I've Got Soul but I'm Not a Soldier
by Muffy the Dough Slayer
Summary: Barry is… important. Their fling isn't a fling, it's more than that and right now a part of Len is wondering if he will get the chance to tell that to Barry. Or, there's a Singularity above Central City and the Flash has decided to run into it, meanwhile Captain Cold waits for his return... if he returns... and despite his cool exterior, Leonard Snart is not a very patient person.
1. Chapter 1: Sixty Seconds

**A/N:** Hey, this is my first attempt at the Flash stories. So, uh, yeah. Be kind? It probably won't be more than a few chapters, but we'll see how it goes. These things have a way of getting away from me, lol. Basically my favorite pairing is ColdFlash (Leonard Snart and Barry Allen) but I also love Cisco/Barry or Caitlin/Barry. To be honest I'm not a big Iris fan? I mean I like her okay but I don't like her with Barry? Meh, whatever. We'll see how it goes. Anyway, please let me know what you think! Reviews are love and make me update!

Chapter length: 2134

Begin!

* * *

 **I've Got Soul but I'm Not a Soldier**

By Muffy the Dough Slayer

Barry is… important. Their fling isn't a fling, it's more than that and right now a part of Len is wondering if he will get the chance to tell that to Barry.

Or, there's a Singularity above Central City and the Flash has decided to run into it, meanwhile Captain Cold waits for his return... if he returns... and despite his cool exterior, Leonard Snart is not a very patient person

 **CHAPTER 1 - Sixty Seconds**

The day starts out so well.

A heist is planned, they're getting ready to hit their mark, and then suddenly the sky decides to erupt in chaos. It's a normal, sunny Tuesday morning otherwise; traffic is bad as always, parents are taking their kids to the park, birds are chirping – all is normal.

Until there's this _sound_ , something he can't quite explain. And then the sky is darkening in a whirlwind of _black_. Some kind of tear in the sky, a hole, a _black hole_ , it seems. And for a long moment, they all stop what they're doing and stare up at it in utter confusion. Lisa is at his side and she breathes out a quick, "Jesus, _fuck_." Mick stops walking, too, but if he says something it's lost in the whirling noise which overcomes the city as buildings begin _ripping_ upward, into the hole in the sky.

And then Leonard Snart gasps as a _streak_ flits up the side of a building, jumping across floating rubble, toward the epicenter of the hole. The _Flash_.

"Oh, good," Lisa breathes. "He can fix it, yeah?"

 _Sure,_ Len wants to say. _He's the Flash, that's his job – he fixes things._

But a much larger part of him is caught up in the whole-

 _That's Barry Allen, my boyfriend, jumping into a black hole._

Just a normal Tuesday.

Or not.

Len scrubs a hand over his face, which is very unlike him. Keeping his cool in the face of _this_ is a little beyond him, though. Barry Allen. Barry Allen, _his boyfriend of four months_. Barry Allen, CSI for the CCPD. Who sucks at poker but trades sarcastic quips with Mick nevertheless. Who _loves_ Lisa's pancakes. Who fits perfectly against Len when they are in bed after-

Barry Allen, who is the _Flash_.

The Flash, who is Barry Allen.

The Flash, who Lisa and Mick don't know is Barry Allen.

He's speechless for a long moment; he can feel Lisa's hand on his arm, hear her voice asking if he's okay. He should be okay, from her perspective; he's friendly with the Flash and admits to having fun during their battles, but there's a difference between sharing a few laughs with your enemy and _worrying_ about said enemy. To Lisa, he's staring up at the Flash and has lost his voice because the Flash is trying to stop a black hole from eating Central City.

Right now said black hole seems to be stabilizing; it stops ripping up buildings as the Flash – _as Barry_ – runs in a circle inside of it, just barely visible due to his yellow lightning tail. He's moving so quickly it's all a blur of yellow and black but Len knows it's him, and it's the only reassurance he has.

Explaining the whole 'Barry Allen, the CSI I've been dating, is the Flash' to Lisa and Mick isn't going to be easy, and it's a conversation he was hoping to put off for a little longer. But he will have to tell them after this. They are tossing him confused, worried looks.

"Look, I'm sure Barry's fine," Lisa says tentatively, tightening her grip on his arm. It's so tight he can feel her painted nails through the parka. "I mean – the station looks intact, and he's a lab rat, right?"

Len grits his teeth, shrugging her off. He'll explain later, but right now he needs to focus. He needs to watch. He needs to see…

A flying, burning man soars into the singularity. Len has heard about him from Barry but never actually met the guy, or fought him in a battle. But he looks like he knows what he's doing, and is heading up there to help, and he's grateful.

He's not sure when he became so _worried_ about the kid. It was just supposed to be a casual fling, which kept happening. Then it was sort of an 'enemies with benefits' sort of arrangement, and then Barry was his friend. He joined them for their weekly card games even though he wasn't the best at it. He sat through Mick's tirades with a smile on his face, and gossiped with Lisa about boys.

Barry was… important. Their _fling_ isn't a fling, it's more than that and right now a part of Len is wondering if he will get the chance to tell that to Barry.

There's an explosion in the sky, again. Inside the singularity.

The light is blinding. By the time his blinks are allowing him to see, all he can see is the hole closing.

The yellow lighting is gone.

He counts, his heart racing too quickly to count the beats, but nevertheless he counts the seconds until he sees the Flash again. Sees the yellow lightning, the golden trail, the Scarlet Speedster, _Barry Allen_.

One…

 _Barry's more than a little nervous when he agrees to come to poker night with the Rogues. He's never played poker before; Len hides a smirk at this as he pushes his hands down on the kid's shoulders, forcing him into a chair sandwiched between himself and Mick, with Lisa across from them. He sits close to the kid so he can show him the ropes; and if the kid sees his cards, well, that's okay too, because there's no way he's going to lose this game._

 _Unless Mick cheats again._

" _So," Mick starts as Lisa begins dealing, all the while keeping her gaze on Barry with this smirk on her face, "you're a cop?"_

" _CSI," Barry says._

" _You got a badge?"_

"… _I have a laminate," Barry mumbles, and Len snickers behind his hand, stifling the sound when Barry shoots him a quick glare._

" _No gun?" Lisa asks with a pout. "Handcuffs?"_

" _I have a lab coat," Barry offers with a small, apologetic smile._

" _Boring," Mick says with a scoff as he picks up his cards._

 _Len laughs because if only his Rogues knew._

Five…

" _Is this…?" Barry looks around slowly. "Is this a_ date _?"_

 _Len smiles at the disbelief evident in the kid's voice. His fingers push against Barry's shoulder until the speedster sits in the chair offered to him. Candles flicker briefly on the table, two plates of food waiting for them._

" _You're the one who said I'm not romantic," Len says as he sits across from Barry._

 _Barry narrows his eyes at him, gaze calculating in that adorable way of his. The kid's eyes are too wide and Bambi-like to be threatening. "Well, you're not."_

" _Then what's this?"_

" _Did you take that as a_ challenge _?" Barry asks incredulously._

 _Len smirks. "What if I did? What are you going to do about it, Scarlet?"_

 _Barry throws his head back and laughs. "Captain Cold, captain of romantic gestures. Who knew?" He looks down at the food then, smirking. "You do realize this isn't going to fill me up, right?"_

" _Oh, I know all about your appetite," Len says, and the look Barry gives him is seductive as his tongue flicks out to wet his lips._

" _I'm hard to sate, what can I say."_

" _You're hard, all right."_

 _Barry laughs like he always does when he's trying to play it cool, no pun intended. He tries to be seductive and make the jokes but in the end he's too innocent for that, and truthfully Len wouldn't have it any other way._

Twelve…

" _What are we doing?"_

 _The words come suddenly as they are falling asleep. Len's fingers twitch against Barry's bare thigh as his eyes open to peer at the speedster through the darkness._

" _Care to elaborate, Scarlet?"_

 _Barry draws in a slow breath. Uh oh. Trouble. There's never anything_ slow _about the Flash, especially when they're alone. It's not like he needs to hide from Len._

" _What are we doing?" Barry repeats. "I mean – sex, right, I understand that part just fine, but I mean – why me?"_

" _What do you mean?"_

 _It's late, and Len's too tired for this. They just had sex thirty minutes ago; he thought they were both well on their way to sleep, but apparently not. The exhaustion in his bones will have to wait a few minutes more. He drags a hand free of the covers to run across his eyes, attempting to wipe the sleep away._

" _Why me?" Barry repeats. "If you're just blowing off steam or whatever, why me? You could find literally anyone."_

" _No one wears red as good as you," Len mumbles around a yawn. He's really too tired for this crap right now._

 _Plus, he's not sure he knows the answer himself, and this is a conversation he'd rather not have_ ever _, let alone right now when he's half asleep with the feeling of Barry's sweaty, vibrating skin still implanted in his mind._

 _The kid vibrates. It's kind of hard to forget._

" _Seriously," Barry says, scowl evident in his voice. He pushes an elbow under him and sits up slightly. Len's arm falls away. He sighs. "I mean – why? We're enemies."_

" _Didn't hear you complaining earlier."_

" _I'm being serious here."_

" _I know you are," Len sighs. "But I'm tired and you're warm and we can talk about it later."_

" _But-"_

" _Sleep, Barry. Tomorrow. I promise."_

 _Barry sighs heavily, but lays back down._

 _A moment later, Len's arm is draped across his body again, his own personal heater._

Twenty-five…

 _Where are you, Scarlet…_

Thirty…

A hand on his shoulder.

Thirty-two…

He shakes it off.

Thirty-five…

The singularity is gone.

" _Whoa, Scarlet, what's wrong?"_

 _Barry looks – wild. Big eyes, pupils darting around, rigid shoulders… he's on edge, and Len has never seen him like this, not even after their fights as the Flash and Captain Cold._

" _It's Wells," Barry breathes shakily. "It's Wells. It was him all alone and I… I can't…" His body is shaking, close to vibrating, but not the good kind. The kid runs his hands up and down his arms as though attempting to stop the unwanted shakiness. Len grabs hold of his arms, tracing his movements with his own hands._

" _What's Wells? You're not making any sense," Len tells him._

 _Barry looks up and meets his eyes. There's a look in the green orbs Len hasn't ever seen there before, and he doesn't like it. "He killed her," Barry says. "Wells killed her. And he's the Reverse-Flash."_

 _It's a lot to swallow in just a few sentences, and Barry talks fast. Len stares at him for a long time, before he nods, because there's no way Barry isn't sure about this. The Flash is many things, but he never jumps to conclusions like this without hard proof – he's a CSI, after all._

" _Okay," Len says softly. "Okay, yeah, he's the Reverse-Flash. What do we do about it?"_

 _He doesn't know much about the Reverse-Flash. They try to keep their work lives and personal lives separate, for all the good it does. Barry's just Barry here, and Len's just Len. There is no Captain Cold or the Flash here. It's just them._

 _Now he wishes he goaded Barry into admitting more about the Reverse-Flash than he did._

" _Tell me everything," Len says._

 _And Barry does._

Forty-one…

The sky is blue.

" _Stop it."_

" _I'm not doing anything, Scarlet."_

" _Yes, you are, with your eyes."_

" _My eyes, hmm?"_

" _Yes – they're very, uh – distracting. And blue. And stop it."_

" _Well, maybe you should make me."_

Fifty…

There's no yellow, or red.

" _Why do you keep calling me Scarlet?"_

" _Why do you keep wearing a red suit?"_

" _But… Scarlet?"_

" _Are you saying you hate my name for you? It's only fair, since your friend named me."_

" _Well… yeah, but, I mean… Ugh, whatever. Call me whatever you want. Oh. Oh, crap. No. I didn't give you permission to-"_

"Whatever _I want, Scarlet?"_

" _Oh, God. I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"_

Fifty-seven…

No Bambi-eyes. No Flash.

" _You know they're gonna find out you're dating the Flash, right? And then they'll know my identity as boring Barry Allen?"_

" _Barry Allen isn't boring. In fact I happen to have it on good authority he can vibrate in bed. That's not boring, at all."_

" _Ugh, you know what I mean, Len."_

" _They'll be cool with it, if they find out."_

" _This isn't really an 'if' kind of thing, you know? I think we should tell them. Iris was pissed when she realized I had been lying and-"_

" _I thought we agreed not to mention your long-time-crush when we're in bed together? It's bad manners, Red."_

" _Right, right, sorry. I'm just saying. Are you going to tell them?"_

" _Eventually."_

" _Why not right now?"_

" _Because I'm here with you right now, and I think I'm forgetting that whole 'vibrating' thing. Care to remind me?"_

" _Ugh. You're not very smooth, are you?"_

" _Got you in bed with me, didn't I?"_

"… _Touché."_

Sixty…

No Barry Allen.

* * *

 **A/N:** And there's that.


	2. Chapter 2: Secrets

**A/N:** Hey, guys, thanks so very much for the reviews and follows and favorites! I wasn't expecting that in one day :) Thanks! I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations. I can also be found on AO3 as "AkuChibi", if you'd like to read it there instead, since I update there first. Anyway, thanks again!

Chapter length: 3235

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 2 – Secrets**

 _Just because I didn't see him fall from the hole doesn't mean he didn't,_ Len keeps telling himself.

He loses Lisa and Mick in the chaos that follows the closing of the Singularity. People are running this way and that, locating loved ones, and Len focuses on moving through them at quick speeds, waving his cold gun around if he has to do so to finally get people to part for him.

STAR Labs is in ruins; it seems to have gotten the brunt of the impact, and Len's sure there's a story there. Barry would know, if he was here, but he's not and that's the problem. For the past two days Len has been with Lisa and Mick off the grid, so to speak, even to Barry, as they planned their heist. Len warned Barry he might be out of contact for a few days. Now he wishes he stayed in contact. As soon as he gets to the safe house and gets his cell phone, he's going to see if Barry left him any hint of happened.

Right now, though, there is only confusion. So much confusion, all around him.

It doesn't take him long to spot the group outside of STAR Labs, all still looking either around them or at the sky, still, disbelieving. The knot in his stomach triples and he grits his teeth, bringing his gun up to aim at the group. The detective – Joe West, Barry's adoptive father, his mind supplies – brings his gun up as well, aiming it at Len.

"Where is the Flash?" Len demands instantly. His voice is as cool as ever, calm and collected, but inside he's screaming as he sees the _despair_ written across their faces. He's never cared for anyone before, except Lisa; why now?

"What do you want, Snart?" Detective West asks, standing protectively in front of his quietly weeping daughter, _Iris_.

" _Okay, kid, there's a new rule."_

" _New rule?"_

" _No more mentioning this 'Iris' while we're together."_

"I want you to answer my question," Len says through clenched teeth, his cold glasses/goggles on his head hiding his eyes from view, thankfully. If they could see his eyes right now…

" _Eyes are the window to the soul, you know?"_

" _Is there a point here, Scarlet?"_

" _You have a good soul."_

" _I know you're not drunk."_

" _What, I can't call you good? Is that a new rule, now?"_

" _Fine, Red, but only when we're alone. I have a reputation to keep."_

They aren't understanding. He knows they were keeping things secret, it just seemed better that way at the time, but now he wishes they all knew so they would _answer him_. He doesn't have time for this.

"Where. Is. _The Flash_?" he asks again, enunciating carefully so their slow minds can comprehend what he is saying. They stare back at him blankly and the breath he releases is some ragged, raw _thing_ he can't quite explain. "Barry Allen," he snaps. "The Flash. Barry Allen. Scarlet Speedster. _Where is he_?"

"Why…? Why does it matter to you?" Iris finally asks, poking her head out around her father's shoulder, and Detective West's gun wavers slightly.

His finger twitches on the trigger as a snarl lodges in his throat, which is, again, very unlike him. If his sister saw him now, she'd know immediately that the Flash was Barry Allen. Maybe she should be here; he can't seem to find the words, but she's always been great at rendering people speechless with her biting remarks, and she'd help get to the bottom of this. He wishes he hadn't lost her in the crowd.

The kid who made the guns, Cisco Ramon, is the one who seems to understand first. Not surprising; the kid is quite impressive, and Barry speaks highly of him.

" _Seriously, he's like my new best friend, if anyone could ever take Iris's place."_

" _Talking about her again."_

" _Oh, right. Sorry. She's just a big part of my life, you know? But anyway, so is Cisco. He's pretty cool."_

" _He did make a_ cool _gun."_

" _The puns again. Is this always going to be a thing with you?"_

" _Why, you complaining already, Scarlet?"_

" _Oh, how will I ever cope with the puns? Alas, it's my one weakness."_

" _That's not what you were saying last night."_

" _Hey. Hey! Unfair, and rude."_

" _I say we do that again."_

" _You're_ Len?" Cisco asks incredulously, staring at him with wide eyes. A part of Len feels satisfied; Barry has been talking about him to someone, at least. And now Cisco can help, hopefully. Another part feels insulted, because the kid doesn't need to sound that incredulous, okay? That's rude.

"Wait, Len?" Iris asks. "Like… _Len_?"

"Am I missing something?" Detective West asks.

"Barry's been, erm… seeing this guy for a while, and all he said was his name was Len," Iris explains quickly, staring at Len. "I asked him for more information and even tried to follow him once-" here she does not seem the least bit ashamed, but she is a journalist so it's kind of her job, and Len feels a spark of respect flair through him briefly "-but it's like, really hard to follow Barry when he does his whole 'Flash' thing."

"Len," Detective West repeats. "As in _Leonard Snart_?"

And _that's_ why this was a bad idea, telling anyone, Len remembers – because the detective has an itchy trigger finger when it comes to his kids' partners, and especially if they're criminals. It looks like the guy's going to shoot him any second now, just because he dared mess with his son.

But Barry's a grown man, and he made his own choice. It's not like Len forced him.

"Are you seeing my son?" Detective West asks slowly, calmly, and yeah, that's unsettling.

Barry wasn't kidding about how intimidating the guy could be, Len had to give him that.

"Yes," he says, voice equally calm. The rage flickering on the detective's face would be amusing if the situation wasn't so dire right now. "So I'll ask you again, Detective – _Where is Barry Allen?_ "

"We don't know," Cisco says quickly, before things can escalate further. Behind him stands Caitlin, the girl Len and Mick kidnapped once to get the Flash's attention. She's eying Len strangely, when she's not looking back up at the sky as though someone might appear any moment.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Len demands, taking a step forward.

Cisco takes a quick step back, holding his hands up to show he's harmless. "Whoa, dude, uh – just – take it easy. We're all worried about Barry, and Ronnie and Professor Stein."

"Who?" Len asks, because he is unfamiliar with those names.

"Uh – Firestorm," Cisco says.

Len nods. The guy who flew into the hole with Barry. "Where are they?"

"We don't know," Caitlin says shakily, speaking up for the first time. "They should… I mean…"

"Unless they got sucked in," Cisco says, and immediately winces. "Uh, I mean…"

Caitlin's staring at him. Len's staring at him.

"Barry stabilized it," Caitlin says.

"Yeah, but the explosion could have… I mean, disrupted that." The kid drags in a ragged breath. "Look, Caitlin, I don't like it any more than you do, okay? We knew there was a risk going in, and – and they might be…"

Caitlin stares at him for a moment, lower lip trembling, before she turns away with a stifled sob, her shoulders trembling. Len swallows around the lump stuck in his throat as Cisco sighs and looks back at him.

"So they're just – gone?" Detective West asks.

"I don't know," Cisco snaps. "I don't know everything!"

Cold. Len has a cold gun, but he's never really felt the cold, with his gloves and his parka. Now, though, he feels cold. Inside and out, though it's a surprisingly warm day right now compared to how windy it was earlier.

" _Don't you ever get cold?"_

" _I'm Captain Cold. The cold doesn't bother me."_

" _Oh, God, not you too."_

" _Excuse me?"_

" _Uh – that song? From Frozen?"_

" _I have no idea what you're talking about."_

" _Riiiight. Says the guy who uses a million cold puns in his everyday speech."_

" _Says the speedster who likes to exaggerate."_

" _Hush, you. And come here, I'm cold."_

" _It's almost 70 degrees in here, kid."_

" _That's freezing when you run hot all the time."_

" _Fine. Take this."_

" _Is Captain Cold giving the Flash his parka? Is the world ending?"_

" _Shut up and take my offered warmth, kid. Or we can take this to the bedroom."_

" _You just like that I vibrate."_

" _Yes, yes I do. Now, vibrate for me."_

" _Oh, God. Never say that again."_

" _This isn't a laughing matter, Scarlet, I'm serious. Bedroom. Let's go."_

" _Fine, fine."_

Len blinks the memory away, just like all the other memories which have unanimously decided to bombard his system.

"There you are, Len!"

Len stiffens at his name and turns his head slightly to find Lisa and Mick racing up to him. Lisa smiles like she always does when she sees Cisco, and at least the kid has the decency to blush.

"What's going on?" Lisa asks.

Cisco shrugs. "Singularity, black hole, closed it and now people are missing. Typical Tuesday."

"What are we doing here, buddy?" Mick asks, quiet enough so only Lisa and Len can hear.

Len lowers his cold gun, gaze fixated on Cisco. "We were just leaving. The Flash isn't here."

And those words are hard to say, but he can see the apologetic gleam in Cisco's eyes and he understands. They both understand. Cisco will do what he can to keep looking for Barry, and when – _not if_ – he finds him, he'll let Len know somehow. Len doesn't want to leave, but things are getting complicated and he's wasting time standing here talking. They all are. They need to be out there searching, not standing around.

 _Where are you, Scarlet?_

And so they go their separate ways.

The distance doesn't lessen the chill encasing his body. He's not Captain Cold right now.

He's just Len Snart, and Barry Allen isn't here.

xXx

As soon as he's at the safe house, he finds his phone.

Five missed calls, seven texts, three voicemails.

Barry has been busy.

Quickly, he dials in Barry's number. The more logical and functioning part of his mind tells him it won't work, and that Cisco is right and Barry is gone. He ignores it and brings the phone to his ear, listening to it ring.

After about a solid minute of ringing, it finally goes to voicemail.

" _Hey, it's Barry, but you knew that because you're calling me, uh, just leave a message and I'll get back to you in a flash!"_

Len sighs, dragging a hand across his face, a move he's being too much today. "Where the hell are you, kid?" he mutters, mostly to himself, but the phone is still recording. He ends the call and tries again.

And again.

And again.

It's answered.

Len's breath stops in his throat.

"Barry leaves his phone here when he's in the suit," Cisco says roughly. "So – I mean, it's not… he doesn't have it. I just thought I'd tell you, in case you were going to keep calling. Not that I mind if you keep calling, I mean, I'm not your boss and I can't tell you what to do, but-"

He rambles when he's nervous, just like Barry.

Len sighs. There's something heavy and cold in his heart.

"Alright, Cisco," he says as calmly as he can manage. "Thanks for telling me."

There's silence for a moment as he just holds the phone there, searching for the words.

"Cold?" Cisco asks.

Captain Cold. That's him. And yet…

He grits his teeth. "Find him, kid. If you don't, I'll be coming for all of you."

With that, he hangs up.

He doesn't try calling again.

Instead he goes for his own voicemails. Three new ones. He starts with the oldest.

" _Len? I was hoping to catch you before you did your… whatever it is you're doing for a few days. Fuck. Okay, so, uh, something came up. We caught Wells. Call me back?"_

Len's brows furrow. They caught Wells? The Reverse-Flash? How did that happen, and when? From now on, he swears he'll bring his phone with him, safety issues be damned. Barry just needs to come back first.

He goes to the next voicemail.

" _Len, please? I'm freaking out here, and I don't know where you are. I mean I could find you, I guess, but… that'd probably mess something up and get you in trouble, so I'll just… wait, I guess. Okay, so Wells – or Eobard, whatever he's calling himself now – says I can… He said… I can go back and save my mom. I can make it so that night never happened, and I grew up with both parents, and – I don't know what to do. I have to save her, right? But then this timeline would be… different, and… I don't know why I'm saying this over the phone, you can't hear me. I'll just… Call me back, please?"_

Yeah, he's missed a lot in the past few days. He grits his teeth as he attempts to wrap his head around everything. Wells – or _Eobard_ – said Barry could go back and save his mom. Is this even possible? Obviously Barry seems to think so, and Len remembers they spoke briefly about time travel before, but nothing concrete. Just that the night his mom was killed, there was an older version of Barry there trying to stop the Reverse-Flash. So in the future, he said, he will go back to that night, except Wells messed with the timeline, so maybe that wouldn't happen. At that point, Len told him to stop talking about it because it was giving them both a headache.

If Barry were to change that night… then this timeline wouldn't happen. According to what Barry said they found in the 'time vault', if Wells hadn't messed with the timeline, Barry and Iris would get married. Len would not be in the picture.

If Barry saved his mom… and stopped that night from happening, and righted the timeline… then he and Barry wouldn't be together right now.

Len swallows, and goes to the third voicemail.

" _Hey, Len, it's me. I wanted to do this in person, but… you're out of contact, and to be honest, I'm a little afraid to do this face-to-face. Call me a coward. I am a coward. But, I've given it a lot of thought, and… and I'm going to go back and save her. Save my mom. There's a risk, but isn't there always? I can't just do nothing when I know there's a way to save her. I just… I've said goodbye to everyone but you, and that's not fair, I know. I've… We've had a lot of fun, and I've really enjoyed our time together, okay? So much. I'll… I'll find you in another lifetime, okay? I love you. …Bye, Len."_

 _End of voicemails. To listen to them again, press_ -

Len drops his phone.

It hits the ground with this loud crash, and the battery pops off the back and goes sliding under the bed. Len sits on the bed, his legs unsteady, his phone already forgotten.

He's not sure what he should focus on first.

 _He loves me._

The kid loves him.

Barry said he loves him. They've never said that to each other before. Barry is important to him, but love…? He's not sure. Is that what this is? This tight, cold feeling in his chest when he thinks about the gaping hole in the sky, and the Flash's disappearance?

But Barry seems sure. He said it so confidently.

And then…

"… _Bye, Len."_

He said goodbye. That whole message was him saying goodbye, because he was going to go back and change the timeline.

The timeline doesn't seem changed. Len remembers Barry; he remembers the touch of his vibrating body, the way he looks after sex, the soft little snores when he's sleeping deeply, the way he scarfs down food, how he-

He remembers.

The timeline isn't changed.

But Barry's not here.

" _There's a risk…"_

There was a risk, Barry said.

Is this the risk he was talking about? A singularity in the sky? Vanishing into it?

 _Where are you, Barry…_

The door to his room opens. "Okay, Mister, I want some answers and I want them right-" Lisa's eyes land on his face and she instantly stops talking. That's never a good sign. Then she's at his side, and pulling him into this awkward hug.

He's the big brother, dammit – he doesn't need hugs. He gives them to his sister, not the other way around.

But he leans into it, because he's still cold and she's warm, but Barry's warmer, and that's all he can think about.

" _Why are you always so warm, Scarlet?"_

 _Barry shifts beneath him as Len's breath tickles the sensitive skin of his neck, from where the two are curled into each other. The two are nothing but a tangled mess of limbs, unable to determine where one ends and the other begins, and Len's never been this comfortable before._

 _Barry really is warm, though; at first, he wondered if the Flash had a temperature, a fever, but Barry merely scoffed and said he's always hot, which led to more interesting situations… And that was a while ago. Months ago._

 _He never got his answer then._

" _Has to do with the speed, I guess," Barry finally says around a yawn. Sex wears him out. Anything wears him out, really. Just walking. Standing. His body always works quickly even if he's just sleeping, so he's always hungry and especially tired after 'strenuous' activity._

" _How so?"_

" _I don't know, you'd have to ask Cisco or Caitlin. I'm just warmer than usual, and my heartbeat is a bit faster than usual, and – again, it all comes back to the speed, so there's that."_

" _You're terrible at explaining things, kid."_

" _I'm tired," Barry complains adorably. "Sue me."_

" _Maybe I will."_

" _Hah! I'd like to see you try that. No judge would take your word for it, and you can't exactly just walk into the precinct or something," Barry says around his snickers, and Len rolls his eyes._

" _So you're just hot, huh?" he asks, watching the kid._

" _I'm just hot," Barry agrees. "And for Captain Cold, you're pretty hot, too."_

 _Len laughs despite himself. "Your pick-up lines are terrible."_

" _You're here, aren't you?"_

 _He smiles, and leans over somewhat so his lips are brushing against the speedster's. "Touché, Scarlet."_

"What's going on with you?" Lisa asks, snapping him from the memory. So many memories, and he's not sure what to do with himself, or how to make them stop. Or if he wants them to stop.

"Nothing," he says, but it's flat even to his own ears.

"Bullshit," Lisa says. "Tell me what's going on. Why were we at STAR Labs today?"

"Barry's missing," Len says with a sigh.

Lisa's arms tighten around him. "What? What do you mean, missing? Where? How? Why? Wasn't he at the precinct?"

"There's something I have to tell you."

"What? What is it, Lenny? You can tell me anything."

Len's eyes fall closed. "Barry Allen is the Flash." He draws in a slow breath. "And he's missing."


	3. Chapter 3: Barry Allen is the Flash

**A/N:** Okay, so a little info. I have my own personal headcanon for this story, I guess - which I might write into its own story some day, I'm not sure yet. As it is, Len and Barry started getting together for 'stress relief' after Captain Cold and Heatwave kidnapped Caitlin. Len learned the Flash's identity because, you know, sex typically equals naked, and he has eyes. He did kidnap Cisco and Dante in Rogue Time, but he didn't torture them - i.e. didn't ice Dante's hands - and all he wanted was a gun for Lisa. He released them afterward. Barry was pissed, of course, but he didn't hurt Cisco and Cisco even said it was odd how nice Captain Cold was to him, so Barry eventually forgives him. And, well, that's that, I guess xD

Anyway, thanks so much for all the follows, favorites, and reviews! I really appreciate it, and it gives me confidence and makes me want to update ASAP, so this chapter is for you :)

Chapter length: 3703

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 3 – Barry Allen is the Flash**

"So – wait, wait, wait. You're telling me that _Barry Allen_ – cute, adorable, lab-coat-wearing, CSI Barry Allen – is the _Flash_?"

The incredulity in Lisa's voice is – not as much as he would have thought, to be honest, but she's still pretty shocked. So much so that she has released him, and he will not ask for her to hug him again, even if he misses the warmth. Even if it reminds him of another's warmth.

He says nothing and she swallows thickly.

"You're kidding," she says. "No – shut up, Len, _you're kidding_. You have to be kidding. That cute little CSI can't be the Flash – he's always late to his day job!"

Which is amusing, to be honest. Len has certainly teased Barry on numerous occasions when he always shows up late, and admitted it was a fact of his life, that he's late for work half the time, too. How can the Flash be late?

"He's the Flash," Len says. "I don't know what you want me to tell you."

"How long have you known?" she snaps, but she doesn't really sound angry, just surprised, and maybe a little offended he didn't tell her.

"A while," he says. "Months."

"And… And you didn't tell me? Your own sister?"

"I told you I was dating Barry, but not that he's the Flash. It didn't seem… relevant. We were keeping our work and personal lives separate."

"Uh huh – and how did that work out for you?" she asks, shaking her head as she pushes to her feet, pacing to the end of the bed and back again, tangling her fingers in her curly brunette hair. "Fuck, Len, this is so complicated. The Flash is our enemy. I know you're kind of frenemies with him, but-"

"Not you too," Len groans.

"What? Excuse me?"

"Cisco has been calling us that, too," Len mutters. "Or, that's what Barry said, anyway, and…"

But talking about Barry right now is… not pleasant, and so he stops.

Lisa stares at him for a moment. "Do they know you're with the Flash? Is that what that was about at STAR Labs today?"

"They just found out then, because I was an idiot," Len tells her.

"You're in love, dummy, you're not an idiot," she says, rolling her eyes as she turns to pace away from him again, only to spin back and pace back toward him once more, before repeating the process a few times.

Meanwhile Len mentally breaks down her words. Barry said he loved Len. Lisa seems to think Len loves Barry.

"Do I love him?" he asks aloud without meaning to, and Lisa stops pacing long enough to throw him a _look_.

"Of course you are," she says, rolling her eyes again. "I've seen that look on your face. You only have it with _him_. And here I thought things were complicated because he worked with the _police_ , but shit, Lenny, you really know how to pick them."

"It's not like this was planned," Len snaps.

Lisa smirks. "No, Lenny, I'm not mad at you. Well, I mean, I'm mad you didn't tell me you're fucking _the Flash_ , but I mean – I'm happy for you, really. He makes you smile."

Len shifts uncomfortably. Having a warm heart-to-heart with his sister was certainly not in his plans for today, but all those plans went out the proverbial window when he looked into the sky and saw that it was trying to eat itself, so maybe that's to be expected.

"But you said he's – missing? From the hole in the sky, right?" Lisa asks, getting serious again. She moves to stand in front of him. "Look at me, Lenny."

Len sighs and drags his gaze up to meet his sister's eyes. There's no ignoring her when she's like this, after all.

"Barry Allen, your cute little boyfriend, is the Flash," she says slowly, and he nods slightly only because he knows that's what she's waiting for. "And he's missing. That's why you rushed to STAR Labs today – because you know he's the Flash, and we didn't see him emerge from the hole."

There's no point in arguing, and Len doesn't have the strength to do so anyway, so he merely nods again, weakly this time.

Lisa sighs. "Oh, Lenny. Do they know where he is?"

Len swallows around the lump in his throat, shaking his head.

"Do they have any leads?"

Actual words are needed now, but finding them is difficult. His voice doesn't want to work, and that's really not like him. "They're looking for him," he says quietly, because if he tries to speak louder, he knows his voice will fail him. As it is, he sucks in a breath which is meant to be calming, and tries again. "Cisco said he might have gotten sucked into it."

 _He might be gone._

Lisa's expression cracks. "I like Barry," she says, her voice just as quiet. "He's sweet, and good for you. They'll find him, right?"

And she's looking to him for reassurance. Over the past few months, Barry and Lisa have gotten along much better than he was expecting, originally. They both enjoy teasing him and they're the only ones that put up with his puns. Mick gets tired of them easily. But Mick and Barry have gotten along well, too, which is really surprising. Mick's even been attempting to teach Barry how to play poker properly, but Barry is terrible at card games except, as he said once, "Go Fish".

" _Go Fish is my jam."_

" _Never say that again, Scarlet."_

" _You're just jealous that you're not my jam."_

" _What is that even supposed to mean, Barry?"_

" _Admit it, you're jealous."_

" _I am not jealous of things you put on your toast."_

"Lenny?"

He blinks, and Lisa's kneeling in front of him so that she's mostly at eye level, and her hands are warm on his cheeks as she holds his face so he can't look away.

"You kind of spaced out on me," she says softly.

"Sorry," he mutters, pushing to his feet, tearing away from her, because he can't _do this right now_.

"Len, where are you-"

"I'll be back," he throws over his shoulder as he grabs his parka and rushes out of the room.

xXx

Len wants answers. More than that, he _needs_ answers. More than _that_ , he wants and needs a certain brunette speedster who is _still missing_.

It's been sixteen hours since the Singularity closed, fourteen hours since he told his sister Barry Allen is the Flash – _that he's been dating the Flash_ – and thirteen hours since he ran out of the safe house and didn't look back. Three hours since he returned and found Lisa asleep on the couch, attempting to wait for him but ultimately giving into sleep. Three hours since he pulled a blanket over her shoulders and left her to sleep there, unbothered.

Now he sits alone in his room, staring at the bed which is too large for one person. With Barry it always seemed small and perfect, somehow; warm and inviting. Now the covers are cold, the bed is empty, and there's this _feeling_ that this won't ever go away, that this won't ever change.

He needs it to go away. He needs it to change.

To return to how it was a few days ago.

Barry's words from the voicemails keep running through his mind.

" _I love you."_

" _I'll find you in another life."_

" _I love you."_

"… _Bye, Len."_

He scrubs a hand over his face once more, really hating this new habit of his. As his foot shifts from where he's sitting with his legs over the side of the bed, his heel catches on the edge of his phone, and he looks down to see that it's still there from where he dropped it. Sighing, he bends down to pick it up, and reaches for the battery which slid under the bed. Finally, his fingers scratch against it, and he pulls it free of the darkness.

He shoves the battery back into his phone, along with the back of said phone, before turning it back on. He still has seven texts.

 _From Lisa: Where are you_

 _From Lisa: I'm hungry_

 _From Lisa: As big brother it's your job to feed me_

 _From Barry: Good luck with whatever you're doing, and try not to get arrested :)_

 _From Barry: You haven't left yet have you? We need to talk_

 _From Barry: So you did leave already? Something crazy happened_

 _From Barry: I'm going to do something crazy, don't hate me_

Len reads through the messages a few times before he sighs and drops the phone next to him on his bed. His eyes are tired and gritty, heavy and raw, and rubbing at them does little to help. He's tired – his body is exhausted from all the stress of the day, but he knows sleep will not come easily.

Sleeping without Barry has become increasingly more difficult; he's grown far too used to having a warm body to curl into when he gets a little cold, having something to tug toward him in the middle of the night when he's half awake, listening to Barry murmur something in his sleep at being moved, hearing the soft little snores…

He's used to it, and sleeping without it is… doable, but not preferred.

Definitely not preferred.

" _I love you."_

 _He loves me…_

"… _Bye, Len."_

 _If he loves me, why'd he say bye?_

That whole message was him saying goodbye. A part of Len wanted to be angry that he would just throw them away without talking to Len first, without getting his input, making the decision _without him_ , but a much larger part couldn't be angry with the kid.

He had a chance to save his mother, and the kid was all about saving lives, mostly because of what happened to his mom when he was little. He couldn't save her then, so now he wants to save everyone, and he had a chance to save her. Of course he would take it; he'd be silly not to try, Len knows. If he somehow lost Lisa and had a chance to back and fix it, he'd damn well do that, so he can't be angry with Barry about this.

But he's frustrated.

Very, very frustrated, and confused, and _hurt_.

It's been a long time since he's felt hurt, and not with physical pain. Physical pain he can manage just fine, but emotional pain… it's the kicker. It's the deal breaker.

A weakness.

And he's hurt, because Barry said he loves Len and then immediately said goodbye.

And Len wants to yell at him. Wants to punch him in the face as much as he wants to push him against the wall and kiss him senseless, so he never tries anything like that ever again. He'll do both – hell, he'll strap him to the bed if he has to, he'll do whatever, just as long as that idiot kid comes back.

Len's fingers curl in the covers beneath him. His pinky brushes against his phone. A moment later he's dialing that oh-so-familiar number and bringing it to his ear.

It rings, and rings, and rings, before rolling over to voicemail.

He hangs up and tries again, and again, and again, until finally someone answers.

"…Cold…?" Cisco asks tentatively.

"About time," Len replies. "Have you made any progress?"

"No, uh… everyone… Everyone's gone home for the night, and-"

Red flickers briefly over Len's gaze. He rubs at his head. "Everyone went _home_? The Flash is missing, and they went home. _Barry Allen_ , your _friend_ , is missing, and none of you care?"

"Of course we care," Cisco snaps, and Len is a bit shocked because he wasn't quite certain the kid had it in him. "We're all worried about him, okay, so don't act like we're not! But if he disappeared into the singularity there's not much we can do, now is there?"

"So what _are_ you doing?" Len demands, because it sounds like there's no progress, and they're not even trying to make progress because they think they _can't_. And of course they can, they're Team Flash; they have to find the Flash.

"We're still looking, but everyone's stressed and exhausted, so that's not helping," Cisco explains. "We're all going to look more tomorrow, with fresh eyes, so we don't miss anything."

"But-" Len starts, which is really unlike him, but he doesn't care.

"We're looking for him," Cisco snaps. "Are _you_?"

And that stops him short, because _no_ , he's _not_. He's not looking for him; he's home sitting on his bed, not out there searching, and that makes him a hypocrite. He wants to be out there searching, but he has no idea where to look; these guys at STAR Labs would know where to look better than he would, after all. Or maybe he's just lying to himself, and he's _afraid_ to look, but that's crazy because he's Captain Cold, and he's not afraid of anything.

"Answer the next time I call, kid," Len says. "And you better find him."

With that, he ends the call and drops the phone on the bed next to him, dragging his cold hands over his face but it does little to relieve the pressure building behind his eyes.

"So they really don't know where he is?" comes a voice from the doorway, and Len must really be losing his touch, because he actually flinches and looks up to find Lisa approaching him, hair tangled and disheveled from sleep.

"No," he sighs, shaking his head. "They don't know."

"He's the Flash; don't they have him like… tagged with multiple tracking devices?"

Len shrugs hopelessly, and says nothing.

Lisa sighs and sits next to him on the bed, carefully avoiding his phone. Silence surrounds them for a moment as she chews on her lower lip, attempting to choose her words carefully. "Why didn't you tell me you were dating the Flash? Did you think I would turn him into a gold statue or something? Or that I wouldn't approve?"

Len shrugs again, swallowing thickly. "No, I just… We just thought it best if no one knew, for a while. I was going to tell you, but things got away from me. From us."

"He makes you happy?" she asks.

His mouth opens to answer, but no words come out, stuck behind the lump ever-present in his throat. He nods instead.

"Well – then I approve," she tells him, and there's a hand on his shoulder, squeezing through the parka, but he can't really feel it like this. He's cold, and numb, and he's not sure why because it's the same temperature in here as it always is, and he's never felt this cold before. "I'm sure they'll find him in no time – I mean, that's kind of their job, isn't it? To work _with_ the Flash? How can they do that if they don't know where he is? And how come you didn't tell me you had Cisco's number, Lenny?"

He knows this is her way of lightening the mood, of skipping over all the heart-to-heart talk they just had, and he's had enough of the heart-to-heart moments for the day. He can't handle any more right now. But when he opens his mouth again, to joke with her like he would have _yesterday_ , he finds he can't. Instead he goes with the truth, despite the way the words feel like little knives ripping free of his throat, the breath used to say them salt in open wounds.

"It's Barry's phone," he forces out. "He doesn't have it when he's in his suit – not enough room in it, I guess, since it's so form-fitting. So Cisco has been answering it."

Lisa stares at him for a moment. He's not looking at her, is instead focusing on the ground and the fact he needs to vacuum in here, but he can feel her eyes on him all the same. She's always had this piercing look about her; it can be unnerving, like she's tearing away every layer he's created through the years and peering right at his soul, this raw and jagged thing.

"Oh, Lenny," she finally sighs, and then he's pulled into another hug. That's two hugs from her in one day, and he should push her away. He needs to push her away. He's Captain Cold, big brother Len, he needs to push her away.

He doesn't.

"He loves me," he finds himself saying into his sister's shoulder, from where she's managed to half-turn him so he's at least partially facing her, making the hug easier and less awkward.

Her hold on him tightens. "Of course he does, silly."

"I love him," he murmurs, and realizes it's the truth.

That's why he's cold – because his body latched onto Barry's unnatural warmth and wouldn't let go, wouldn't leave his mind, wouldn't allow him to forget, and at some point this codependency would have to be addressed, but for right now he just-

"Of course you do," Lisa says. "They'll find him, Lenny. Barry will be back to eating all of our food in no time."

Then she pauses, and laughs quietly.

Len pulls back, frowning. There is nothing to laugh about.

"Oh, no, it's not that, I just – I really should have realized he was the Flash when he ate everything in sight," Lisa says, shaking her head, and her sad smile is as pretty as always. "Because of the super speed, right? Super-charged metabolism?"

Len nods numbly.

"Yeah – I really should have known, all the signs were there. I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner. How long have you two been…?"

He hesitates, not because he doesn't want to tell her, but because that's hard to pinpoint. "I guess after Mick and I kidnapped Caitlin."

Lisa nods like it makes sense. "Right, of course, duh. When he kept ignoring you and you did that to get his attention."

"I didn't do it because-" he starts, but then frowns and shuts up when he realizes she is right. At the time, he argued with that logic; the Flash was a threat which needed to be neutralized, and so he devised a plan with Mick. But after speaking to the Flash afterward, he realized it must be something more, because normally he's not that reckless to hunt down a super-charged human – _meta-human,_ his mind supplies, in Barry's voice which is really unfair – but then he was.

" _About time you show up."_

" _What…? Was all of that to get my attention? Seriously?"_

" _What? It's not all about you, Flash. But now that you're here – coffee?"_

" _What? Are you…? Is this…? Are you flirting with me?"_

" _Of course not. Merely asking if you would like coffee since we are outside of a coffee shop, unless you've forgotten your location, in which case I suggest medical help."_

" _How did you get out of prison?"_

" _Never made it to the prison."_

" _How did…?"_

" _I have my secrets, Flash, just like you have yours. Now – coffee?"_

" _I'm not going in there in this suit, now that everyone knows I exist, thanks to_ someone _."_

" _Alright – I know somewhere we can go, if you're unwilling to lose the skin-tight leather."_

" _It's not leather! It's – never mind. Tell me where."_

" _Flash has a soft spot for coffee, huh? A kid after my own heart. Or is your soft spot for cold criminals?"_

" _See, that right there, that's what makes me think you're flirting."_

" _And if I was?"_

"That's… almost five months ago," Lisa says. "You started mentioning him as _Barry_ a month later."

Hmm, so he did.

"When did you find out he was Barry Allen?" she asks.

"Kind of hard to have sex without him losing the full-body suit," he tells her, irritated.

"Oh. Oh! Yeah, that makes sense, okay. But, ew. He's cute and all, but I really did not need to hear about your sex life, Lenny."

Another attempt to lighten the mood; this time, he manages a small smile. "Be careful what you ask for, then, sis."

"So when do I get _my_ cute nerd?" Lisa asks.

"Still about Cisco Ramon?"

"He's cute," Lisa says. "I like him."

Len shakes his head, hiding a smile. Cisco isn't like the other guys Lisa's usually into, and Cisco seems like a decent kid, like Barry. He can't say he doesn't approve; Cisco would probably be good for Lisa. But his sister's love life is really none of his concern.

Silence surrounds them again.

Lisa sighs, the atmosphere shifting back to something more seriously, and Len's lips thin into a hard line.

"They'll find him, Len," she tells him. "Or we will."

Len nods weakly, unable to draw the breath to say anything. He's exhausted, he realizes. His eyes are burning, the lids are heavy, and the cold feeling in his chest hasn't abated in the slightest. Instead, it comes back full force and leaves him sighing.

"Also – you do realize we're going to have to tell Mick Barry's the Flash, right?"

He groans – he doesn't need this right now. Telling Lisa is one thing, but telling Mick is another. The guy's his best friend, but he's not exactly the picture of 'stable'. His hatred of the Flash has abated, for the most part, since Len and the Flash became 'frenemies', as Lisa and Barry – _he said that's what Cisco called them_ – but he's still not the Flash's biggest fan.

"Don't worry, if he tries anything or says anything out of line, you can ice him," Lisa says simply.

The laugh released from Len's throat is rough and jagged, ripped free of him from shock. "I'm the punny one around here."

"You're right, I'm sorry, the world can't take two Snarts making puns," Lisa says, smile evident in her voice, and Len drags his gaze from the floor to finally look at her. Her smile grows slightly. "There's the Len I know and love. We'll tell Mick together, tomorrow. He likes Barry, so it shouldn't be too bad. And I'm sure Barry will be back in no time."

Len hopes she's right.


	4. Chapter 4: Answers

**A/N:** These chapters are steadily getting longer xD That's good, I guess. Also something I forgot to mention last chapter - in "Rogue Air", I know Len betrays Barry and everything, but it went down a little differently in my headcanon for them. I'll probably put that into a flashback or a story later on, so I won't give anything away right now, really. Just thought I should mention it. Again, thanks for the reviews and everything, it makes me update! This is for you :) Longest chapter so far, too! I'm not sure how long this story will go on for, but we'll see how it goes.

PS: Don't expect another chapter today, I'm dead tired and I'm gonna try to sleep some before work tonight (night shift, yay...) so I don't think I'll update for another day, but we'll see how it goes. Thanks again!

Chapter length: 4257

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 4 – Answers**

It's been thirty-six hours since the Singularity vanished.

Over a day. Going on two days.

It's been roughly four days since he saw Barry last. Barry was upset because of Wells, and had recently fought a _gorilla_ of some kind, and Iris knew he was the Flash and was giving him the cold shoulder. He came over, and they curled up in Len's room and watched old cartoons on his crappy TV.

Then hours later, Barry left to go back to STAR Labs and reconvene with the others. Len bid him farewell, and said he'd be out of contact for a few days; it was his way of warning Barry that yes he was pulling a heist, but no, the Flash didn't need to be involved. Barry accepted this, kissed him briefly, and then disappeared in his usual yellow lightning.

That was four days ago.

It's been thirty-four hours since he told Lisa Barry Allen is the Flash. Twenty-two hours since they sat in his room and worried about how to tell Mick. Five hours since they told Mick, who was understandably furious he wasn't told sooner, but actually didn't seem to care that much – said he figured as much when he compared how much the kid ate to how Len started behaving in their battles with the Flash. Lisa was miffed that Mick realized and she didn't, but all in all, things went over rather well with Mick, and Len was surprised, but happy about this.

All of the secrets are out in the open.

Now Barry just needs to come back.

Len needs him to come back.

In the four – going on five – months they've been seeing each other, he's grown quite attached. Perhaps that is a flaw on his part – getting attached, that is. He knows better. And yet he did it anyway, and now that's he attached he can't just get _un_ -attached, because life doesn't work that way.

The thing about being attached is that it becomes something you can lose. He's only ever been attached to Lisa before, and he's done what he can to keep her safe. Now, there's another person in the equation, and he's already failed them. Failed them before he realized it was worth defending.

He knows, now. He loves Barry Allen. Barry Allen loves him.

But that doesn't help him right now, because Barry Allen is the Flash and the Flash is still missing.

His cell phone rings, startling him. He's running on two hours of sleep, riddled with bad dreams, so his movements are a little slow and the sound is very loud to him. Only three people ever get in contact with him on this phone – Mick, Lisa, and Barry. Mick is nursing a beer or twelve, and Lisa is asleep, so that leaves…

He swallows, eying the name on the screen.

 _Barry Allen Calling._

It's Cisco. It has to be.

Len sighs, hits the green icon on the phone, and brings said phone to his ear. "Yeah?"

"Is this Len?" comes a female voice, and he stiffens, because he certain wasn't expecting _that_.

"Who is this?" he asks instead of answering, because this is Barry's phone and this isn't Barry, or Cisco. Has someone broken into STAR Labs? Why take a phone?

"Oh! Sorry, where are my manners? I'm Iris, Barry's friend," the female explains, and he relaxes slightly, unaware he'd grown so stiff.

Of course it's Iris. He recognizes her voice now, and he should have before. He blames it on his lack of sleep.

"Right – Iris. Barry's mentioned you a few times," he says.

 _More than a few._

Barry used to be in love with Iris. Whether or not he still is, is another matter entirely, because he said he loves Len.

Can you love two people the same way?

Len's certainly not an expert on that.

"Cisco says you've been calling this phone, so if I wanted to get a hold of you, this is how to do it," Iris explains, and there's a slight tremor to her words.

Nevertheless he has to ask. "Have you found him yet?"

She takes in a shaky breath. "No," she says, and he closes his eyes. "Not yet, but we're working on it. Or, they are. I mean – they're searching for signs of the singularity, and… everything. It's all over my head. But I wanted to talk to you."

"Why me?" he asks. "I'm a criminal."

"Yeah, but you're also Barry's _boyfriend_ , and Barry doesn't date easily, so he must really like you," Iris explains. "As his best friend, I feel like I should get to know you, especially after… well, _this_. Or not. I mean, that's totally up to you, of course, and-"

"Does your father approve of this?" Len cuts her off.

"No, he doesn't know I'm talking to you. He's been… off, since it happened, which, of course he has, Eddie's _dead_ and… and Barry's missing…"

Eddie. It takes Len a moment to place the name. Eddie Thawne, Detective West's partner, also Barry's kind-of-friend, and Iris's boyfriend. He's dead? This is news to Len, which just raises more questions about what happened, and who better to ask than Barry's best friend and (former?) crush?

"We can meet somewhere," he says. "You pick the location."

"Oh," Iris says, brightening a little. "That'd be great!"

She tells him a location, and he agrees, hanging up so he can meet her in twenty minutes.

As he goes to the bathroom to splash water on his face and attempt to become more awake, he catches sight of himself in the mirror. Short, buzzed brown hair, blue eyes, but dark rings around them. He's tired, and worried, and he hates feeling both. He hasn't ever been a vain person, but even he can say he looks like crap right now. And all he can think about right then is-

 _What would Barry say?_

He closes his eyes. Shoves the thought away. Can't do this right now.

He pulls on a light jacket, since it's fairly warm but a little windy tonight, and leaves, wondering why Iris West is up so late.

Maybe he's not the only one who can't sleep.

xXx

Iris West is pretty enough, if Len were into girls. He can see the appeal, though – can see why Barry likes her. Or liked her. They don't speak of Iris, so he's not sure where they stand with that subject.

They've decided to meet at Denny's, for lack of a better location that's open this late, that also has coffee. There's already a steaming cup waiting for him, and he all but inhales the scent and swallows down a sip. It's how he likes it, surprisingly, but how does she know that? He quirks a brow at her, and she smiles. It brightens her whole face. Yeah, he can definitely see why Barry likes her.

"Barry never came out and said he was dating _Leonard Snart_ but he told me all about _Len_ ," Iris says. "Coffee is a big thing with you two, I guess."

Len shrugs, because that's true. They both enjoy their coffee; Len needs it when he's planning a heist and is boycotting sleep, and sometimes he gets too wrapped up in the planning and Barry will slip him a coffee. He'll blink and then there's a hot, steaming mug next to him, only partially filled so Barry doesn't spill it by moving so quickly, but it's there all the same and he's always grateful. And Barry needs it because he's constantly on the go, with his abilities and everything. So, yes, coffee is a 'big thing' with them.

A waitress approaches them, then, and Len's stomach betrays him. It growls. The feeling is so foreign he doesn't understand what's happened at first, but Iris is smiling at him and the waitress is looking expectant. He's not hungry. There's no time for food, he's here for answers. There's no time to eat or sleep right now.

And yet he orders pancakes nevertheless, because it's something he can stomach, and is at least rational enough, despite his lack of sleep, to understand the need for food. Not eating won't help anyone.

Iris orders a chicken salad, and the waitress scurries off.

"Not really hungry, but I guess I need to eat," Iris sighs, looking down at the tabletop.

Len can definitely relate. "How did Eddie die?" he asks, deciding to just jump into it.

Iris stiffens, her whole body freezing. Her eyes quickly close, but Len knows she's hiding tears. "It's a long story."

"Tell me," he says.

"Wells was the Reverse-Flash."

"Was?"

"He's… gone, now," she says softly.

So Barry and the team defeated the Reverse-Flash. So much has happened that he's not aware of, and he hates it. If he had Barry's ability to go back in time, he'd at the very least make sure he always had his phone on him so Barry could call and actually _talk to him_ about everything.

"Did Barry really go back in time?" he asks.

"He told you about that?"

He nods. "He left me a voicemail. I was… unavailable, for a time."

Iris opens her eyes, frowning at him, like she knows he was planning a heist and Barry turned a blind eye, but she says nothing about it. "He was given a chance to go back and save his mom. I don't know what happened – none of us do. All we know is he created a portal through time and space and… it's complicated. But Wells – er, _Eobard_ – wanted to go to the _future_ but he needed Barry's speed to do it, and that's why he's been… manipulating everyone."

Len's head spins. He's too tired for these long explanations, but he's thankful for it nevertheless. He needs to know what's been happening, what he's missed. He needs to know what's going on.

" _Eobard_ never made it through the portal – suddenly Barry was back and smashing his machine into pieces, and then they were fighting. It was… It was crazy," Iris says, actively holding back tears as her eyes close again, and Len stares at her and the pain on her face. "Eddie – Eddie was his ancestor," she explains breathily, the words raw and jagged and wounded, and Len understands that feeling a little too well right now. "Eddie Thawne, ancestor of Eobard Thawne. So Eddie… h-he shot himself. Killed himself, and Eobard… was erased from the timeline."

There's silence after her words are finished. She's swallowing convulsively around the lump in her throat, another feeling Len is too familiar with right now. He swallows himself, watching her, how she struggles to compose herself. She's strong, he'll give her that.

"A-After that, the wormhole opened back up and… and went into the sky," Iris finally continues, a moment later, her voice shaky but Len can't blame her. "And you saw what happened after that."

So that's what he's missed, then. Team Flash caught Harrison Wells, AKA Eobard Thawne, who was – what? From the future, originally? But that makes sense, he supposes, since he was there the night Barry's mom was murdered, as well another version of Barry Allen, also from the future. So Team Flash captured the Reverse-Flash, and then time travel ensued. Except nothing changed.

"Barry didn't save his mom," he says, though it's really a question.

Iris shrugs helplessly. "We don't know what happened when he went back in time. There wasn't… There wasn't _time_ to, and…"

 _Now he's gone,_ they leave unspoken between them, but the words linger nevertheless.

The food arrives rather quickly – neither pancakes nor salad take long to make, after all, the longest part being the few pieces of chicken which top the salad. It's a slow night at Denny's, so it's understandable that they get their food quickly. The rest of the town is still in shock about the singularity, it seems.

The pancakes taste bitter and salty – like betrayal.

" _I love Lisa," Barry sighs contentedly as he sits back after having his third plate of pancakes._

 _Len snorts as he finishes up his own food._

" _Aw, I like you too, Barry," Lisa says as she enters the kitchen from where she'd been in the living room, tossing the kid a wink as she walks past him. "But I don't think would approve of us together."_

" _Tragic," Barry replies with a twist of his lips, an easy smile. "Len, can you make pancakes?"_

" _Not my forte," Len admits. "I'm more of a grill person."_

" _Make me some steak, and I might love you again instead of your sister," Barry says with a smirk, and Len snorts again, shaking his head as he gets to his feet, picking up the empty, syrupy plates._

 _He walks over to the sink and deposits them in it as Lisa throws him a nasty look._

" _I cooked, you clean," she tells him, and he scowls at her because he has much_ better _plans for today, plans which include a certain, vibrating Barry Allen, but she holds his gaze and he finally sighs, relenting._

 _He starts to fill the sink with dishwater and soap as Barry laughs from behind him._

"And _you keep him in line," Barry says. "Is there nothing you can't do?"_

" _I'm pretty amazing," Lisa agrees easily, stealing Len's seat at the table. That little klepto. "If Len's steaks don't pan out, you and I can always run away together and never stop eating pancakes."_

" _Never stop eating pancakes," Barry echoes with another laugh. He has a nice laugh. "I like that. Yeah, let's do that."_

" _Hey," Len complains, simply because he feels like it's something he should do. "No stealing my boyfriend, sis."_

" _But I'm so_ good _at it," Lisa complains back._

" _Now, now, you're both pretty," Barry says._

 _Lisa giggles and Len smiles as he starts doing dishes._

"Len? Can I call you Len?"

Len blinks the memory away, pressure behind his eyes, his head throbbing, and he nods. "Yeah, sure. What is it?"

"Nothing, you just – got this look on your face," Iris says, frowning at him. "Are you okay? Wait – who am I kidding, of course you're not. None of us are okay."

Len doesn't argue with her, mostly because she's right. He's not sure what he is, but he's definitely not okay.

And neither is she.

"Is the food okay?" Iris asks, changing the subject.

"The food's fine," Len says numbly.

xXx

Forty-one hours since the Singularity vanished. Forty-one hours since the Flash vanished, too.

Five hours since he finished his meal with Iris, and the two parted ways.

Four hours since he got home.

Three hours since he crawled into bed, exhausted but unable to sleep.

Two hours since he fell asleep.

Twenty minutes since he woke up in a cold sweat.

His eyelids are so heavy right now. He's so tired, but sleep is a bad idea.

Or the best idea. He's honestly not sure anymore. He's too tired to think.

Not for the first time, his fingers stretch across the bed to knock against cold covers. Not for the first time, he closes his eyes and tries to pretend. Not for the first time, his fingers curl around his phone.

Hearing Cisco answer Barry's phone will always be wrong.

"Anything yet?" he demands instantly.

"Nothing yet," Cisco says, and he sounds rough and tired.

" _None of us are okay,"_ Iris told him.

"Find him," he says, and hangs up like always.

He checks in every few hours, just in case. Just in case in those hours, Barry has somehow returned and Len can be warm again.

After the third time, though, Cisco answers with a quick, "Nothing yet, sorry. We're working on it. You don't need to keep checking in. We miss him too."

" _We miss him too."_

 _I miss him,_ Len realizes.

He misses someone who has only been gone for a day, nearly two days. He misses someone he just saw a few days ago.

Was the room always this small?

Was the bed always this big?

"Find him," Len says again.

"We're trying," Cisco tells him. "You'll be one of the first people to know when we find something."

 _If you find something._

Len sighs.

"And, dude, you sound like hell," Cisco adds. "Get some sleep. Barry wouldn't want you doing this to yourself, and you know it."

"He's not here to order me around," Len mumbles, and realizes that's the main fucking problem.

"So I'll do it for him," Cisco says. "Go to sleep, Leonard."

"Call me…" Len starts.

 _Call me Len._

But he snaps his mouth shut.

" _Call me Len, kid."_

" _Len," the kid tests it out, and smiles, so he must like it. "I can do that. Don't like Leonard?"_

" _Do you like Bartholomew?" Len counters, and Barry laughs, settling further into his side as they lay in bed together._

" _Point taken," Barry says easily. "Len."_

 _Len definitely likes how Barry says his name, he decides as he moves just enough so their mouths can connect once more. "Barry," he replies._

" _Len."_

" _Scarlet."_

 _Barry laughs again._

 _He has a nice laugh, too._

"I'll call you as soon as we find something," Cisco promises, misinterpreting what Len was trying to say.

"Thanks, kid," he says roughly, and hangs up.

There's a knock at his door almost as soon as he drops the phone next to him, on Barry's side of the bed. He sighs and rolls his head toward the door, already knowing who it is.

"Not now, Lisa," he says.

The door opens anyway, and in walks his sister, holding a cup of water. He's actually thirsty, he realizes only after spotting it and the condensation already forming on the glass. He sits up and reaches for the drink but she holds out her other hand instead, dropping two pills into his open palm.

"What's this?" he asks, nearly dropping the pills.

"Sleeping pills," Lisa replies. "You're exhausted, Lenny. Staying awake won't help anyone, but I know you won't go to sleep on your own. These will help."

He shakes his head. "I don't want pills, Lis."

"Take them, for my sanity," Lisa replies.

Dirty blow, but he's taught her well.

He drops the pills into his mouth and she gives him the water. The water washes down the pills and she nods, satisfied.

"It's okay to worry, Len," she says with a sigh, "but try not to lose yourself in the process. Barry wouldn't want that for you."

Barry wouldn't want a lot of things for him, but he's not here, so he doesn't get a vote.

Len shrugs.

Lisa sighs again. "Night, Len. Try to get some sleep."

With that, she leaves the room, and he's left alone once more.

The room is definitely too small.

xXx

Len wakes twelve hours later. It's midday, the sun giving way to evening, and he's lost so much time.

Instantly he checks his phone, but no missed calls, or texts, or anything.

He knows there's no news, but that doesn't stop him from calling Barry's phone again anyway.

Cisco answers after a few rings. "Still nothing, sorry," he says instantly.

Len releases a breath, even though he knew Cisco would say that. "No progress at all? Any ideas? Any way I can help?"

He needs to do something. He needs to be more productive.

"Nothing, sorry," Cisco says again. "We're doing all we can."

Len nods even though he knows Cisco can't see him. "Alright, kid. Thanks."

He hangs up and sighs heavily.

 _Where are you, Barry?_

He doesn't know. He has some answers from Iris, but not the answers he really wants. Knowing what happened helps him understand, but doesn't help him find Barry. It doesn't help Barry come back.

There's a knock at his door, and then the door opens.

"Oh, good, you're up," Lisa says. "Food's done."

"Not hungry," he tells her truthfully, even as his stomach growls and betrays him.

"Your body begs to differ," Lisa says. "You're eating. Come on."

He sighs and allows himself to be led out of the room, wondering when Lisa became the big sibling instead of him.

Mick's already in the kitchen, eating a plate of spaghetti.

Pasta. Something easy. He can do this.

He sits at the table and a plate is put in front of him. He eats without really tasting anything.

"Any word from Cisco?" Lisa asks as she joins them at the table with her own plate of food.

Len just shakes his head.

Lisa sighs. "They'll find him."

"They better," Mick remarks around a mouthful of food. Normally Len would chide him about speaking with a full mouth, call him a barbarian who lacked manners, but now he just sits there and tries to taste his food.

Funny how things can change.

But really, it's not funny at all.

"We're doing something today," Lisa says. "I know it's almost nightfall, but we could all use a distraction."

"Not in the mood," Len tells her honestly.

"Didn't ask if you were, did I?" she counters.

"What did you have in mind?" Mick asks.

Lisa smiles. "Just a small heist."

"Alright, I'm in," Mick says.

Lisa looks expectantly at Len. Len stares back at her. He's not in the mood to rob something right now. He wouldn't be able to concentrate.

"I'll sit this one out," he tells her.

She scowls. "No, silly, you're definitely coming with us."

"I don't want to," he says, aware he sounds like a petulant child, but Lisa is basically ordering him around and he's the big brother here, not her.

"Too bad," Lisa says. "You're coming. Let's go."

xXx

There is no planning done to this heist that Len can see.

It's a small job, just a small auto shop which fixes some nice cars and bikes around the city. There's bound to be a few still in the garage that they can take.

Len doesn't like doing jobs without planning them first, because it's so sloppy. Lisa insists, though, and he could really use a distraction. He takes his phone with him, because he swore to himself he would from now, but he leaves it in the car with Mick, who is the lookout for this job while Lisa and Len go in and get the cars.

It sounds simple enough.

But there's an alarm that goes off as soon as Lisa touches one of the cars, and Len sighs because this is why planning is important. This is way too sloppy, and if they are thrown in jail, that definitely won't help them.

Len grabs Lisa's arm and hauls her away from the car, and out of the shop.

A part of him says this is the part where the Flash usually comes in, especially if an alarm is tripped.

He goes outside, and he can hear sirens in the distance, but there's no yellow lightning, no Flash, no Barry Allen.

They leave the scene of the 'crime' – does it count as crime if they didn't actually take anything – and Len feels colder than before they left.

This job was definitely a bad idea.

"That was stupid," he mutters, mostly to himself, but Lisa looks at him from her position in the front passenger seat while Mick is in the driver's seat and Len himself is in the back with their guns.

"I'll admit it was reckless, but I thought we needed a distraction," Lisa says.

Again with the 'we' stuff. "Why we?" he asks, because he can't help it.

She stares at him for a moment. "We all like Barry, Len. We miss him too."

" _We miss him too."_

The words linger in his mind.

"That was still stupid," he tells her.

"People do stupid things when they worry, Lenny, it's all part of life."

He shakes his head.

People do crazy things when they worry, he agrees.

People also do crazy things when they're in love.

"Your phone rang, by the way," Mick says when they are almost back to their safe house, and Len's whole spine snaps rigid.

"My phone?" he repeats.

"Yeah, it kept ringing so I shut it off, I was trying to focus."

A part of Len wants to be angry with Mick, but he didn't tell Mick how important the phone was right now. He didn't tell him Cisco would call when – not if – they found anything, and now someone had called him. Only three people called that number, and two of them were with him right now.

He knows not to get his hopes up, but that doesn't stop the lump from jumping in his throat as Mick hands him his phone.

By the time the phone turns back on, they are back at the safe house and Len climbs out of the car and disappears inside, into his bedroom, and he knows he won't be followed, at least not for a few minutes. Lisa will give him some room.

Quickly, he dials Barry's number and waits while it rings.

And rings.

And rings.

And goes to voicemail.

He growls under his breath. "Damn it, Cisco, I don't have time for this."

He calls again.

This time it's answered.

"We have… something," Cisco says as greeting.

"Barry?" Len can't help but ask, nearly crushing the phone with his grip.

Cisco sighs regretfully. "Not yet," he says. "But Firestorm's back."

Len's jaw clenches. Firestorm and the Flash disappeared together, but now Firestorm is back, but Cisco says Barry isn't.

"I'll be there in ten minutes."


	5. Chapter 5: Between Hope and Despair

**A/N:** Thanks so much for all the support, guys :) I'm on my lunch break and finished this chapter, so ;) This chapter is kind of all over the place and I kind of hate it, but oh well. The story is winding down. Someone asked how far this was going to go, and I don't know. Maybe 7 or 8 chapters? Depends on how long they wind up being. This chapter is very short, sorry about that, lol. I do plan to go through the months between seasons 1 and 2, and into some episodes of season 2, depending. But probably not in this story. It was always supposed to be short and it's gotten far longer than I ever thought it would xD

Chapter length: 1822

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 5 – Between Hope and Despair**

There's still a lot of rubble around STAR Labs when Len arrives on his motorcycle. Lisa offered to drive him, but he declined; this is something he needs to do alone. He enters STAR Labs and Cisco is waiting for him just inside; apparently the security cameras are still working. Good to know.

Cisco looks exhausted, much how Len feels.

"What happened?" Len asks, watching the tech genius.

Cisco sighs tiredly. "Ronnie and Professor Stein just kind of… _appeared_ , I guess, and they're both very confused. Caitlin's checking them out right now."

"And Barry?" Len asks.

Cisco's expression softens somewhat. "Still nothing on him."

Len nods, because he knew that; Cisco said as much on the phone, but he had to ask nevertheless. Cisco turns and leads the way through the hallways, although Len's fairly certain he knows where's he going; he's cased the place enough, after all. Plus he's been in here before.

The medical room looks intact, at least. Two men occupy the beds, both sitting on the edge, strapped to machines and IVs as they speak to Caitlin, who hurries back and forth between them, collecting blood samples and checking their pulse and blood pressure. She looks up as Cisco and Len enter the room, and her expression softens when she takes sight of Len.

"You don't look well," she comments.

Len rolls eyes. "Nice to see you too, Dr. Snow."

"How are they?" Cisco asks.

"They seem fine, just a little dehydrated, but they _are_ Firestorm," Caitlin says. "Temperatures are normal for them. I've got them on fluids just in case, and I'll monitor them overnight."

"What about Barry?" Cisco asks before Len can, and their attention slides toward the people occupying the beds.

"We didn't see him," the younger man, Ronnie, says apologetically.

"Something strange happened to them," Caitlin says, dragging everyone's attention back to her. "They say it's only been a few seconds for them – they were wondering how it got to be night so quickly."

"Wait – so it's been days for us, but seconds for them?" Cisco asks, mostly to clarify, and there's a knot in Len's stomach.

Caitlin nods. "That's what they're saying."

"Any idea why, Professor?" Cisco asks, looking at the older man with the white hair. Professor Stein, Len recalls.

"Time fluctuation," Professor Stein says. "Perhaps we were too near the center, but not enough to be dragged inside, but not outside of it enough to be set free, either. So we were caught up in its gravity, so to speak, and spat out later, since the singularity dispersed."

All of this is making Len's head hurt. He dropped out of high school, after all; how is he supposed to understand all of this?

Professor Stein seems to see his confusion and tries again. "Time went by quickly for us, but to everyone else it's been days."

That makes a little more sense.

"What about Barry?" he asks, because that's all he really wants to know.

"I am surprised he didn't appear with us," Ronnie says. "We would have been in roughly the same area – well, we were a little further in than he was."

"So, theoretically, he should have been spat out before you two," Cisco says.

Professor Stein nods, and that knot in Len's stomach keeps growing. At this rate he'll never eat again.

"Barry's speed was incredible," Caitlin says. "He stabilized the singularity – maybe that's why he's not back yet?"

"Perhaps," Professor Stein allows. "Theoretically, then, he should appear at some point, too."

Len's head throbs. "So he'll be back?" he asks, because, _hello_ , high school drop out here, he doesn't understand what they're saying half the time. He's smart, sure, but he's more street smart than anything. All this talk of 'theoretical' doesn't help him.

"Only time will tell, I'm afraid," the professor says.

It's not exactly encouraging, but it's all Len has at the moment, so he nods.

Firestorm reappeared.

The Flash should, too.

xXx

Lisa's disappointed to hear Barry's not back yet, but is hopeful he'll return soon. Len wants to share in her enthusiasm, but finds he can't. He's too tired, too cold, too old for this. He enters his bedroom and closes the door behind him, reminding himself once again that he needs to invest in a lock.

It's been a very long day, and it's past midnight. He's exhausted despite his twelve hours of sleep. Stress can do that, though.

" _You're too tense," Barry says, and then there's hands on Len's back, fingers prodding into tender, tight flesh and he gasps because he certainly was not expecting this. Barry all but straddles him from behind, and Len sinks into his pillows with a contented sigh as the massage continues._

 _And then Barry's hands start to vibrate, and Len moans happily._

" _Fuck, kid," he says with a smile, "if this whole Flash thing doesn't pan out, you definitely have a job as a masseur."_

 _Barry laughs quietly, vibrating fingers kneading into tender flesh, and it feels amazing. "You just like the vibrating."_

" _That's not all I like," he says tiredly, unaware his mouth is moving._

" _Oh? What else do you like?" Barry asks, digging deeper into his tense muscles._

You, _is what he doesn't say._

 _Instead he rolls over, causing Barry to topple off of him and stop the impromptu massage. Barry looks slightly startled but before he has a chance to recover, Len's on top of him, and their mouths are one._

 _The kid vibrates again, and Len smiles against warm, pliable lips._

The memories need to stop, Len tells himself. They really aren't helping.

They're just making him cold.

 _Where are you, Barry…_

He sits heavily on the too-large bed, atop cold covers.

Life has turned into a waiting game, and Len has never been very good at waiting games unless it comes to a job.

Then he's Mr. Perfection at it.

Captain Cold.

Right now he's just Len Snart, and Len Snart is terrible at waiting.

 _Come back soon, kid…_

xXx

One-hundred-and-twenty-eight hours since the Singularity vanished. Since the Flash vanished.

Five days.

Two days since Professor Stein and Ronnie returned. One day since they were released from STAR Labs and allowed to go home.

Twenty-six hours since Len slept last.

Forty minutes since Lisa slipped him some crushed sleeping pills in his drink. He know she did it, but said nothing. Sleep might help. Nothing else is helping, so therefore sleep is the last option, right? And he's so tired, but his body refuses to rest and his mind refuses to shut down long enough to sleep.

Ten minutes since he's gone to bed.

His eyelids are heavy, but the bed is cold.

When sleep finally claims him, it isn't pleasant.

xXx

One-hundred-and-fifty-three hours since the Singularity closed and the Flash vanished.

Nearly seven days.

All the counting is giving him a severe migraine, and so he stops. He stops counting.

Instead he sleeps.

xXx

Lisa's worried about him. She drags him out of the safe house into the warm air and the blue sky. Normally he enjoys peaceful days like this, where the air is perfect and the sky is clear, but today it just doesn't feel right.

It's been a week since the Singularity. He's trying not to count the hours.

There's still no sign of Barry.

Len tries to get used to a world where he's alone, where the bed is always cold and there's not a warm smile waiting for him in a flash. He's been alone all of his life – he'll be fine when he's alone again.

But there's a stubborn part of him which refuses to give up its tentative hold on hope.

Hope is for the weak.

And love isn't for Leonard Snart.

There's no room for love with Captain Cold.

xXx

Eight days.

He's going crazy in the safe house. He needs something to focus on.

He starts planning a job.

He checks in with Cisco twice a day, but there's still no change. There's still no sign of Barry, and that world alone is getting more and more likely.

Captain Cold doesn't need anyone, though.

He was fine before Barry – he'll be fine after him.

xXx

Nine days.

Who is he kidding?

He's not fine without Barry.

He's too used to warm green eyes and that easy smile. He's too used to vibrating limbs tangling around him. He's too used to not being alone.

He was fine before Barry, but he won't be fine after him.

xXx

Ten days.

He pulls a heist with Lisa and Mick.

Without the Flash to 'interfere', things go too smoothly, and there is no challenge.

He leaves with his spoils feeling more empty than when he started.

xXx

At night he dreams of not being alone.

There's a warm body against his own. A breathy voice in his ear. Barry's real and warm and whole and Len holds onto him as long as the dream will last. Sometimes they just sit together on the couch and watch TV; sometimes they're in bed together. Sometimes they're in the kitchen eating breakfast, or playing poker with Lisa and Mick.

At night he dreams of the life he had for only a short while.

The life he desperately wants back.

But he's Captain Cold, and he doesn't get a happy ending. Heroes get happy endings. Villains only get despair.

But then where does that leave Barry? He's a hero, and yet he got a black hole as his ending.

Life isn't fair, Len decides. Life is terrible and cruel.

A part of him can't help but wonder if Barry's being punished for all the terrible things Len has done in the past. It's not fair.

This is Len's punishment.

xXx

There's a meta-human acting up, and the Flash can't stop it. Firestorm does their best but they aren't quiet fast enough to corral the person, without igniting half the block. Cisco calls in Len, asking for his help.

Len's first instinct is to decline. He's a villain, not a hero. He's not going to help them.

But Barry's not here, and Barry would be so disappointed in him if he said no, so he says yes before he's quite sure what he's doing.

He joins Firestorm, and together they take down the meta-human.

Cisco says Barry would be proud.

By now Len's more than used to the cold.

xXx

The phone's ringing.

Len's tired. Sleep isn't his friend right now; he wakes every thirty minutes or so. He's tried to stop counting. He lifts his head from the pillow and avoids looking at the empty side of the bed.

His fingers reach absently for his phone, and he answers with a rough, "What?"

Because it's early, and he's tired.

"Get to STAR Labs," Cisco says.

Len sits up instantly. "What? Why?"

"He's back," is all Cisco says, and that's all Len needs.


	6. Chapter 6: Fine Again

**A/N:** Thanks so much for all the support for this story :) You guys are truly awesome! I agonized over this chapter for a little while. Barry hasn't been in it the whole story, really, save for flashbacks and memories, so I wasn't sure what to do with him at first xD But here you go. This story is coming to a close, sadly. We'll see how long the next few chapters wind up being, heh. This one is a bit longer, at least, at 2.7k. I don't usually like having chapters shorter than 3k. Some of my stories, the chapters aren't ever shorter than 5k. Anywho, my head's on fire and I have to get ready for work, sigh. But here's this chapter :D Enjoy!

Chapter length: 2713

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 6 – Fine Again**

Leaving the safe house is a blur, as is the motorcycle drive to STAR Labs. Once Len becomes aware of his movements again, he's walking through the hallways of STAR Labs, on his way to the medical area. Cisco said Barry was back, and that means he'll be in the medical area, like Ronnie and Professor Stein were.

He's not sure how to feel. Relieved, sure, but it's like all of his emotions are on hold right now, like someone hit the pause button. His thoughts are scattered and brief; he can't think clearly. Thankfully his body moves on its own, because it knows what to do even when he doesn't.

His heart is racing, but there's no physical reason for it.

His breath is lodged in his throat, like he's holding it, except he's breathing just fine, physically.

It's this odd mixture of sensations and he's not sure how he should feel.

The walk down the hallways lasts an eternity, and is also entirely too short. He's not sure what he's going to do once he gets to the medical area, or what he'll say, what he should say, what he can say, what-

He enters the medical area, and his eyes land on Barry.

Barry Allen, who is sitting on a bed much like Ronnie and Stein were before, holding his arm out for Caitlin to wrap a blood-pressure sleeve around. Len stops where he stands, and stares for a moment. Perhaps he should be embarrassed at this lapse in his cool exterior and for showing such emotion, but honestly, all he cares about right now is the fact it's over.

The long wait is finally over, and he takes a minute to just _breathe_.

The cold within begins to warm.

Barry must feel his eyes on him, because sure enough the kid's head turns and then green eyes are connected with his own, and the kid has the audacity to smile.

Cisco and Caitlin turn at Barry's look and see Len standing there. Caitlin smiles at him, and Cisco laughs.

"You got here fast for not being a meta-human," Cisco says.

"Give us a minute," Len says somewhat tersely.

Caitlin frowns. "But I need to-"

"It's fine," Cisco says, grabbing her arm and dragging her from the room. As soon as the door closes and the two of them are alone, Len walks toward the bed where Barry follows his every movement.

His eyes scan up and down the speedster, but he seems unharmed save for a busted lip which seems to already be healing. Barry smiles, expression easy and relaxed and everything Len remembers and thought he wouldn't see again. Something in him cracks, splinters – _shatters_.

"Len," Barry says, frowning suddenly; it must show on his face.

Hearing Barry say his name threatens to undo him completely. It's been so long since he's heard that voice. Len shifts his feet, torn between surging forward and standing still. Holding on and keeping to himself. There are cameras, after all, so they are probably being watched by Caitlin and Cisco.

And once he makes physical contact, he knows he won't be able to control himself, so he stays put despite how much he wants to move forward, wants to touch and feel and poke and prod and kiss and-

"Barry," Len replies, clearing his throat. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," Barry says. "Len, what happened? You look terrible."

Len snorts. It's the first time he's seen the kid in weeks and the first thing he does is tell Len he doesn't look nice. "You vanished," Len says through gritted teeth, because it seems like Barry doesn't understand the impact his disappearance had on people. Still has on people.

Barry's frown deepens. "I thought you were on a job?" And then, more quietly: "Has it really been two weeks?"

Fourteen days.

Fourteen long, cold days.

The sound Len releases can't be classified as a sigh, but it's all he's got. "Yes," he says softly, still watching the speedster like he might keel over at any given moment, or disappear again. "And I'm sorry I was on a job, kid. I got your messages."

And is the kid blushing now? "Oh, uh, r-right, those… Um. Look. I know we've only been together for a few months so me suddenly saying 'I love you' might be a bit odd, and I don't expect you to say it back so it's perfectly fine if you don't, so don't worry about-"

He's talking too much. Len smiles. This is something that was missed.

He's unaware he's moving forward until Barry stops talking and stares at him, uncertain. Len closes the distance between them, cameras be damned, because two weeks is fourteen days, and fourteen days are too many hours. And that's a long time to be missing someone, a long time to hold onto tentative hope even when the cruel reality is the one thing which could have brought you warmth you didn't know you wanted, is something that might never return.

Barry's mouth is as warm and pliable as always, and the kid's eager. Of course he is. To him it's only been a few days since he last saw Len, and who knows how many hours since he made that phone call saying he loved Len. And then said goodbye.

It's the goodbye that leaves Len reaching for the kid. Barry's own hands eagerly raise and grasp the fuzzy neck of Len's parka, pulling him closer until he's practically in the kid's lap, which really won't do.

He uses his own arms and wraps them around the speedster before he slips off of him, dragging Barry with him so the kid is in his lap instead. There. Much better.

Barry laughs as their mouths part. The sound is the same as it's always been; Len just appreciates it more now.

"You know they're probably watching us, right?" Barry says, holding onto him, fitting perfectly against him like always.

"Let them watch," Len says. "They're unimportant."

"I missed you," Barry admits.

Len swallows. Admissions of affection have never been their strong suit; the affection is there, in their touches and kisses and everything, but they've never come outright and said it until Barry said it in a voicemail.

He's quiet for too long. Hesitation mars Barry's brow.

"Did… you miss me?" the kid asks timidly.

Len takes in a slow breath. "Kid, you don't even know the half of it," he tells him, and then kisses him again, long and hard so he _knows_ he was indeed missed.

A throat clears, then, and Barry pulls away enough to look over his shoulder at Caitlin as she stands in the doorway with her arms folded across her chest. Len shoots her a glare for interrupting them, but she seems unphased.

"I need to continue checking your vitals," she says. "You can go back to making out later, preferably not in my medical area."

"You're telling me you didn't make out with Ronnie?" Barry asks, and Caitlin's face reddens.

Len laughs.

It's been a long time since he's laughed. The sound is foreign, but it feels good.

Another block of ice dislodges.

"Ignore her," Cisco says, entering the room as well, with a strand of licorice in his mouth. "She totally made out with him, and cried and hugged him. At least Cold's not crying."

Len shoots him a glare as well.

Cisco ignores it.

Damn him.

If Len had his cold gun right now…

Barry shifts in his lap so he's more comfortable and is facing the others more. Len's hold unconsciously tightens around the brunette's waist, keeping him there.

"I'm fine, guys," Barry says. "Can't I just go?"

"No, you're not going to run off again like you did when you woke from your coma," Caitlin says with a scowl. "We're going to check you over _thoroughly_. You traveled through _time_ , Barry."

"And you still haven't told us about it," Cisco complains.

This is something Len also wants answered. "What happened with that?" he asks.

Barry deflates. Len can't see his face due to how they're sitting, but he sees it in the way his shoulders drop. His hold tightens a little further.

"I don't want to talk about it," Barry mutters, and his voice has this icy cadence it's never had before.

Caitlin and Cisco stare at him.

"But we need to know what happened," Cisco says tentatively.

"I _said_ I don't want to talk about it!" Barry snaps, and then he's off Len's lap, tearing free of his grip, and that stance means he's going to run and vanish in a flash.

Len's mind blanks.

He's unaware his fingers have ensnared Barry's wrist in a death grip until he's yanked off the bed and nearly topples to the floor as Barry starts to run. Barry instantly realizes what's happened and before Len can hit the ground, he's easily caught and straightened. The whole even lasts less than a second and leaves Len's head spinning.

"I'm sorry," Barry says quickly, "are you okay?"

 _Am I okay?_

Len wants to laugh, because he's not the one who vanished for _two weeks_.

Instead he glares at the kid. "Let them check you out," he says.

"I'm fine," Barry says instantly.

"Then there's no harm in letting them look you over," Len points out.

Barry scowls. "I'm _fine_."

"I don't care, Scarlet; you're going to let them look you over, and you're going to let them observe you through the night."

Len holds his gaze as Barry opens his mouth to argue. The kid snaps his mouth shut and sighs, and Len knows he's won that argument at least. He doesn't like arguing with the kid, but having him run off so soon after he returned is wrong, and he was gone for _two weeks_ , not just a few days like Ronnie and Stein.

Barry looks over his shoulder at Caitlin and Cisco. "I _don't_ want to talk about it," he says, and then takes in a slow breath. "At least right now. Give me… Give me a day. I need to process."

And that's understandable.

To him it's only been a few seconds since he disappeared into the Singularity; two weeks for everyone else.

"Okay, Barry," Caitlin says softly. "Whatever you need. But I'm still running some tests on you and keeping you overnight for observation. No! No arguing, Barry Allen. Ronnie and Professor Stein had to stay for observation, too. Just because you're fast doesn't mean you get special treatment."

Barry grumbles under his breath but nevertheless nods, and Len relaxes his hold a little, watching the kid's tense muscles loosen slightly.

They both sit on the bed as Caitlin approaches them. Barry stays pushed against his side, though, so the warmth of his contact is still there, and it's enough for now.

Caitlin wraps the blood pressure sleeve around Barry's arm again, and the fingers of Barry's free hand find Len's.

They've never held hands before.

xXx

Len stays at STAR Labs that night. There's no way he could leave if he tried, but he doesn't try.

Instead he shares a bed with Barry despite Caitlin's orders. She's gone home for the night but Barry's hooked up to a monitor which will inform her if there's any change in him, and Cisco's in the other room probably monitoring the vitals from there.

The bed is small and the only way they both fit is to be sandwiched together, but that's perfectly fine. Barry curls against him easily, with his head on Len's chest, and Len doesn't mind being a pillow.

His arm has long since fallen asleep beneath the kid, but that's okay. He doesn't need that arm anyway.

For a little while, he watches Barry sleep in the dim lighting of the room. Barry would joke about it being creepy if he were awake, but he looks so peaceful in his sleep. There's been a certain heaviness to his expression ever since he returned, and Len knows something happened when Barry went back in time, but the kid isn't talking about it, and that's fine.

He will eventually, and Len will be right here when he does.

Len's eyes close some time around 2:00am.

When he drifts off to sleep, it's to the soothing sound of Barry's soft snores.

xXx

Len wakes the next morning alone.

The panic hits him hard and suddenly. A second later he's sitting up, the thin cover falling away from him as he quickly looks around the room. He's alone, and that's not okay. That's not fine.

Did he dream everything?

He's not sure what he'll do if that's the case.

The cold seeps back in.

Barry enters the room, and the warmth is staggering.

"Hey," Barry says, and then frowns. "Whoa, hey, what's wrong?" he asks, appearing at Len's side in a flash, and Len growls under his breath as he reaches out and snags the front of the kid's shirt, yanking him forward.

Barry staggers and their mouths connect with a muffled "oomph". Once they pull apart the kid has that silly 'kissed senseless' look on his face.

"What was that for? Not that I'm complaining," Barry says quickly.

"Stop disappearing on me," Len orders.

Barry smiles faintly. "I'm sorry. Cisco made coffee – I was coming back to wake you. You slept like a baby, you know; didn't even move when I got out of bed."

And that's unlike him, but he's been tired lately, and he slept so soundly last night. So much better than he has in two long weeks.

"Coffee, you said?" Len asks, because that's easier to focus on than the lump in his throat.

Barry laughs again. He has a nice laugh.

"C'mon, sleepyhead."

And then Barry's grabbing his hand and pulling him to his feet.

They walk through the hallways and enter a kitchen area, it seems. This lab has everything. At the table sit Caitlin, Cisco, Iris and Detective West.

Len was not expecting company.

Barry's hand is warm in his.

There's a cup of coffee waiting for him at one of the empty seats at the table. He and Barry sit, and Len picks up his coffee with his free hand. Somehow, the mug isn't as warm as Barry's hand.

"All of your vitals look normal," Caitlin says, looking through a personal pad which she has on the table in front of her, scrolling through the contents. It must be Barry's vitals from through the night. "Heartrate's fast, but that's usual for you. I bet you're starving, even with all those IVs."

Barry nods sheepishly.

"We'll go eat after this," Detective West promises, smiling at the kid.

"What happened, Barry?" Iris asks, getting to the point.

Len expects nothing less from the journalist.

Barry tenses, his hold on Len's hand tightening beneath the table, almost painfully so, but Len squeezes back in response.

"I went back to save my mom, and I didn't," Barry says. "That's it."

"Why didn't you?" Iris asked. "I mean – were you too late, or…?"

"No, I got there in time," Barry says somewhat bitterly, his gaze focused down on the tabletop rather than the people around the table. Barry's always been good at looking people in the eye even when he's upset or getting yelled at; now he looks at no one, and it's very unlike him.

"Then what happened?" Detective West asks.

"I saw myself."

"I told you there'd be three of you there," Cisco says.

Three Barrys.

"My future self," Barry clarifies.

Len's confused, but lets Barry continue at his own pace.

"He… shook his head no, when I went to save her," Barry says softly, voice barely audible. "So I didn't. I came back to fight Wells – I mean, _Eobard_ , and… you know how that went."

It's quiet for a long time.

"Food," Detective West says, getting to his feet. "I say we all get some food."

The change in subject is welcome.

The tense silence abates as Barry nods and gets to his feet. Len follows after him, mostly because his hand is still being held hostage and Barry moves quickly.

There's something Barry isn't saying, but for now Len's okay with the silence.


	7. Chapter 7: Of Guilt and Love

**A/N:** Okay, so it might be 10 chapters now xD I got some ideas as I was writing this chapter. I don't know when I'll update again; I have a baby shower to go to, and I have to work and balance a social life. Or try to. Ugh. And I need to get in to see the doc about my wrist because OUCH, okay? And refill my headache pain pills. Ugh. I'm rambling, I'm tired, sorry xD But I'll try to update soon-ish, it just might not be as quickly as they have been coming. Or maybe I'll get a bunch of inspiration and write it quickly, who knows xD

Thanks so much for the comments, they really do make me update :) Without the comments I wouldn't be this far into this story at all. So, thank you, for the comments and kudos and everything. I really appreciate it :)

PS: I debated about karaoke for them.

Chapter length: 2863

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 7 – Of Guilt and Love**

Barry eats a lot, but no one questions it at the restaurant, so that's good. They probably assume the rest of them are helping him eat it. Len does steal some of his food, but he's a criminal – that's his job.

They let go of each other's hands through the meal, but that's okay because to fit all of them at a table, they're so crammed together anyway that at least there's still physical contact. Len's not sure when physical contact became so vital. Detective West tosses him odd glances across the table but he adeptly ignores him for the duration of the meal. He is unimportant.

"So how long have you two been a thing?" the detective asks after Barry seems to be done eating, sitting back with a contented sigh.

The easy line of Barry's back straightens. "Not now, Joe."

"I'm just curious," Joe West says. "This isn't an interrogation."

"You make everything seem like an interrogation," Iris says offhandedly, munching on a piece of bacon. "No offence."

"I'm just curious to know how long my son has been dating a criminal."

Barry sighs heavily. "A few months."

"And how serious is it?"

Len glares at the man, but the detective is also adept at ignoring such looks.

"It…" Here Barry stops and looks at Len, indecisive, and Len's not sure what to tell him. Things between them have always been both easy and complicated. Spending time together is easy; explaining it is another matter entirely. Finally Barry sighs and looks back across the table at the detective. "It's serious enough. He's my boyfriend."

West's face looks like he drank some bad coffee. "You do realize he kidnapped both of your friends, right?"

"They're cool with it," Barry says.

"We're cool with it," Cisco agrees. "When he took me he was nice to me. I thought it was strange, but it makes sense now."

"I can't really say the same, but he's been nice lately," Caitlin says.

When Len and Mick took her to get the Flash's attention, Len wasn't ever mean to her; he kept Mick in line and everything. But he could have been nicer, he knows. At the time he had no reason to believe he'd get so close to the Flash, so why be friendly to his enemy's companions?

"We went to eat once," Iris says. "He was nice."

 _Nice._

Len has never been called 'nice' so many times in a row. It's dizzying.

"I know you don't approve," Barry says softly, and the table falls silent. "And you don't have to. Just know I'm okay, and Len's okay, and we're… okay."

West's eyes swivel to focus on Len. "And do you care about my son, or are you using him?"

It's not a good topic of discussion to have around a dinner table, but it was bound to happen eventually. Nevertheless, Len scowls. "Barry's an adult and he made his own choices. I didn't force him into anything, if that's what you're asking," he says coldly, pushing his empty plate of food away from him. If he was on the edge of the table he and Barry would leave, but since he's near the middle, he stays put.

"Enough of this," Barry says. "Let's just have a nice meal."

"He's tried to kill you before," West says. "What makes you think he won't turn on you in your sleep?"

"Because I've slept with him a bunch of times, and I'm clearly still alive," Barry snaps. "He didn't force me into anything and he has nothing to gain by _using_ me, as you say. He hasn't influenced me in any way."

"Has he had you turn a blind eye to his criminal activities?" West asks, and Barry's mouth snaps shut.

The table is silent for too long.

"I thought so," West says with a heavy sigh. "Son, I know you like him, but he's a criminal and he's using you."

Len wishes he had his cold gun right about now.

"Enough," he snaps nevertheless, and all eyes turn toward him. "I'm not _using_ him. And stop talking about me like I'm not right here. If you're going to talk about me, do it to my face."

Barry's fingers brush against his own on the seat between them. Len takes in a calming breath.

"Stop insulting my boyfriend," Barry says. "Or we're leaving."

Len's all for leaving. Together.

West sits back with a sigh. "I'm sorry, son. I don't mean to be… I'm not trying to insult anyone. I'm just trying to understand. I'm a cop – it's hard for me to trust a man like Leonard Snart. No offense."

 _How is that not offensive?_ But nevertheless, Len nods.

Barry relaxes slightly. "I'm an adult and I can make my own choices."

West nods. "That doesn't mean I can't worry about you."

Iris rubs her father's shoulder. "It's what you do – you worry. Right, Barry?"

Barry nods again, and when Len glances at him out of the corner of his eye, he's smiling faintly.

The tense atmosphere slowly abates.

xXx

After breakfast, everyone goes their separate ways. Iris and Detective West go home, Cisco and Caitlin go back to STAR Labs, and Barry and Len head back to Len's safe house. Lisa is waiting for them outside, and she smiles widely when she sees them, and envelopes Barry in a tight hug which Barry happily reciprocates.

" _Flash_ ," Lisa says with a smirk, and Barry shoots a semi-panicked look at Len as Lisa releases him.

"I was gone for a few seconds and you told her?" he asks.

Len scowls. "It was two weeks."

Barry blinks. "Oh. Right. Yeah, I keep forgetting that."

"What do you mean, seconds?" Lisa asks, confused.

Len explains the situation to her as best as he can. Barry doesn't add any helpful information, instead standing in the background as though attempting to become one with it, which really isn't like him. After explaining things to Lisa, she demands that they go get a drink, and Barry explains that he can't get drunk, so at least he's talking.

"That's terrible," Lisa says with a frown. "Everyone should be able to get drunk. How old are you?"

"I know, I know," Barry sighs, like he's had this conversation before. "I'm only twenty-five and my drinking days are over."

"We'll get drinks anyway," Lisa says. "Ah-ah, no arguing, Fastguy."

Barry scowls. "What is with you Snarts coming up with names for me? Barry works just fine, as does the Flash."

Lisa laughs. "It's what we do, as Golden Glider and Captain Cold."

Barry sighs, smiling tiredly. "Right. You have names, so you name me." His gaze slides toward Len and the smile widens briefly. "How could I forget?"

Len shakes his head and grabs Barry's arm. "I'm stealing my boyfriend for a while."

It's been a while since he's said that – _my boyfriend_. The words slip easily from his mouth despite their earlier absence. Lisa's lips twist into this knowing smile. Len slips away with Barry before she can say anything, and the two disappear into Len's room – the master bedroom of the safe house.

"Two weeks," Barry mutters, mostly to himself, running a hand through his hair, mussing it up. Len's used to seeing it windblown, so having it nicely combed for so long was a little unsettling. Now he looks more like the Barry he knows and loves.

 _Loves…_

"How are you?" Len asks, mostly because Barry doesn't seem fine. "And don't say you're fine, because that's a lie and you know I hate lies."

Len might be a criminal, but he doesn't lie, and he hates being lied to.

Barry is a terrible liar, so it usually works out.

Except for when it comes to the kid's health. Then he's like a savant at lying.

"I…" Barry's teeth catch his lower lip between them, chewing on it briefly, before he sighs and shakes his head. "I don't even know. It's all so weird. Yesterday I… I went back in time. Eddie _died_. And today… The funeral's over. I missed it. I blinked and I missed it."

Len frowns. Barry's upset because he missed Eddie's funeral? That's what this is about? "We can visit his grave," he says.

Barry shakes his head again, gaze downcast and focused on the floor, which, again, is really unlike him. "I shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"I… It's my fault."

"How is it your fault? I was told he killed himself," Len says, because he's confused. Eddie shot himself to stop Wells.

"It's _my fault_ ," Barry says again, adamantly.

"Okay, then explain how it's your fault, kid, because from my perspective, it's not."

Barry's shoulders stiffen as he turns away from Len, running his hands through his hair again. "It's all so messed up."

"Explain it to me. What happened while you were time traveling, kid?"

He needs to know. He needs to know what happened, and he needs to know why Barry blames himself. Guilt is a powerful thing. Heavy and cold and wrong.

Barry mumbles something.

"Louder, Scarlet."

The kid's shoulders droop. "I was selfish."

"You're the definition of selfless," Len says, because there isn't a selfish bone in Barry's body.

Barry paces away from him, his back still to Len. "I was so selfish, and Eddie died for it." He spins so suddenly it's almost a blur of motion, but not quite. "How many died? From the Singularity? How many?"

Len shakes his head, because he doesn't know.

" _How many_?" Barry demands.

"I don't know, kid. I wasn't exactly paying attention."

"How could you not…?" Barry asks, frowning. "It was freaking huge."

"I was preoccupied."

"With _what_? A job?"

Len scowls, irritated. "No, kid, I was a little preoccupied with the fact my _boyfriend_ decided it was a _good idea_ to go running into a _black hole_ ," he snaps, glaring at the kid for being so completely dense.

Barry stops. Frowns. "What…? I mean… What? You were worried about me?"

Why does he sound so surprised?

Len has been a terrible boyfriend he truly made Barry question his affection so much. It's true they were never meant to be anything 'serious', but someone didn't tell Len's heart that. He's attached. Very, very attached. Terribly so.

"You ran into a black hole," Len repeats. "Yes, I was worried."

Barry stares at him for a good minute.

A knock at the door interrupts them.

Lisa enters because Len's door doesn't have a lock. He's definitely putting that on his to-do list.

"C'mon, lazy boys, it's time for drinks!" she says, before taking notice of the atmosphere. "You're not arguing, are you? Because, Lenny, you've been a bit of a dysfunctional human being for two weeks, the least you could do is be nice to the guy you love."

Len shoots her a glare.

Barry freezes.

Lisa laughs. "Right, sorry, apparently that's hush-hush. Alright! Let's go!"

She grabs Barry's arm and yanks him out of the room.

Len follows after them.

xXx

"This does nothing to me," Barry says as he takes a swallow of the beer.

"Just shut up and chug," Lisa says.

"Have you had a hundred of them?" Mick asks. "Maybe that will do it."

Barry's laugh is weak but it's still a laugh. Len will take it. He chugs down about half of his beer and looks around the bar. They usually go to Saints and Sinners, but tonight they have gone somewhere different. Lisa wanted to mix it up, and what Lisa wants, Lisa gets.

"Caitlin made some alcohol for me," Barry says. "It lasted a few seconds."

Mick barks out a quick laugh. "I'll drink to that."

He taps his bottle to Barry's, and then to Lisa's, and then Len's and then takes a drink.

Barry laughs again, and takes a drink. Lisa does, too, and so does Len.

"So, Lenny," Lisa says, and she has this inflection which makes Len know he's not going to like what she has to say. "You never did tell me what it's like having sex with the Flash."

Barry nearly spits out his drink, choking and coughing around the liquid burning down his throat. Len throws her a glare but she just bats her eyes at him and smiles. Little shit.

"W-What exactly have you been telling them?" Barry wheezes.

"Nothing," Len says, quirking a brow. "It's not like I told them you _vibrate_."

And now it's Lisa nearly spitting out _her_ drink. "Oh. My. God. Are you serious?" She looks at Barry. "You _vibrate_?"

Barry pales. "Um… yeah? Sometimes. I mean… I can't… I can't control it! It just happens!"

He's so flustered. Len laughs and Barry scowls at him.

"You're like the world's best sex toy," Lisa gushes. "Oh, Lenny, when do I get my turn?"

" _What_?" Barry chokes.

Len slides an arm around Barry's shoulders. "Get your own," he says to his sister.

"But… Sharing is caring, dear brother."

"I'm getting another beer," Mick says, quick to leave this conversation as he gets to his feet and walks away. Barry stares after him helplessly.

"I don't share," Len says.

"I'm your _sister_. We share everything."

"That is a blatant lie."

"No it isn't. What's yours is mine."

"Don't I get a say in this?" Barry asks.

"Sure," Lisa says with that twist of her lips. "You can say whatever you want when you're vibrating."

"Oh, God," Barry says, hiding his face in his hands.

"Is that what you say in bed?"

"Len," Barry says helplessly.

"Stop embarrassing my boyfriend," Len tells his sister. "And get your own."

"… Can Cisco vibrate?"

Barry pushes to his feet. "Beer. Mick had the right idea. I'll just go see what's taking him so long."

He moves to walk away but stops suddenly and looks at Len.

"Uh… can I have my hand back for a moment?"

Len blinks and then realizes he has indeed been holding Barry's hand with his free hand. He instantly releases him and Barry offers a small smile before he walks away. Len's eyes trace his movements as he walks across the bar toward the barkeep, where he stops next to Mick.

"Lenny? Earth to Lenny? Hellloooo, Lenny."

Len grunts in response.

"If you keep staring at him like that, he might start vibrating."

Len looks at her. "What are you talking about?"

"You're practically eye-fucking him. In public. Without sharing. It's not very nice," she says with a shrug.

He scowls. "I am not."

"He's not going to disappear the minute you look away," she says softly, quickly sobering, looking at him with a sad smile. "You know that, right?"

"Of course I know that," Len says.

Nevertheless, his gaze wanders back across the bar. Barry's talking to Mick.

"Does he know?"

"Know what?" Len sighs, looking back at his sister.

"That you're hopelessly in love with him? That you shut down while he was missing? Any of this ringing any bells?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play stupid, it doesn't suit you. Does he know?"

"Know _what_?"

"So you haven't told him you love him? That you missed him?"

Len scowls.

Lisa sits back, shaking her head. "Of course you haven't. You need to."

He rolls his eyes.

"I'm serious, Lenny. Talk to him."

Len sighs and looks back across the bar.

Mick's alone.

He's on his feet before he realizes what he's doing.

There are two exits to this bar. Two blocks of crowded foot-traffic. A stoplight down the block. If he-

"Lenny, what's wrong?" Lisa asks, grabbing his shoulder.

He shakes her off, looking around the bar, scanning through the crowd.

Mick returns. "What's wrong with him?"

"Lenny?"

"Where's Barry?" he asks, already calculating. A getaway car can't get too far in just a few minutes. If he hurries, he can track them down and-

"He went to the bathroom," Mick answers with a shrug. "Kid's got a tiny bladder. Or a fast one. I'm not sure which."

Len isn't aware he's moving until Mick's voice becomes more distant.

A hand grabs his wrist and yanks him back.

"Oh no, Lenny, you aren't stalking your boyfriend into the bathroom," Lisa says. "Barry's _fine_. Just because he's out of your sight doesn't mean something happened."

And that's true – it doesn't mean that. Len's being irrational, and he _knows_ that, but that doesn't stop the chill from seeping in. It doesn't stop his heart from racing like he's just completely a marathon. It doesn't stop the knot from curling tightly in his stomach.

His gaze latches onto the hallway leading into the bathrooms.

Barry appears from around the corner, drying his hands on his pants, easily dodging people in the crowd until he looks up and his eyes meet Len's. He smiles, and Len can breathe again.

"Talk to him," Lisa says quietly, as Len steps back toward the table, keeping an eye on the kid.

"Stop telling me what to do," he says absently.

"I will when you _tell him you love him_."

Barry returns, and Lisa promptly changes tune.

"Tiny bladder?" she asks with a giggle.

Barry scowls at her.

"Now, about this vibrating…"


	8. Chapter 8: Holding Pattern

**A/N:** My head's on fire, I took my last 2 painpills I was saving for when it's really bad... but came home crying on my lunch break, so I guess it's bad, huh? Giving it a level 9 on the pain scale (nothing ever gets to 10, that's reserved for the special "Saturday Headache" of 2012. *shudders*

Anyway, sorry for the shortness of these chapters, but oh well xD Maybe the next one will be long. I had a few ideas for the length of this story and how far it should go, but the main plotline is mostly Len during Barry's absence, so... But I might just ago and do the first few months after the Singularity. I do plan on doing at least episode 3 of season 2, "Family of Rogues", at some point, but it will probably be out of order on the timeline. I'm not going to do every episode, either, just pick a few. We'll see how it goes, since I don't like planning xD I just go with it.

Thanks for the reviews and everything, again :) They make me smile despite the pain. This is for you.

Chapter length: 2533

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 8 – Holding Pattern**

"I should go."

Len looks away from the small TV in his bedroom and focuses on Barry, who sits next to him with a contemplative expression on his face. Too thoughtful of a look for Saturday morning cartoons. "Hmm?"

"I should go," Barry repeats, looking at him. "I've been here for two days straight. I should probably go home and shower and… stuff."

Len frowns. "You can shower here. You've done it before."

"I know, but no offense to your wardrobe, but I'm out of clean clothes here."

Over the course of their time together, Barry's pile of clothing here has been steadily growing. He's close to getting his own drawer in Len's dresser. Who is Len kidding? Barry already has his own drawer, even if it's not filled with his clothes yet.

"I need to check on Iris and the others anyway," Barry says.

"I'll go with you."

The words are out before he can stop himself. For a moment, the two simply stare at each other, until Barry smiles slowly.

"I'll be fine. I'm pretty sure I can make it home without vanishing."

It's too soon for jokes.

Len's expression flattens. He can't see himself, but he can see how Barry reacts, and that's more than enough to tell him what's happened. His jaw clenches, the muscles aching as he grits his teeth to keep from saying something.

"Len," Barry says softly. "You know I'm not going to just disappear again, right?"

"I know," Len says, because he does. The odds of Barry vanishing into another black hole are slim to none.

Barry sighs and shakes his head. "Alright, well – I'll be back later, okay? I'll call you."

He looks at Len a moment longer before he crawls out of bed and begins shoving his shoes on. Len watches him for a moment, a lump in his throat and a knot in his stomach, but if Barry wants to leave, who is Len to stop him?

He's fine with it until Barry actually walks toward the door, casually tossing a quick, "Bye, Len," over his shoulder.

There are different types of panic, and he's not sure which type he's feeling. All he knows is he blinks and the next second he's snagging Barry's arm and yanking him away from the door, turning the brunette so he can shove the kid's back into the wall and trap him there. A low growl emits from his throat as his mouth seals over Barry's. Barry flails for a second, confused, before he readily gives into the kiss and curls his fingers into the front of Len's shirt, pulling him closer.

The kiss breaks, and Barry smiles sheepishly at him.

"What was that for?" the kid asks.

Len takes in a slow breath, unable to find the words to explain what happened, or what he was feeling. He only knew what he wanted right now. "Stay with me."

Barry's eyes widen briefly, before he's smiling again. "Sure, Len," he says softly, voice a mere breath of air dancing over Len's skin, their faces still so close. "I'll stay. You only needed to ask."

Len nods, swallowing thickly. His fingers uncurl from the fabric of Barry's T-shirt and he allows the speedster to move away from the wall. Barry does so, watching him all the while.

"Everything okay, Len?"

 _No,_ he wants to say. _I think I'm losing my mind and I blame you._

Instead he smiles and says, "Yes, everything's fine."

Barry looks skeptical.

Sometimes the kid is too smart.

"You said something about a shower," Len says. "So let's do that."

Barry smiles slowly, and leads the way into the bathroom.

xXx

When Barry does leave, Len goes with him. He doesn't plan on it, it just happens.

Barry's antsy, twitching like he's highly caffeinated even though Len knows for a fact the kid only had two cups of coffee, which does nothing to his speedy system. Len asks about it, but Barry sidesteps the question and they eat breakfast.

Afterward, Len offers to drive him to STAR Labs. Barry agrees.

The kid's arms loop around him from behind as they ride on Len's motorcycle. The kid's face buries between his shoulder blades, and despite the vibrations of the motorcycle's engine, he can feel the shuddering breath which escapes the speedster.

Something is wrong, he's just not sure what. Hopefully STAR Labs can help.

When they get to STAR Labs, though, the lights are off and no one is there. They enter anyway. Half the building is in ruins, but it's more the 'meta-human prison' side than anything, and they stay clear of that side. Barry walks through the hallways timidly – it's the only way Len can explain the way he's practically shrunk in on himself, like he expects a shadow to jump out at them any moment now.

"You should call Caitlin and Cisco," Len says.

He just thought they'd already be here; they always have been before.

"No," Barry says.

He doesn't elaborate, even when Len quirks a brow at him, but the kid's not looking at him. He's looking at the walls.

Len sighs heavily. How is he supposed to help the kid when his mind's not all there itself? It's slowly coming back together, the ice blocks dislodging, but these things take time. A terrible part of him had grown used to being alone; suddenly having Barry back is as staggering as it was to lose him in the first place.

But Len's all for having him back.

That doesn't mean Barry is… _Barry_ , though.

Of course it's Barry, but at the same time, he's acting differently. Their time apart might have been shorter for the kid, but he was still affected by it, it seems. And Len's not sure how to make things right. He's a criminal; he breaks things. He doesn't fix them.

That's the hero's job.

So what do you do when the hero's broken?

Who fixes the heroes?

They get to the main room of STAR Labs. Len doesn't know if it's actually the main room, but it's where Team Flash seems to spend the majority of their time, so that's what he calls it. It's got the computers and a small testing area adjacent to it. There's also the treadmill, which Barry explained to him once.

Barry heads straight for the treadmill.

Len follows after him.

Barry flips a switch on the wall and the lights come on. The kid shivers.

"Cold?" Len asks, because it's actually room-temperature in here, not cold or hot or anything. It feels nice.

The kid's quiet for a moment. "Just remembering."

"Remembering what?"

"All the lies," Barry says softly.

"What lies?" Len asks, confused.

"Wells. Or, whatever he calls himself. Called himself."

Len nods. Wells was a big part of Barry's life for so long; and to suddenly have that man betray him and turn out to be the speedster who killed his mom… Yeah, that would tear anyone apart, even a hero. Heroes are human too, after all.

"He trained me, and saved my life so many times," Barry says in this distant voice, like he's seeing the treadmill but yet not seeing it at all.

Len knows that feeling.

"And in the end, it didn't matter," Barry continues just as absently. "It was all a game to him. He never cared about me."

And that's the problem. Barry looked up to Wells, idolized the man so much Len once joked that he might be competition. Now, with the truth revealed, it's left Barry questioning whether Wells actually cared about _him_ or just his speed.

Len doesn't know the answer. It's beyond him.

He hasn't initiated a hug since he was a teenager, and Lisa needed comforting.

Now he takes the two steps to Barry's side and wraps his arms around the kid. Barry doesn't even fight him in the slightest, easily slipping into his hold and leaning into him like Len is the epitome of comfort. There's a lot of trust there, and he's not sure what to do with it. Only one person has ever trusted him enough to comfort them, and that's Lisa. And usually it's her comforting him, not the other way around… not since they were kids.

So he's more than a little out of his element, but he tries, because that's what you do when your boyfriend finds out a big part of his life was a lie.

Barry takes in a shuddering breath. "I need to run."

"Hmm?"

The kid has a pointy nose, jammed into his collarbone. "I need to run," Barry repeats, and Len stiffens. "No, I'm not going anywhere. I meant the treadmill." A pause. "Will you… Will you watch me?"

Len doesn't plan on going anywhere, so of course he will, even if it seems like a bit of an odd request.

Barry explains as the two part. "If I stay still for too long I get antsy, as I'm sure you've noticed. I need to burn off energy."

Len nods, as it makes sense. And the kid hasn't _run_ since he's been back, except to dart across a room briefly, and he's been back for nearly five days. He must have a lot of pent-up energy.

"But… Okay, this is silly, but I'm _afraid_ ," Barry admits, looking back at the ground.

Len frowns. "Afraid of what?"

Wells is gone, after all.

"What if I run too fast? Will I… go back in time again?"

Len stiffens, because that's certainly not something he thought about until now. He's not sure how the whole time travel works; is that how it happens? Barry's just running and then he just vanished into time? It's an unsettling thought.

"It's stupid," Barry says. "Sorry."

"It's not," Len says, and leaves it at that.

Barry lifts his gaze and smiles briefly. "So you'll watch me?"

"I'll watch you."

Barry's smile grows and he gives Len a quick peck on the lips. "Thanks."

Then he's across the room and turning on the treadmill, practically thrumming with energy. Len keeps a careful eye on the kid as he steps onto the treadmill and starts walking, then jogging.

Then he becomes a blur.

xXx

Len wakes that night to Barry moving in bed – a normal enough action, except Len's arms instinctively tighten around the speedster, hindering his movements. Barry settles against him, still sound asleep, never trying to move away in the first place. Len sighs and closes his eyes.

He needs to get a grip on whatever it is he's feeling.

He can't really describe it, but it's noticeable, and if Barry asks him about it, he's not sure how to answer.

" _Talk to him."_ Lisa's words echo through his head.

A part of him knows he needs to talk to Barry. He needs to get everything off his chest because it's weighing him down, secretly like this. But Barry has his own problems right now; he doesn't need Len's worry for him on top of everything. It would just make him feel more guilty.

The two need to talk, this is true, but for now it can wait.

Len closes his eyes, and drifts back to sleep soon enough.

xXx

On the sixth day of Barry's return, Barry goes home.

Len lets him, but it's a struggle.

He drives Barry to the Wests' house, hating the fact the kid still lives there. Joe West is waiting for him on the porch and gives Len a look he can't quite decipher.

Barry waves goodbye but the words are different.

"See you later, Len."

And then he goes inside, and Len sits there for a minute longer.

xXx

"Where's your shadow?" Lisa asks later that day.

"What do you mean?" Len grunts from where he sits alone on the couch, watching the flatscreen TV.

"Oh, please, you know what I mean. Your cute little, vibrating shadow. Where is he?" Lisa asks, joining him on the couch. "And you're watching daytime TV. Now I know something's wrong."

Len scowls but keeps his gaze focused on the TV. "He went home," he says nonchalantly.

"And you let him?"

"Why wouldn't I? He lives there."

Lisa sighs dramatically. "Lenny, I love you, but sometimes you're incredibly dense."

He sighs, too. It doesn't seem like ignoring her is an option. "How am I dense this time?"

"His clothes might be there, but he doesn't live there," Lisa says simply.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She laughs and shakes her head. "Where has he been the past week? Here? That's right, here. Where's his toothbrush? That's right, _here_. And his favorite pillow? Here. His favorite shoes? Probably on his feet, but where are they usually? Here."

"That doesn't mean anything," Len tells her, because the location of Barry's toothbrush means nothing.

"Boys. I hope Cisco isn't as dense as the two of you," Lisa mutters, shaking her head as she gets to her feet. "Alright, sit here alone on the couch being all glum. _I'm_ going to meet the family."

Len frowns. "What family?"

She can't mean their family. All they have is their father, and only mentioned by blood.

"My new brother-in-law's family," she says simply, and smiles before she turns on her heel and walks away.

It takes a second to realize what she's saying.

Len scowls and gets to his feet, following after her.

xXx

Iris is all too happy to go out to eat with them, after they show up unannounced at her apartment. She says the apartment is empty and lonely and cold; Len understands that feeling a little too well, and he tries to stay away from that line of discussion.

Iris and Lisa get along well enough, and he's not sure if that's a good thing or a terrifying thing. The thought of them as friends is nice, and better than if they hated each other, but then again, them as _friends_ means twice the gossiping, twice the teasing, twice the talking that girls do…

So he's torn about how he feels about them being friends.

Right now they're talking about cute boys around town. Girl talk, they said.

Len groans. "Why did you make me come?" he mutters.

"I didn't," Lisa says. "You followed after I mentioned my future brother-in-law."

Iris looks at Len. "Barry?"

Len scowls.

"You proposed?" Iris asks, already looking giddy despite a glimmer of sadness in her gaze, and Len wonders what that's about. "Oh, that's great!"

"What? No, I-" Len starts, eyes widening.

"It is great, isn't it?" Lisa cuts in with a smile. "They are so adorable. You should see them sitting together on the couch. It's cavity level sweetness."

Iris giggles. "They are cute," she says. "I saw them at breakfast. I mean, my dad was kind of interrogating them… but they were still cute."

Len sighs and shakes his head.

"And I can't wait to have a vibrating brother-in-law," Lisa says, and Iris gasps.

"Barry _vibrates_?"

Len gets to his feet. "I think you two are okay on your own, I'll just… be somewhere else. Anywhere else."

As he walks away, he hears Lisa telling Iris all about Barry's 'vibrations'.


	9. Chapter 9: Talking

**A/N:** Thanks again for all the support, guys :) I'm feeling better now, so that's something at least. My head still hurts but nothing like it was. As it is I'm about to crash, but I'm off for two nights, so that's good, I guess ;) I have conflicting ideas for this story, about the length and everything. Ugh. Why must things be so complicated. Anyway - we'll see how it goes. If it goes on much longer I'll have to change the summary of the story xD

Keep up the reviews, they're what keeps me motivated to continue! :D

Chapter length: 2701

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 9 – Talking**

"Leonard Snart," is what Len hears from outside his bedroom, "when the _hell_ were you going to tell me we were _engaged_?"

Len's eyes widen even as he scrambles to his feet. The door to his room is already opening and in walks Barry, scowling at him. Len stops where he stands, halfway between here and there, and stares at the brunette, uncertain if he's angry or shocked or both. Probably both. Len would be both.

"I mean – that's kind of something the fiancé should _know_ ," Barry continues, waving his hands dramatically, pacing quickly like he can't stand still, and it _has_ been a few days since his run at the labs. "I had to find out from Iris _gushing_ at me about how _adorably sweet_ we are together and that she and Lisa are planning the wedding! We are _apparently_ getting married in December – because why? Because it's _cold_ then!"

Len can't stifle the snort, and Barry glares at him. "Uh – you told her it wasn't true, right? That we're not engaged?"

Barry's face scrunches in another scowl. "And break her little heart right after she lost Eddie? After he _proposed_ to her and she lost him? No! I didn't tell her it was a lie."

Len winces. So that's why she looked a little sad despite her enthusiasm; her boyfriend proposed, and then died, and it's only been a few weeks – nearly a month – since then. Of course she would be upset even if she was happy for her friend.

And Len can understand how Barry didn't want to rain on her parade, so to speak. But that means-

"So we're getting married in December?" Len asks dumbly, which really isn't like him, and he'll blame it on the fact he's a bit out of his element here, and Barry came over like a bat out of hell and startled him. Even though he's not easily startled.

Barry stares at him, mouth agape for a minute, before he blushes. "I didn't think of it like that," he says under his breath, before he shakes his head. "Don't worry, I'll set her straight tomorrow."

Len nods, even as a part of him wants to say, 'Don't bother.'

He's not sure where that part comes from, but it's there all the same. Gay marriage is legal now; so what's the problem? Oh, right. He didn't actually propose.

He's never thought about it before.

"Anyway, I'll just – be going," Barry says, edging toward the door somewhat awkwardly. "I didn't realize – sorry. Sorry. Bye, Len."

Len sighs and moves forward, grabbing the kid's wrist. Barry's eyes slide up to his face, calculating. Behind those Bambi-eyes is an intelligent mind, one Len finds he rather enjoys. He smiles.

"We're engaged, for today," he says simply. "I don't recall getting any celebratory drinks, do you?"

Barry smiles slowly. "You're absolutely right."

"And that's just wrong," Len continues. "And you don't even have a ring. We'll have to remedy that."

Barry laughs. "What, are you going to steal me one?"

Len remains silent.

Barry stops laughing. "What? No. Don't do that," he says quickly, even though he's redder than a tomato.

"Drinks, Scarlet," Len says with a smile, keeping his fingers tight around the speedster's wrist as he leads the way out of the room.

Barry trails behind him like a little puppy.

They enter the small kitchen and Len opens the fridge, pulling out what little stock of alcohol he has, which is fairly pathetic.

"We'll get proper drinks tonight," Len says, smirking at Barry, who shrugs with a sheepish smile.

"You know that doesn't do anything to me, right?"

"Semantics."

Barry laughs, and Len pours two glasses of red wine, since Lisa loves red wine. He'll have to buy more for her because she's going to be pissed that they drank it and she wasn't invited, but this is her fault to begin with.

They sit at the table like a normal, civilized couple, and sip their wine.

"Some steak would be nice," Barry comments.

Len smirks. "We have no proper food here."

"I can grocery shop in like five seconds," Barry offers.

Len scowls. "If we're shopping, we're doing it the right way, Scarlet. Finish your wine. We have steaks to buy."

Barry laughs again. It really is a pleasant sound.

"What – how dare you!" Lisa says from the doorway, startling them. Len certainly didn't hear her come in. He thought she was out with Iris or something. Now they both look at her, Barry a little more guiltily than Len.

"Your fault," Len says simply, taking a large sip of his wine and making a point that she sees it. He's not the biggest red wine fan, but he certain hums in appreciation so she knows what she's missing.

Lisa glares at him. "And after I planned your wedding and everything!"

Barry nearly chokes on his drink. "W-We're not having a wedding," he says quickly, staring at her.

Lisa sticks out her lower lip in her version of a pout, which is really quite effective. "You're engaged, of course you are."

"We're not," Barry says weakly, looking toward Len for help.

Len shrugs.

Lisa laughs. "Alright, boys, it's time for you two to _talk_."

Len scowls.

"Talk?" Barry repeats slowly, like it's a foreign word. Len can feel the kid's eyes on him but he keeps his own gaze focused on glaring at his sister, who really does look a little too smug.

"Lenny isn't the best with words, so I decided to help him," Lisa says. "He was a bit of a stick in the mud while you were in your time-traveling vortex of doom." Len sends her a warning look; she ignores it, as always. "He missed you. And you're getting married in December. Buy decent tuxes, would you? Unless Barry wants to wear a dress, which I'm totally okay with."

Barry stammers something incoherent, and Lisa laughs as she leaves the room.

xXx

Neither of them talk.

Instead they go to the grocery store, because Barry still wants steaks, and Len did promise to grill for him at some point. Len knows Lisa is only trying to help, but really she just made things a bit awkward between him and Barry, and things have never been awkward between them. Even on opposite sides of the law, they still got along well and didn't really have awkward moments.

They're in the pizza aisle when Barry finally decides to talk.

"So… you missed me?" he asks quietly.

Len sighs, shoving a few pizzas into the cart. "Yeah, kid, I missed you."

There's no point in lying about it, or denying it.

He missed him.

"But I was only gone for-" Barry stops. "Oh. Right. Yeah, two weeks."

"Two weeks is a long time," Len says.

 _Two weeks is even longer when you're not sure if the person is alive._

Barry rubs at the back of his neck as they continue down the aisle. "It's still hard to get used to… even after a week."

Len nods. He can only imagine how Barry must feel.

"But you don't have that problem," Barry sighs, scrubbing a hand across his face, a move Len's all too familiar with after the kid was missing for weeks.

"It's still hard to get used to," Len says quietly, and the kid looks at him, green eyes wide and open and inquisitive. Len bites his lower lip to keep from saying what's on his mind; now isn't the time, not in the middle of the store. "I'll explain later. Right now, we need to pick out our steaks."

Barry nods slowly, and the two keep walking through the store.

About five minutes later, the kid's phone rings.

He hangs up after a moment and looks at Len, and Len knows what he's going to say. The knot in his stomach tightens anyway as he looks at their half-full cart of groceries, like a normal couple.

But they're not normal, because he's Captain Cold and Barry's the Flash.

"Duty calls," Barry sighs.

"Flash business?" Len asks.

Barry nods glumly. "I'll pay you back for the food," he says.

Len shakes his head. "I've got it."

He's a criminal, after all; he can afford groceries.

Barry nods again. "Thanks, Len. I'll just… I'll…"

Len sighs heavily. Barry's bolted out on him before because of Flash business, but right it just seems wrong. "Go," he says anyway, because Barry's a hero and that's what heroes do – they put others before themselves, and if they're calling for Barry's help then they must need him. "I'll finish shopping and we can have dinner tonight, if you want."

Barry has a nice, soft smile which reminds Len of summer. "Yeah, that sounds nice. Bye, Len."

Len opens his mouth to say _something_ , though he's not sure what, but before he can do anything, Barry's kissed his cheek goodbye and then he's gone in a flash. The grocery store is mostly empty, especially the aisle they're in, so it's not like he'll be caught.

Len stares at where the kid previously stood, and remembers the quick touch of warm lips to his cheek.

xXx

Len waits for Barry to call or something, to let him know when to fix dinner, but the kid never does. As the hours pass he becomes more uneasy, and he hates that. He hates feeling this way, but he's not sure how to make it stop.

Lisa and Mick have left him alone for the night, for which he's grateful. When Barry gets back they're going to have a nice meal and discuss things, because that's what needs to happen. They need to talk, even if Len's not very good with words, like Lisa said.

But he'll do it, because it seems like Barry needs to hear the words. The kid's on edge, too.

He needs to run, which brings him to another worry – what if he runs too fast and vanishes into time again? He watched the kid run on the treadmill, but right now Barry's out there in full Flash mode, which he hasn't been in since his return, since the Singularity. And Len's not there, and _that_ is what's bothering him.

He's not there, and Barry hasn't called.

It's been hours.

When the clock hits eight at night, he dials Barry's number.

Cisco answers.

"Barry's not here right now," Cisco explains.

"Where is he?" Len asks before he can stop himself.

"Uh – fighting a meta-human?"

"Is he okay?" he asks a little more calmly.

"He's doing fine so far," Cisco tells him. "Wait – he just captured the meta. He'll be back any – oh, hey, Barry. Len wants to talk to you."

There's a breath, and then Barry's speaking to him. "Hey, Len, sorry I'm so late."

All the tense muscles in Len's body relax. "It's fine, Scarlet. I was just wondering if you still wanted steak."

"Yeah, sounds great, I'll be there in a flash," Barry says, grin evident in his voice.

Len smiles, that tightness in his chest unclenching.

xXx

Barry arrives ten minutes later; Len's warming up the grill and has the steaks ready to go when the kid breezes onto the patio. The place is lit with soft lighting, not Len's idea but Lisa likes it out here at night so she made the place look nice, and he can't say he's complaining right now. It's adequate lighting for grilling, but not too much to draw attention to them. If it seems a little romantic, he won't argue.

He did once get called 'captain of romantic gestures' by Barry, after all.

He smiles faintly, remembering.

"Hey, kid," he says, turning to face Barry, who's looking around with a grin.

"Romantic, again?" the kid asks, looking at him. He's changed out of his Flash outfit and is instead in a STAR Labs sweatshirt and blue jeans. "Keep this up and I'm going to start thinking you're a nice guy."

"I can be nice," Len says with a smirk. "I can be very nice."

"Can you?" Barry challenges, and ah, there's that spark Len loves in his eyes.

Len steps toward the kid. Barry stands his ground. "Of course I can. I can be downright _pleasant_."

Barry laughs. "Prove it."

And Len pushes the kid against the wall, claiming his mouth with his own. Barry's fingers are on the front of his shirt, holding them together, but Len has no plans on leaving. He places his hands on either side of the kid's head, palms flat against the wall, trapping him there. He can't disappear if he's trapped.

The kiss breaks only when oxygen becomes an issue, but screw oxygen. Len's prepared to keep going until Barry clears his throat and looks over his shoulder. Len sighs and glances back at the grill, which is ready to go now. He looks back at the kid.

"Don't move," he says.

Barry smiles, and Len heads toward the grill. He puts the steaks on and then returns to standing in front of the speedster.

"Where were we, Scarlet?"

Barry grins.

"Oh, right, I remember," Len says as he leans back in for another kiss.

He wants more. He wants everything. Everything Barry is willing to give him, but tonight is for talking, not _strenuous activity_. So he reluctantly pulls away after another minute of kissing, and the two sit at the small table on the patio, lit by candles.

Barry's watching him with this goofy look on his face. Len likes that look.

A lot.

"I missed you, Scarlet," Len says.

Barry blinks at him, and then nods. "Oh. Right. You said you'd explain, or whatever. Okay, yeah, talking. I talk all the time, this should be easy, right? So, um…"

He's cute when he rambles.

"You were gone for two weeks," Len says, and Lisa would be so proud of him for talking things out, but she's not here and she will never hear a word of this conversation. "I was a mess, kid."

"A… A mess?" Barry repeats, disbelieving.

"I watched my boyfriend disappear into a black hole," Len tells him, and a shiver crawls through him as he remembers that particular image. "I wasn't prepared to miss you so much, Scarlet. You ruined me."

Barry stares at him, but stays silent.

Len takes in a breath, trying to find the words, but talking has never been his strong suit. That's more Lisa's thing.

"I know I've been acting a little odd lately."

Barry nods. "You've been kind of… attached, which is great, but, I mean, it's not really like you."

Len nods, sighing again. "I know you won't disappear the minute you leave my sight – I do know that." _I think._ "But the mind can be irrational when it comes to someone you love."

Barry sucks in a sharp breath, stiffening, and Len watches him, wondering if he said the right thing. Barry did say he loved him, once; it was in a message, but he said it nevertheless.

He also immediately said goodbye.

Len gets to his feet, turning away from Barry to focus on the steaks momentarily. He flips them, checking them over, but they're grilling nicely. After a moment he returns to his seat, and Barry is watching him carefully.

"Speak, kid," Len says, because the silence is getting to him.

"You love me?" Barry asks quietly, like he can't believe it.

Len scowls. "You don't have to sound so shocked, Scarlet. I know I'm lousy with words, but I like to think I can be romantic at least sometimes. Yes, Barry – I love you."

 _I love you._

It's the first time he's said the words aloud, and it's oddly freeing. A weight is lifted off his chest, especially when he sees the way Barry's eyes brighten and the that smile slides across the kid's face, threatening to break it. Which would be sad, really, because he has such a pretty face. Len's quite fond of it.

"I love you, too, Len," Barry says quickly, happily, and he's thrumming with energy again.

Len sits back in his chair, satisfied.

Maybe he's okay at this whole 'talking' thing after all.


	10. Chapter 10: Home

**A/N:** Wow, guys. Thanks for the reviews and favorites and follows and everything! You guys are awesome :D

This chapter came out rather quickly. That's good for you guys, I guess ;) I just sat down to write it an hour ago.

I think the story's winding down, but we'll see how it goes. I wasn't planning on this chapter - but I say that like I actually have plans. What I should say it wasn't part of the 'vague storyline' in my head. There, that's a bit better. Anyway, so we're in uncharted territory, kind of, so there's that xD

Enjoy!

Chapter length: 2802

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 10 – Home**

Barry leaves the next day, but his day job calls and it's time for him to return to his work as Barry Allen, CSI extraordinaire. Len kisses him goodbye and the kid disappears in a flash. One of these days it won't make his stomach clench.

While he's gone, Len stays at the safe house and thinks. If Barry's going to be staying here so much, he's going to have to change some things around the house. First of all, they're going to need a bigger refrigerator to hold all the food, and a better stove would be nice, too. A bigger bedroom so Barry can move his things in – who knows how much the kid has? They only fooled around in Joe West's house a couple of times, and Len was otherwise preoccupied; he didn't snoop.

The more he thinks about it – and the upcoming December wedding which Barry still hasn't told Iris isn't happening – the more he _wants_ , and when he wants something, he usually gets it. Except for that one elusive thing he's wanted for a while – a normal life.

Len's a criminal, and he's very good at what he does. He loves the thrill that comes with a heist, with counting the seconds, but ever since Barry vanished into the 'time-traveling vortex of doom', none of that has really mattered. He's found something else that gives him a rush, and that's something he's secretly desired for a while now, but never thought possible.

A normal life.

With a white-picket fence and everything.

And Barry.

Barry is a very vital part of that little dream.

And while he's thinking of upgrading the safe house, he thinks about moving somewhere with Barry. And when he thinks of moving somewhere with Barry, he thinks of a white-picket fence and a house shared by Captain Cold and the Flash. He thinks of family, and safety, and _home_.

It's been a long time since he's thought of home.

Now he _wants_.

xXx

He spends the day planning. He's always been good at that.

Leonard Snart's records have been erased from the crime database thanks to Barry, but that doesn't mean it's going to be easy to get anywhere with his name.

That'll have to change.

xXx

Barry calls around five in the afternoon, when he should be getting off work.

"We got a case," Barry says somewhat glumly. "I won't be back tonight. Sorry, Len."

Len sighs. "It's fine, Barry. I'm doing a little side project, anyway."

Barry's quiet for a moment. "Crime?"

"It's a surprise."

Barry laughs. "Does the Flash need to know?"

"The Flash can stay home tonight," Len tells him with a smile.

"Alright, then. Love you."

Len closes his eyes. "Love you, too, kid. Catch the bad guy."

"I'll try to. Bye, Len."

"… Bye, Barry."

xXx

Barry is only gone two nights. Well, one and a half nights.

Len wakes from his restless sleep to the bed shifting, and then there's warmth pressed against his side. He instinctively wraps an arm around the warm body, pulling it closer, his own body relaxing from a tense state he hadn't even known it was in. Barry breathes out a contented sigh and Len smiles in the darkness.

"Sorry," Barry says softly. "Joe was suffocating me. But I couldn't sleep."

"Me neither," Len says, his voice just as soft and quiet.

The two shift so they're a little more comfortable. Barry's leg slides between both of Len's, sandwiched between them. The kid likes to burrow.

"Did you catch the bad guy?" he asks, eyelids heavy.

Barry yawns, the two now sharing a pillow. "Yeah, we caught them."

"Good…" Len murmurs, eyes falling shut, sleep well on the way to claiming him.

Barry's laugh is breathy and warm. "Sleep, Len."

And he does.

xXx

Len wakes to knocking at the front door, and it seems like no one is going to answer it. Barry buries his head under his pillow, burrowing further into Len and the covers, and Len smiles even as he sighs and looks around the room. It's midday, according to the sun seeping through the windows; they've slept a long time.

The knocking continues, growing more impatient, and Len knows they won't just give up. He does wonder who is knocking, though, because no one knows where he lives except Barry, Mick and Lisa, and Lisa lives here. Mick wouldn't bother knocking.

Suddenly uneasy, he climbs out of bed, making sure Barry is still warm and safe and asleep. He slips from the room, grabbing his cold gun on his way out, clad only in gray sweatpants and no shirt. He doesn't need the outfit to be Captain Cold.

He opens the door, hiding the gun behind it momentarily, and then stares at Iris.

She looks so happy, but also irritated. "About time you answered, loverboy," she says as she sashays into the house without being invited. Len drops the gun and runs a hand across his face as he kicks the door shut.

"Yes, Iris, please come in," he says sarcastically.

"Thanks! Nice place you have here. Very secretive."

"How do you know where I live?" Len asks.

She grins. "Let's just say a golden birdie told me."

"Lisa," Len growls. He's going to kill her.

"So where's your other half?"

Len blinks. "My what?"

Iris rolls her eyes. "Barry Allen? The Flash? Your fiancé? Any of this ringing any bells?"

 _Fiancé_. Right.

"About that…" he starts, but then she's looking at him all happily and he can't do it. A part of him doesn't want to do it. He shakes his head. "I'll wake him."

He leaves the living room and enters his bedroom. The kid is still sound asleep, sprawled across the bed like he owns the place. Len smiles, and steps toward the bed, sitting lightly on the edge. His fingers trail across the kid's back.

"Wake up, Scarlet, we've got company. Kid. Hey."

Waking Barry is never easy.

Green eyes finally blink open. "Wha…?" the kid asks, blinking up at him, snuggling his pillow a little more. The image is rather adorable.

 _Damn him and his Bambi-eyes._

"Company," Len repeats, smiling at him. "Iris is here."

"Iris is…?" Comprehension dawns on his face, his eyes widening. "Iris is _here_? How does she _know_ …?"

"Lisa," Len says simply, and Barry groans. "And we're still engaged."

Barry swallows. "Right. Um. I'll just set her straight, then."

He sits up, stretching. Len watches him for a moment, before his mouth opens without his permission. "Don't."

Barry looks back at him so quickly he's surprised the kid doesn't have whiplash. "Don't?" he repeats. "Don't what?"

It's too late to take the word back, so Len takes in a slow breath, choosing his next words carefully. "Don't set her straight. There are worse things than being engaged to the Flash."

Barry stares at him, uncomprehending for a long time. "You…?"

"December's not such a bad month to get married, Scarlet."

The kid's mouth falls open. "Is this you _proposing_ to me?"

"According to the others, I already have," Len says. "What do you say, kid?"

"That's a terrible proposal," Barry complains, but his face is red and he's smiling, and all Len's tense muscles relax. "But sure, Len – there are worse things than being engaged to Captain Cold."

And then the kid's in his lap, and they're kissing.

A minute later they enter the living room and Iris is tapping her foot, glaring at them, arms folded across her chest.

"What took you so long? Wait! I don't want to know, do I?"

Barry reddens, and Iris laughs.

"Barry Allen," she chides, shaking her head. "Were you in there vibrating?"

And the kid blanches, shooting Len a panicked look. "She _knows_?"

"Lisa has a big mouth," is all Len says on the matter.

"W-What are you doing here, Iris?" Barry asks, opting for a change of subject.

Iris giggles. "You're so easy, Barry. Anyway, I'm here so we can get celebratory drinks, silly! You've been busy the past few days so we never got the chance, but Lisa said you and Len had steaks and wine. In a _romantic_ setting, no less."

Lisa really does have a big mouth.

"Uh, r-right," Barry says, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck.

"Dress first," Iris says.

And it's then both Barry and Len seem to realize they're both just clad in sweatpants and nothing else. Barry vanishes in a flash and reappears a moment later, dressed in a button-down red shirt and dark blue jeans. Len sighs and walks out of the room like a normal person, and reappears a few minutes later dressed in a plain gray T-shirt and blue jeans.

Iris looks them over appraisingly. "You both look good."

"Where are we going?" Barry asks.

"You'll see," is all Iris says, digging around in her purse. "Put these on when we get to the car."

Len stares at the two blindfolds. "I don't really do the whole 'blindfold' thing."

"Me neither," Barry says, though he accepts the offered blindfold. Meanwhile Len's is still being held out.

Iris looks at him expectantly. "Just trust me, you idiots."

Len sighs. She can be just as stubborn as Lisa. It's a scary thought.

He accepts the blindfold, and follows Iris and Barry out of the house.

xXx

Len's a criminal, so it would be so easy to cheat and peak through the blindfold, but he distracts himself by holding Barry's hand in the backseat. Barry makes odd little patterns across the top of Len's hand and Len attempts to guess what it is. The ride is ten minutes and a handful of seconds.

Finally, the stop.

"Keep the blindfolds on," Iris says. "I'll take Barry's hand, and you keep holding hands, and we'll all get in with no problem."

"This is stupid," Len says.

"Shut it, you," Iris says.

"Better to just do as she says," Barry points out.

Len sighs, but does just that.

He nearly trips over the kid a few times, but thankfully they remain standing all the way inside wherever it is they're going. It seems familiar, and Barry's calm, so he's not worried.

After a few minutes of walking, they come to a stop.

"Okay, blindfolds off."

Len removes his and is greeted with-

"SURPRISE!"

The main area of STAR Labs is decorated with banners and confetti and alcohol. An entire table of alcohol, and food, and cake. Definitely cake.

Lisa steps forward from the center of the group which consists of Iris, Cisco, Caitlin, Ronnie, Professor Stein, and Mick. _Mick_ is here.

And he's smiling.

"Oh my God," Barry says breathlessly. "You guys did all of this?"

Len looks again at the banners.

'Happy Engagement', one of them reads.

'Congratulations', another says.

"Of course we did, silly," Iris says, punching Barry in the shoulder. "It's not every day the Flash gets engaged to Captain Cold."

" _And_ I improved the formula," Caitlin says, holding out a bottle of what looks like some kind of vodka, clear liquid and all, "so you should be able to stay buzzed a little longer."

Barry laughs. "Thanks, guys. You really didn't have to do all of this."

"You're our friend," Cisco says. "It's what friends do."

"You were at my wedding," Caitlin says, holding hands with Ronnie now. "I know we didn't have a big party or anything, but you were still there, and it was all sudden. We wanted to do something for you, too."

"Eddie and I never got to have a party," Iris says quietly, and Barry turns to face her. She offers a sad smile. "But you deserve it, Bear."

The kid's hold on Len's hand tightens, and it's only then Len realizes they are indeed still holding hands. "Iris… I'm so sorry…"

"It's okay, Barry," Iris says. "You two deserve to be happy."

Barry opens his mouth to say something more, but Iris shakes her head, holding a finger up to his lips, silencing him.

"No, Barry, today is for happiness," she says simply. "Make it last, because tomorrow I'm telling Dad all about your little engagement."

Barry blanches again.

Len winces; the kid has a hell of a grip.

"Oh, God," Barry says. "He's gonna kill me."

"For not telling him? Yep," Iris says, smiling. "But he'll get over it."

"I don't know…"

"He's going to be pissed he missed the party, though," Cisco says, approaching them. "And speaking of the party, let's get it started!"

There's a cheer from everyone, and music starts playing.

Iris and Lisa wander off, talking about boys, and Lisa keeps giving Cisco little looks.

Len looks back at Barry, who has this goofy smile on his face.

"December?" he asks, mostly to clarify.

Green eyes focus on him.

"December," the kid agrees with a wide smile.

xXx

Barry doesn't get _drunk_ , but he does get a little tipsy, for about thirty minutes.

It's amusing to see, mostly because Len's never seen him like this.

Barry is an affectionate drunk. Or tipsy person. Whatever.

He's affectionate, and he's making it increasingly hard to focus when he's hugging _everyone_.

Len's not a jealous person; he's a thief, but he doesn't envy what other people has. He is, however, _territorial_ , and what's his is _his_.

So when Barry says he loves Cisco for being an awesome friend, and hugs him a little too long, Len is well within his rights to grab his wrist and pull him away, throwing the tech genius a quick glare. Cisco holds his hands up harmlessly, eyes wide, before Lisa laughs from behind them.

And then Cisco and Lisa are talking, and they're sitting rather close.

Len keeps an eye on them, but mostly he's focused on Barry, who can't seem to stand still.

"Need to run," the kid says, practically bouncing on his feet.

Len sighs and leads the way toward the treadmill, which is thankfully behind a door, in a separate area, so at least there's a little privacy. The music is still loud, though. Len can feel it vibrating through the floor.

"Run with me?" Barry asks.

Len blinks. "I'm not a speedster, kid."

"Oh. Right," Barry says, and then pauses. "We could run normally?"

" _Can_ you run normally?"

The kid pouts.

"Just run, kid," Len says. "I'll watch you."

Barry nods, kisses his cheek, and then gets on the treadmill.

He walks, then jogs.

Then he becomes a blur.

xXx

The party dwindles down around eight that night. Professor Stein, Caitlin and Ronnie have already left; all that remains is Iris, Lisa, Cisco and Mick.

Barry's tired; he's practically draped over a table, sitting in a chair, half-asleep. Len is a bit drunk, but not terribly so; he would never get wasted in the presence of so many people. Lisa, on the other hand…

She's drunk, and she's all over Cisco.

Len's okay with that, surprisingly.

Cisco's a good kid.

And he's terrified of Len, so that's a plus.

Iris yawns and stretches. "Okay, I think I'm calling it a night. It's been fun." She looks at Len and Barry. "You should probably get him home."

"West will ask questions," Len says absently, looking at Barry.

Iris is quiet for a moment. "I meant your house, silly," she says, and Lisa laughs loudly from next to Cisco.

It's practically a guffaw.

"I told you they're both dense!"

"Shut it," Len says, before looking back at Iris. "Yeah, I'll take him… home."

He slips an arm around Barry's waist and lifts. Barry leans into him as they stand. "Where are we going?" the kid asks sleepily.

"Home," Len says.

" 'kay," Barry mumbles. "Sounds nice. Sleepy."

"I know you are, kid. You gotta help me walk, though."

Barry blinks at him. "Or…"

"Wait, no, Scarlet-"

Becoming a blur when one is not a speedster is very, very disorientating. It's akin to an intense state of vertigo and déjà vu. Len exhales loudly when they finally stop at the safe house. _Home_ , he tells himself.

Barry looks sheepish. "Sorry, Len."

Len shakes his head. "It's fine, Scarlet."

" 'm tired."

He's like a little kid.

Len smiles. "I know you are, kid. Alright, bedtime."

"Come with me?" Barry asks with his big green eyes.

Len chuckles faintly. Is that really even a question?

"Always," he says.

And then they crawl into bed together, and everything is perfect.

xXx

Like all good things, it must always come to an end.

There's knocking at the door the next morning.

Len crawls out of bed, feeling dizzy with a very slight hangover, and stumbles through the living room to answer it, expecting it to be Iris.

Joe West stands there, and he doesn't look happy.

And he's got a gun.

Yeah, definitely not happy.


	11. Chapter 11: Grounded

12 chapters. I don't know. Maybe 13. Who knows xD Ugh, so many conflicting ideas... I might just keep going with this, or put it in story 2 or something, I don't know. And I have some vague plans for a prequel one-shot, or a few one-shots, which would make this story part 2 or 3 or something, I don't know. Ugh. My head's still on fire and my boyfriend's taking a nap xD Don't ask me to think right now.

It'll be over when it's over. I don't know when that will be. Sigh. Enjoy!

PS: A slightly longer chapter, oh my!

Chapter length: 2920

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 11 – Grounded**

"You 'n me need to talk," Joe West said simply, gun level with Len's chest. "Is Barry here?"

Len nodded numbly, wishing he'd brought his cold gun or something, or woken Barry. Instead, Barry's sound asleep in bed with no idea his father figure is pointing a gun at his boyfriend.

"Is he sleeping?"

Another nod.

"Good. Step outside."

"If you're going to shoot me, I'd rather be inside," Len says.

West scowls at him. "I don't want to have to use this, Snart. Step outside."

Len sighs and does as he's told, still clad in his clothes from the night before, minus his shoes. At some point during the night he lost his left sock, apparently; he steps outside with a bare foot, and a socked foot. His toes curl self-consciously as West looks him over.

"Long night?" he asks.

"Something like that," Len replies. "What's this about, _detective_? I haven't committed any crimes lately, and all my records are gone."

"I still haven't forgiven you for that little stunt," West says sharply, and Len's mouth snaps shut. "But I'm not here as a detective – I'm here as a father."

Len smirks, unable to stop himself. "Iris told you about the engagement party."

"She told me my son is engaged to a criminal, yes," West says. "I am _not_ pleased, Snart."

Len shrugs; pleasing the detective is really very low on his to-do list. Barry occupies the first five slots. And then there's the matter of moving, and getting a ring, because he's getting _married_ in December.

It still hasn't quite sunken in yet.

Captain Cold, engaged to the Flash.

The concrete step beneath his bare foot tells him this isn't a dream.

"How did you manipulate him this time?" West asks.

And Len doesn't like that tone, or how he's insinuating Len has manipulated the kid _before_. "Manipulating people isn't really my thing," he says. "I'm a thief, not a psycho."

West's eyes narrow into thin, angry slits. A part of Len wishes Barry were here right now to diffuse this situation; the kid's going to have a field day when Len tells him about this moment right here. If he gets out of it, that is. If West doesn't shoot him for daring to date and plan to marry his son.

Marriage. It's still so foreign to him.

He can't blame his goosebumps on the warm air.

"What is your game here, Snart?"

"No game," Len says simply. "I know it's hard for you to believe, _detective_ , but I like Barry. I'm not using him. I have never once asked him to lie for me. I don't even tell him about my criminal activities, which, by the way, _you have no proof of_."

"Oh, I know you're not innocent," West says.

"What's _your_ game?" Len demands. "Holding a gun to an unarmed man early in the morning? I'm pretty sure that's _illegal_ , Detective."

"I just want to know what your plans are with _my kid_ ," West says.

Len shakes his head. "I plan to marry him in December." He takes in a slow breath, eying the man with the gun. His future father-in-law, of sorts, if he lives through today. "He'd really like it if you were there. If you gave him your blessing."

"I am not okay with this."

"Doesn't matter to _me_ whether you are or not, but Barry… He doesn't like fighting with you, but if you ask him to pick you over me, I'm sorry, but I'm not giving up without a fight."

For a long moment, the two are staring at each other, at an impasse. Len knows Detective West wants him to back down, to admit to using Barry and let him go, but that is something he will _not_ do.

He's not sure how long they stand there, staring each other down. Seconds, minutes, hours, he doesn't know. All he knows is eventually, the gun lowers and West sighs, defeated.

"Do you love him?" he asks.

"Yes," Len replies quietly, swallowing as the detective looks at him, looks for any hint he's lying. But he's going to be disappointed, because Len's not lying. In fact, he hates lying. "I love him… more than anything."

Which is more than he's ever admitted in the past.

"You'll do right by him?" West asks.

"I'll do my best," is all Len can promise.

West sighs, and he looks every bit the worried father. "Dinner, tonight at my place. I expect you both there. Tell Barry to come home for once."

 _He's already home,_ is what Len doesn't say.

Instead, he nods, and West leaves.

He can breathe again.

He enters the house and closes the door behind him, making sure to lock it just in case. After that he makes his way back into the bedroom and crawls back under the covers. Immediately, Barry's curling into him, reaching for him, and Len easily accepts the warm kid into his arms.

"Where'd you go?" Barry asks tiredly.

"Just stepped out for a minute," Len replies, kissing the top of the kid's head. "Go back to sleep, Scarlet."

"Mmm…" the kid mumbles, already falling back to sleep.

Len smiles and holds onto him, fairly certain he won't be able to get back to sleep himself.

Instead, he thinks, and he dreams with his eyes wide open.

xXx

" _Joe_ was here and you're just _now_ telling me?"

Len winces at the hurt tone of Barry's voice; that's the last thing he wanted.

"We just talked," Len says.

Barry throws him a glare. "That's a lie – you're lying to me. What happened? Did he threaten you? Answer me honestly, Len."

Len sighs. "There may or may not have been a gun."

Barry's eyes widen comically. At least, it would be funny if it happened to anyone else. Len reaches for the speedster but Barry's already moving away, ready to run out of the room, out of the house and vanish in a flash, and _no_.

That's not happening right now.

Len's fingers close around the kid's wrist in a tight grip.

"Len, let go," Barry says, attempting to pull his wrist free, but Len merely tightens his hold.

"You're not darting off on me right now," Len says. "Joe invited us over for dinner and it's going to be awkward as hell, but you can talk to him then. No running off to confront gun-wielding fathers alone."

Barry snorts. "It's not like he's gonna hurt me."

"Didn't ask if he would, did I?"

The kid sighs heavily. "I can't believe he came over and threatened you in broad daylight."

"People do crazy things for those they love," Len says quietly.

Barry smiles at him. "Oh? You'd do something crazy for me?"

Len takes in a breath. "For you, kid, I'd do anything."

And then their lips are sealed in a kiss.

xXx

Just after noon, Barry's called away to a crime scene, leaving Len alone at the safe house. Lisa has been out all night, probably with Cisco. A part of Len wants to argue on basic principle; he's the big brother and it's his job to disapprove of his little sister's boyfriends. But it's _Cisco_ , and the kid is hard to hate.

Plus, he's probably good for Lisa. Of all the people she's been interested in, he's probably the safest and nicest. Len can see the two of them together, and the image doesn't immediately fill him with a cold rage, so that's something, at least.

He and Barry are due at West's at six tonight. Len doesn't know how long Barry will be, so he has a light lunch and takes a shower. It's not like there's going to be any 'good impressions' with West, but he might as well clean up and shave and everything. He'd been growing a bit of stubble; now he shaves it all away, going back to the more clean-shaven look that he likes.

After his shower, he checks his phone, and sees he has a missed text.

 _From Barry: 911 – Nimbus back_

The text was sent nearly ten minutes ago, when he first got into the shower. In Flash time, that might as well have been days ago. Frowning, Len brings the phone to his ear and waits while it rings, and rings, and rings.

And goes to voicemail.

He hangs up and tries again.

Voicemail.

"Kid, not funny," he says with a growl. "Answer the phone."

Hangs up.

Tries again.

Again.

 _Again_.

xXx

Len's not sure what to do, or where to go – all he knows is Cisco is probably still at STAR Labs, and he's the only one Len knows how can possibly help. Len wants to go to the station, but Barry said he would be at a _crime scene_ , so not at the station, and even though Len's records have been deleted, just walking into the precinct is _dangerous_ for him.

So he goes to STAR Labs, and keeps trying Barry's cell.

He hears ringing in the hallways – Barry's ringtone.

His tense muscles relax, if only slightly. The phone's here. Barry's here. He has to be.

He follows the sound of the ringing and enters the medical area. On the floor in the middle of the room is Barry's phone, forgotten on the ground.

Next to it is Barry, and he's not moving.

Cisco is kneeling above him, and Lisa's standing over them both, looking down at him with wide eyes. Cisco's hands grab under Barry's arms and haul him up just as his eyes meet Len's, and Len quickly enters the rest of the room.

"Oxygen," Cisco snaps. "He needs oxygen. I'm calling Caitlin."

His phone's already in his hand, and he puts it on speakerphone, dropping it onto the bed next to Barry.

The kid's cold to the touch. The back of Len's fingers trace his wrist, pressing down, but there's no reassuring _thud-thud_ pressing back that he can feel, and that knot in his stomach triples. Time slows.

Caitlin says she will be there in five minutes.

That's too long.

"What do I do?" Len asks, forcing the words past reluctant lips.

"Move," Cisco says, shoving him aside so he can fit the oxygen mask over Barry's face.

"Pulse," Len manages to say, squeezing the kid's wrist, still feeling nothing.

Cisco is doing something, whirling around in a blur of motion too fast for Len to focus on at the moment. Not that he can look away from the kid right now, anyway.

"Barry!" comes a new voice, and Len flinches but doesn't move or look away from what's important, even when he feels eyes on him. "What are you doing here, Snart?"

"Same thing you're doing here," he snaps back. "Cisco, pulse?"

"I'm working on it," Cisco snaps.

The atmosphere is so incredibly tense.

Joe West comes to stand at Len's side.

Len has been unaware of what Cisco's been doing, but suddenly the sound of a heartbeat fills the room, but Len's still gripping the kid's wrist and he feels _nothing_.

"Barry sometimes gets a very fast heartbeat," Cisco tries to explain. "It's hard to feel and only our monitors can pick it up – the hospital kept thinking he was going into cardiac arrest when he was in his coma, but his heartbeat was just going too fast for the machines to pick it up."

Len's head hurts. "So he's okay?"

"Yeah – he heals fast, and he made it here in time," Cisco says. "He's been hit by Nimbus before. It was Nimbus, right?"

"Yeah," West says gruffly, hovering next to Len, looking down at Barry as well. "We were at a crime scene – Nimbus killed a convenience store clerk. To lure us there, I guess. Well, _me_ there…"

There's a level of guilt and sadness to his voice now, and Len finally tears his gaze away from the kid to look at the detective, who's looking down at the kid all guiltily.

"What happened?" Len asks. "Barry can easily outrun this guy, right?"

"Yes," the detective admits. "Except Nimbus was aiming at _me_ and Barry jumped in front of me."

That explains the guilt.

Anger stirs in Len's stomach, but not directed at West. Directed at _Barry_ , because there had to have been easier ways to get West to safety than taking the gas for him. Fast healing or not, he could still get hurt, he could still _die_ …

 _Does the kid have a death wish?_

First he went into the Singularity – now he's thrown himself into some deadly gas coming from a meta-human. Sure, it was to save West, and the Singularity was to save the city, and maybe Len has no right to be angry, but he _is_. He's so angry, and _betrayed_ , and he doesn't know _why_.

"He'll be okay, right?" he asks, to clarify.

Cisco nods. "Caitlin would know more than me, but she'll be here any time and he seems stable for now. He heals fast and he's on oxygen; he should be fine."

Len nods tersely, unsure what to do now.

The angry part of him wants to walk away, be alone for a bit.

The rest of him refuses to budge, because Barry is cold and pale and wrong. That's wrong.

So he stays put, and so does West.

xXx

Barry will be okay.

Caitlin checks him over as soon as she gets there, and says the same thing as Cisco. They've both dealt with this before, after all – sure, they had _Wells_ there to help them, but they seem to know what they're doing. Barry's in good hands, and Len _knows_ that, but he still finds he can't leave.

Lisa calls him later that night, and he tells her what happened. She offers to come to STAR Labs, but he declines, saying he's tired and he'll probably sleep here, and everyone else – save Cisco – has gone home already.

Cisco is growing on him, he has to admit. The kid's a good friend to Barry, and takes his work seriously. The tech genius hardly ever goes home, it seems.

Len's sure there's a story there, but he doesn't ask. It's not his place.

His place is next to Barry.

He sits in an uncomfortable plastic chair, up next to the bed, and traces patterns across the back of the kid's hand. Barry's fingers twitch in his sleep, and the oxygen mask is off now; they're just waiting for him to wake up. He'll be okay.

Len knows he'll be okay.

He does.

But he knows the knot in his stomach won't go away until green eyes open.

xXx

Barry wakes around four in the morning, yawning as he looks up at Len, who wakes at the way his pillow shifts. He lifts his head from where it was previously resting on the kid's arm, and finds green eyes watching him.

"Hey," the kid says with a warm smile, but his skin's still colder than usual.

"Hey, kid," Len says. "How do you feel?"

"I'm good."

Len nods, then glares down at him. "What were you _thinking_?"

Barry frowns slowly. "What do you mean?"

"You jumped in front of West?"

The kid's eyes widen and he's scrambling to sit up. "Where's Joe? Is he okay?"

Len pushes a hand against the kid's chest, forcing him back down. "He's fine, he went home a while ago – he didn't want to, but he wanted to make sure Iris was safe."

Barry swallows thickly and nods again, relaxing against the pillows. "You didn't have to stay, Len. Those chairs are uncomfortable."

"What kind of fiancé would I be if I left you here alone?" Len asks.

Barry smiles.

"That being said, I'm mad at you."

The smile falters. "Am I in trouble?"

"Yes," Len says, scowling at him. "You are grounded until further notice."

Barry laughs weakly. "You can't ground me, you're not my father, and I'm an adult."

"No, you are _grounded_ ," Len repeats firmly. "I will freeze your legs to the floor if I have to, kid."

"Why am I grounded?"

"For being reckless."

"… I'm the Flash, Len, it's kind of in the job description."

"The _Flash_ is reckless, and I'll talk to him later, but _Barry Allen_ is a CSI and it is _not his job_ to jump in front of people," Len tells him, glaring down at the kid. "As for the _Flash_ , you can tell _him_ I'm very angry with him too – he could have pulled West away, dodged the gas himself, but _no_ , he decides to stand in front of it and take it."

Barry blinks up at him. "Wow. You're mad. Okay, uh – I'm sorry?"

"You're grounded, Scarlet. You aren't to leave my side until I say otherwise – understood?"

Barry stares at him for a moment, and then laughs. "Wow, okay. Sure, Len. Yeah, I'll be glued to your side for a while. Sounds good, but what about my day job?"

"CSI Barry Allen can go to crime scenes, but Captain Cold will be watching him. And if he does anything out of line, like _get hurt again_ , Captain Cold will be there in a flash, to personally scold him."

"Oh, no, not scolded," Barry laughs. "I can't handle the scolding."

"You will be scolded, and later punished."

Barry smiles up at him, Bambi-eyes and all. "I love you, Len."

Len takes in a breath, threading his fingers with the kid's cold ones. "Love you, too, Scarlet."

Barry yawns, blinking tiredly.

"But you're still grounded."


	12. Chapter 12: What's in a Name

**A/N:** I don't know how many chapters will be left; this story is really getting away from me. I guess I'll let it go on a little longer. You guys seem to like it xD And I'm having fun writing it, so what's the harm? I don't know when it will end, then. We'll just have to wait and see. Hope that's okay :)

The Arrow is mentioned here, as is Felicity - I apologize if anything's wrong. I haven't personally watched the Arrow, only the Flash, and not even the Arrow episodes pertaining to the Flash. I need to, I just never got around to it. Put that on my growing to-do list, I guess.

I already have about 1.1k of the next chapter written, so I expect it will be up soon. I wrote his chapter before bed, but didn't post it because I was too out of it and tired. I woke up about an hour ago and couldn't sleep, so started typing the next chapter, and am finally getting around to posting this one. Enjoy!

Chapter length: 2721

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 12 – What's in a Name**

Barry is released from STAR Labs four hours after he wakes, when Caitlin arrives to 'okay' his vitals. She scolds him for getting himself in this situation again, and Barry sheepishly says he's sorry, and then he's dragging Len out of there.

They get on Len's motorcycle and leave.

Then they're back at the safe house, and Lisa's in the living room. She looks up from the TV and scowls when she sees them, getting to her feet.

"I assume you're okay?" she asks Barry.

Barry nods.

"Good."

Then she punches him in the shoulder and he winces, rubbing his arm.

"That's for making Lenny worry," Lisa says smugly. "He sounded terrible on the phone."

Len throws her a glare, but she simply laughs and walks away.

Barry looks at Len. "I didn't mean to make you worry. I was okay – I mean, I made it to STAR Labs."

"What if Cisco hadn't been there?" Len asks, glaring at him, because it's something that's been nagging at the back of his mind. Caitlin leaves a lot, and Wells isn't always there anymore; Cisco is usually there, but sometimes he's not, especially if Barry's not out doing his job as the Flash.

Barry frowns. "I didn't think about that."

"No – because you didn't think, did you?"

"What do you want me to say, Len?" Barry asks helplessly, shoulders drooping, and Len doesn't like that look on his face, but he doesn't like the feeling in his chest even more.

"There's nothing you can say, because I know you're always going to throw yourself into harm's way," Len says thickly, feeling his own shoulders slouch. "And that's what makes you _you_ , kid, so I don't expect you to change, just – be more careful from now on, please."

Barry stares at him for a moment, before he nods and slides closer to Len. The kid's arms are warm around him, the chill lingering on his skin falling away finally. "I'm sorry, Len," Barry says quietly, lips pressed against Len's shoulder as the hug tightens. "I didn't mean to worry you. There wasn't time to do anything else; by the time I noticed the gas at all, it was almost to Joe. I didn't think. I'm sorry."

Len takes in a shuddering breath, bringing his own arms up and around the kid. He doesn't have words, so he says nothing, and instead just holds onto the speedster. They stand like that for a moment, before Barry pulls away, and Len reluctantly lets him.

"I'll try not to be as reckless in the future," the kid offers.

Len sighs. "Alright, Scarlet. But you're still grounded."

Barry laughs faintly. "Alright, Len. Whatever you say."

" _Whatever_ I say, huh?"

The kid's eyes widen. "Um…"

Len smirks. "I'll keep that in mind. Right now, though, I bet you're starving."

Barry blinks at him sheepishly.

"We're going to eat as soon as you take a shower," Len tells him. "And you should call Joe and let him know you're okay – he was worried."

"Were you and him… _nice_ to each other?" Barry asks incredulously.

"I can be nice," Len defends, though he does release a small chuckle. "But yes, actually – we were civil."

They both had a common interest, and that was Barry's well-being. They didn't talk, or really even bond, while they were waiting for the kid to wake up, but there was a certain understanding there that hadn't been there before. When Joe left, he had this look in his eyes, and Len nodded – he'd keep an eye on Barry, and in that moment, Joe West trusted him enough to leave him at his son's side while he checked on Iris.

Barry shakes his head. "Oh my God. The world is ending. Dogs and cats living together, criminals and detectives getting along…"

"Villains and heroes living together," Len comments offhandedly.

"Mass hysteria," Barry finishes with a smile, before he pauses like something's only just then dawned on him. "Huh. We _are_ living together, aren't we?"

Len pauses. He didn't mean to imply… if they aren't…

"I like that," Barry says happily. "I'll bring more things over."

"I was thinking of moving somewhere else," Len says, deciding now is as good a time as any to bring it up. The kid's eyes widen. "Not out of the city, kid, calm down. Just – somewhere else. Somewhere bigger."

"Can you do that?" Barry asks, and then frowns. "Wait – how did you even get _this_ house? Did you steal it?"

Len scowls. "Contrary to popular belief, I don't steal _everything_ , kid. I do have my own money, and a bank account."

"Leonard Snart has a bank account?"

"No," he says truthfully. "But Leonard _Allen_ does."

Barry stops. It's like he's frozen in time for a moment. He blinks slowly, mouth falling open in that adorable, fishy way of his. And then he's just gaping, and it would be funny if Len wasn't incredibly nervous right now. It's the first time he's mentioned it.

"Allen?" Barry murmurs. "Like…?"

"Like Barry Allen, yes," Len replies with a nod. "Leonard Snart's records might have been wiped but he can't just go out and get a bank account, or buy property. I've been using an alias for a while, and since we're getting married in December… it just seemed like a good idea to use Leonard Allen." He takes in a slow breath, realizing he's rambling somewhat. "But if that's a problem, I can change it to something else."

He'll have to change banks. Withdraw everything from that bank, like he did before when he changed his name to Leonard Allen, but that's okay, if it's what Barry wants.

Barry just continues to stare at him. "You want to take my last name?"

Len shrugs. "I can't offer you much with _my_ last name, Scarlet."

"So you _want_ to be Leonard Allen?"

"Yes," he says quietly, watching the kid and the way green eyes soften.

Barry smiles and steps toward him again. "Well then, welcome to the world, Len Allen."

And then warm arms are around him again, and pliable lips are against his own, and he knows this is home.

xXx

Barry's excited to look at new places to live. They look a few up online while Len tells him about his paperwork, and how at the wedding he will go by Leonard Caldwell, which is derived from Old English and means, very loosely, 'cold spring'. Len thought it was amusing. Barry snorts at his explanation.

And then after the wedding he will go by Leonard Allen. At his bank he is already Leonard Allen, but for a more thorough background check he has attempted to make files detailing him as Leonard Caldwell.

Barry says he can see if Felicity will help, since she's a hacker and can probably help Leonard Caldwell come into existence, but then that means letting 'them' know he's with a criminal and it's a conversation he's not looking forward to. Len doesn't know who Felicity is, or who this 'them' is.

"Uh – Felicity Smoak?" Barry tries, and Len shakes his head because the name is unfamiliar to him. "Wow – have I really not spoken about her?"

Len's eyes narrow. "Who is she?"

"Just a friend," Barry says. "I met her before I got struck by lightning. Like, _right_ before, actually. But if we want her help we have to tell her why and everything, and then she's gonna tell Oliver and he's going to shoot me again."

He sounds so miserable.

"Why would he shoot – what do you mean, _again_?" Len demands.

Barry's eyes widen. "What? Oh – uh – well, you see, he likes, um… pointy things… Crap. I'm not supposed to tell anyone. Just ignore me."

"Tell me," Len says.

Barry keeps his mouth shut and looks away.

Len does not like secrets between them.

"Tell me," he says again, softer this time. "If we're going to get married, I'm going to learn all of this at some point, anyway, right?"

Barry scowls. "See, that's not fair, using logic against me."

"Tell me, Scarlet."

The kid sighs. "The Arrow. Or, the Green Arrow, I guess. Have you heard of him?"

Len's eyes narrow again. "In passing," he says vaguely. "What about him? Do _you_ know him?"

Barry rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "Uh – well, kind of."

"Doesn't he kill his criminals? Wait a minute – he _shot_ you?"

"Only with arrows," Barry defends.

"Arrow _s_? As in more than one?"

Yeah – this _Green Arrow_ is definitely on his list.

"It was a training exercise," Barry says quickly. "He didn't mean it."

"Where did these _arrows_ land?"

Barry's eyes widen and he snaps his mouth shut again. Len growls, sliding a little closer across the bed, the laptop forgotten for the time being.

"Tell me, Scarlet."

"He – it was just – the back."

"He shot you in the back with arrows. How many?"

"Just two!"

Len scowls. "Why are you defending him?"

"I just – look, he operates differently, and he knew I would heal," Barry says with big, puppy-dog eyes. Len's scowl deepens. Barry is too trusting.

"And if those _arrows_ had punctured your _heart_? Would you have healed _then_?"

Barry shuts his mouth once more, frowning like he never considered it before.

And this is why Len worries. The kid is too trusting, and too reckless, and Len's going to have to fix this. He's going to have to keep an eye on him.

But as his fiancé, that's his job.

xXx

Felicity agrees to help, but says she's going to tell the Arrow. Len still doesn't know the guy's actual name, but he hasn't come out and asked Barry. The kid doesn't want to give up his _friend's_ secret, and Len can understand that, at the very least. Even if this Arrow guy isn't really his friend, because friends don't shoot friends in the backs with arrows.

Yeah, he's still a little angry about that, even two days later.

Tonight, though, they are going to dinner at Joe West's house, since their previous plans to do so got canceled when Nimbus re-entered the picture. The police still haven't found him, and neither has the Flash, not that Len's really been letting the kid look for him. After the failed attempt to get West, Nimbus hasn't reappeared anyway and no one else has died from him. Len wonders if he just left town, but somehow he knows it's not that simple.

Barry is a ball of nerves, practically vibrating with energy as they walk up the steps to West's front door. Len puts a hand on his shoulder and the kid takes in a steadying breath.

"He won't shoot _you_ ," Len offers.

Barry gives him a sideways glance. "Not helping, Len."

He raises a hand and knocks on the door. It opens almost immediately, and then Joe West is staring at the two of them. Len keeps his hand where it is on Barry's shoulder, staring back at the detective.

"Hey, Joe," Barry says quickly. "Sorry we're a little late, that's my fault, I'm, uh… always late…"

Len snorts at his excuse.

West sighs and steps aside, allowing them entrance. "Come in."

Barry practically leaps into the house, sidestepping Joe, leaving Len's hand to fall from his shoulder as the detective holds out an arm, stopping him from following after the speedster. Barry stops and turns around, frowning, but Len just smiles in return, letting him know it's okay.

West steps outside and closes the door behind him. Barry's eyes follow the movement until the door is all the way shut.

Len sighs and looks at West. "Alright – what is it this time? You invited us here, you know, this is a bit rude."

West scrubs a hand over his haggard face. "Shut it, Snart."

"Come to ask about my _intentions_ again? Or do you still think I'm _manipulating_ him?"

If the words come out bitter like bad coffee, he doesn't doubt it. He _is_ bitter. He is a criminal, but even he has standards, and using people like this is something he would _never_ do. He would never manipulate someone like this.

"I just wanted to ask what your plans were," West says simply.

"I already told you," Len sighs.

"I _heard_ that. I meant, how are you planning on _doing_ it? I know Barry got rid of your records, which I am still _not okay with_ , but Leonard Snart is still notoriously known."

Len smiles faintly. "We've already taken care of that problem, so you don't have to worry about that."

"By what? Changing your name? People at the precinct are going to want to meet Barry's _partner_ , and they're going to recognize you."

"They might, but they can't prove it's me," Len says, because he's given this some thought. "All fingerprints will come up negative because all of my records are gone. And we're fixing it so it all comes back as Leonard Caldwell."

"I don't think the two of you have thought this through," West says doubtfully. "The police aren't stupid; they're going to know it's you and they're going to give you both hell."

Len winces, because he's thought of that, too. Barry works there, so it's not like the kid can just avoid them. "So don't tell them he's getting married, and they won't ask."

"They're going to find out eventually."

"What do you want me to say?" Len asks.

West sighs heavily. "I don't know. I just don't think you've thought this through, but then I guess _love_ is complicated."

Len blinks at him.

"Just think about it," West says. "If you two are so gung-ho about doing this, then you're going to need a decent plan. That's your forte, isn't it, Snart? So plan."

And then the detective is opening the door and entering the house, and then Barry joins him on the porch, frowning at him. It all happens so fast.

"What did he say?" Barry asks. "He didn't threaten you again, did he?"

"No," Len says quietly.

He just told him to plan.

xXx

Dinner is awkward, but bearable. Iris is there, so she at least helps ease some of the tension. Barry and West disappear after dinner to have a discussion which Len is not privy to, but when Barry emerges he doesn't look upset, and is smiling faintly, so it can't be all bad.

Len hopes.

They leave the West house sometime around eight, and head back to the safe house. Len wants to call it home, but with their upcoming plan to move soon, he can't really call it that. Which reminds him, he needs to tell Lisa about his plans on moving. She can either keep this safe house or come with them; he hasn't discussed it with Barry, but it doesn't matter to him if she comes with them.

Privacy would be nice, but he plans on at least getting a lock for the bedroom door wherever they move, so there's that. And he doesn't like letting Lisa out of his sight for _too_ long, even though she likes to do her own heists and everything. Since returning to Central City with her, they haven't really been apart for very long. She's probably itching for her independence again.

He tries not to be overbearing, but it's his job as the big brother.

Lisa is out with Cisco tonight, according to her text. She's been spending a lot of time with him lately.

Len opens the door to the safe house and steps inside, Barry following after him.

There's this quick, hissing sound. Len stiffens and spins around, but Barry's not there anymore.

In the time it's taken to blink, the kid has whipped around him and is standing in front of him, holding onto an arrow which would have sliced through Len's arm. There's a second hiss and the kid moves again, catching this arrow as well even as the kid growls angrily.

Len's not happy, either.

Another hiss, and an explosion of light. Then some kind of spray or gas, from a canister.

Len chokes, squinting through the gas as his vision spins, searching for the kid but he's nowhere to be found.

There's pain, sudden and sharp in the back of his head, and darkness consumes his vision.


	13. Chapter 13: Apology (Not) Accepted

**A/N:** Again, I've never watched Arrow except for a few episodes of the very first season, so I apologize if they are out of character. I'm going by what I saw on the Flash with them. Oliver seems like the type to kidnap people if they randomly decide to date/marry his allies/friends, and he seems a bit protective of Barry, even if he does shoot him in the back with arrows on occasion xD So, there's that. Again, sorry if it's wrong, since I'm not very familiar with them.

Chapter length: 2529

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 13 – Apology (Not) Accepted**

Len wakes in a thick fog to the sound of faint voices arguing. His head throbs sharply upon awakening, and he's not sure where he is, but this definitely doesn't smell like the safe house. He pries heavy eyelids open and finds himself in a bright room, strapped down to a chair. That would explain the throbbing neck, then – he's been slouching in the chair for who knows how long.

It's uncomfortable, but more uncomfortable is the fact he remembers he wasn't alone before the attack.

He looks around, but Barry is nowhere to be found. He can hear voices, but none of them are his. One is female, one is male, and they seem to be talking off to the side, around a corner where he can't see.

He can't make out what they're saying, only that their inflection seems to indicate they are arguing.

He squirms, and must make some noise because a second later the arguing stops and two people round the corner, approaching him. One is a blonde woman, the other a brunette male with sharp eyes like a hawk.

Len sits back, adopting a more casual position despite how much he wants to continue attempting to twist free. Somehow, he knows it is useless. This guy looks adept at tying people up, and the girl…

She looks apologetic, at least, but he's not sure why.

"Where's Barry?" Len asks, because that's all that matters right now. The blonde girl looks at the guy, but the guy keeps his mouth shut. "He was with me when you attacked – where is he?"

If they have done something to Barry, he will ice them. He will start with the feet and work his way up, a slow, torturous demise. He will let them feel helpless and cold before it ends.

"You're Leonard Snart," the guy says in a gruff voice, and the girl sighs heavily. "AKA Captain Cold."

"So my reputation precedes me," Len says with a shrug, which is actually rather difficult due to his position right now, and the fact everything seems sore.

"Barry is not going to like this," the blonde murmurs to the brunette.

" _Barry_ has made some questionable decisions," the guy replies.

"So I'm going to assume you're the Arrow?" Len asks, watching the guy for his reaction. To his credit, he remains calm, although his eyes harden a little, and the girl's eyes widen. "Or Green Arrow, whatever you're calling yourself now. And you must be Felicity."

The blonde smiles. She has a nice smile, for someone who was part of capturing him. "Has Barry mentioned me? Wait – of course he has, he asked for my help. I mean, not that he _needed_ to mention me or anything, because-"

"He gets it," the guy says.

Felicity falls silent.

"Why am I here?" Len asks. "I assume you already know the Flash's identity."

Felicity smiles again. "I told you! You owe me twenty dollars. I told you he'd know who Barry is."

The guy sighs. "I hear you're planning to marry Barry."

"That would be correct."

" _Why_?" the guy asks, frowning.

"Why?" Len repeats, confused.

"What's in it for you?"

Len's getting really tired of people assuming he's a complete asshole. He's only an asshole _on occasion_ , and when people deserve it. Barry doesn't deserve it. "I love him," he says as calmly as he can manage. "I don't care if you don't believe me. I went through the same thing with his foster dad. I don't have any ulterior motives. What would I gain by changing my name to Leonard Allen?"

He would gain nothing, except Barry.

Felicity's eyes widen. "I thought you wanted to change your name to Leonard Caldwell?"

" _Before_ the wedding," Len explains. "After that, it's Leonard Allen. Why? Problem?"

"No," she says quickly, shaking her head. "I think it's sweet. Isn't it sweet, Ollie?"

 _Ollie_. Len files that little tidbit away. Barry let it slip once that his name was _Oliver_. Len's really going to have to look into this Arrow guy.

The guy scowls. "Do you know my name?" he asks.

"You look kind of familiar," Len says, "but I don't usually visit Starling City. Or Star City, whatever you're calling it now. And Barry hasn't told me, yet."

The guy relaxes slightly. "At least he can keep a secret, even partially."

"I don't like secrets," Len says. "Never been a fan of them."

"You're also a wanted criminal, so your opinion doesn't matter."

"Rude," Felicity says.

Len's eyes narrow. "All of the evidence against me is gone; you have no proof of your accusations. That being said, I'd like to know where Barry is, now. He was with me when you _attacked_."

"Barry's fine," the guy says. "I wouldn't hurt him."

Len snorts. "But shooting him full of arrows is perfectly reasonable," he mutters, glaring at the guy, whose eyes narrow once again. He's going to get permanently stuck with that look if he keeps it up.

"Ollie," Felicity hisses. "You shot Barry?"

"It was a while ago," _Ollie_ defends.

"Just because he heals fast doesn't mean he's invincible," Len says. "I have a bone to pick with you, _Arrow_. You could have killed him."

"Barry's fine."

"That's not the point," Len snaps, and it must look hilarious, him strapped to a chair and lecturing the Arrow of all people, but he doesn't care. "What if you punctured his heart with your little stunt? Would he have healed then? For a _hero_ you're sure willing to risk your friend's life for a _training exercise_. The Flash would never do that."

It seems he's struck some kind of chord with the guy, as _Ollie_ just stares blankly back at him for a moment. Felicity grabs his arm. "We need to let him go," she says calmly. "When Barry wakes up he's not going to be happy."

"Where is he?" Len asks. "What do you mean, wakes up? Did you smack him over the head, too?" This he levels at the guy, glaring at him again. "You really don't care about his well-being, do you?"

"I care a great deal for Barry," the guy snaps back. "But he can be reckless, and I'm just being cautious."

"By knocking _both_ of us out and stealing his boyfriend? Did you drag him here, too?" Len asks.

The guy remains silent.

"So he's here," Len says.

At least Barry's not home, freaking out. If their roles were reversed, Len would definitely be freaking out if he woke up after being attacked and found the kid missing.

Now he just needs to get free, find the kid, and break out.

An alarm of some kind goes off on Felicity's phone. She looks at it and then at the guy. "Barry's awake."

"Go to him," the guy says.

"He's not going to like this," Felicity complains. "We need to just let his boyfriend go. We are definitely not getting invited to the wedding this way."

"Just a few minutes," _Ollie_ says.

Felicity groans but does as she's told and leave the two of them alone.

Len glares at the guy. "You do realize he's the Flash, right? He can down here literally in seconds."

"I know that," the guy says. "That's why I handcuffed him to the bed."

Well, that doesn't sound suggestive at all.

Len's eyes narrow further.

There's a blur of motion, which is his only warning as to what's happening, then _Ollie_ is sent sprawling to the floor. Barry stands above him, looking absolutely _livid_ , and it's a look Len's never seen on his face before, not even after he kidnapped Caitlin, or Cisco. And he's _vibrating_ , his whole body is, so his face and everything is mostly a blur of motion, but even then Len can tell he's _pissed_. And it's a little scary, seeing the Flash like that.

And he's reminded not for the first time of all the damage the Flash could do if he wanted, just like the Reverse-Flash.

"Fuck you," Barry snaps, voice vibrating to this odd pitch as _Ollie_ looks up at him. Barry takes in a heaving breath and finally stops vibrating, voice returning to normal just like his appearance, but he still looks so angry. "You couldn't just _talk to me_ , you had to _kidnap us_?"

"How did you get free? I just sent Felicity up to-" _Ollie_ starts.

"I can phase through solid objects, did I forget to mention?" Barry says, glaring down at him.

And yeah, the kid did forget to mention that.

But that does come in handy. Len files that away for later, too.

"Barry, I know you're angry-" the Arrow starts.

"Oh, I'm _beyond_ angry, Oliver," Barry snaps. "I'm fucking _pissed_! Shooting me with arrows is one thing, kidnapping my _fiancé_ is another!"

"I was just concerned," Oliver says. "And shh! He doesn't know who I am!"

Barry rolls his eyes, finally glancing at Len, his expression softening briefly. "Leonard Snart, Oliver Queen. Oliver Queen, Leonard Snart."

"Pleasure," Len drawls, glaring.

" _Barry_ ," Oliver hisses.

"No – you kidnapped us, so you don't get a say," Barry says, rounding back on him. "I thought we were friends, Oliver!"

"We are," Oliver says.

"Right now we're not," Barry snaps. "You broke into our home, knocked us out, took us here and _tied us up_. Does that sound like a _friend_ to you?"

Len wants to cheer Barry on, but his whole body aches from this position and he just wants to go home. "Could you untie me, kid?"

Barry's at his side in a flash. "I'm sorry, I should have done this immediately, I was just so angry," he says quietly, kissing the side of Len's face as the ropes fall away, and Len brings his sore wrists in front of him, rubbing at the redness around them. He gets to his feet despite the wave of dizziness which slams into him.

"Oliver's sorry," Felicity says, suddenly back with them. Len stiffens and looks up, but she's smiling at them. "Just so you know, this wasn't my idea."

"Oh, I know it wasn't," Barry says darkly. "This was all _the Arrow_."

"You can't really blame him, Barry," Felicity says softly, taking a step closer to them. "He just now found out about you two, and… Len _is_ a criminal. No offence!"

Len sighs. One of these days he's really going to take offence to that.

"Yeah, but he's with me now, and you guys should trust that I _know what I'm doing_ ," Barry says calmly, and Len is impressed. "I know he was my enemy, but he's not anymore. Captain Cold and the Flash haven't fought each other in a while."

"He betrayed you at Ferris Air," Oliver points out, and Len winces.

"Because I _asked him to_ ," Barry snaps, and that at least shuts Oliver up. "I had second thoughts about transporting human cargo to some prison in the middle of nowhere. I thought they should get a chance to be free, so Len said he'd take care of it. No, we _didn't_ mean for the plane to explode or for people to die. So you can blame all of that on _me_ but you leave Len _out of this_."

It's silent for a long time.

Len's never heard Barry this adamant before.

He grabs the kid's wrist, realizing he's thrumming with energy again, close to vibrating.

The kid stills, relaxing slightly. "We're leaving. And if you try to stop us, you won't like the outcome."

"No one is stopping you," Felicity says. "We just wanted to talk… and we went about it the wrong way, but Oliver was worried, and you know how he gets."

That's a lousy excuse, but Barry actually cracks a faint smile. "Yeah," he says softly, "I do know how he gets." He takes in a slow breath. "Can I still count on your help with the whole name thing?"

"Of course," Felicity says with a nod. "Oliver, apologize to our friend."

Oh, this should be good. Oliver doesn't look the type to apologize.

But Barry is looking at him expectantly, and Len knows how persuasive that look can be.

Finally, the Arrow sighs. "I'm sorry, Barry."

"Apology accepted," Barry says. "Now apologize to Len."

The Arrow scowls, but Len looks at him, waiting.

He sighs again. "I'm sorry, _Len_."

"Apology not accepted," Len says.

"Len," Barry says.

"No. I'm still angry with him. I'll forgive him in my own time."

Barry looks like he wants to argue, but nods anyway, understanding.

"Let's just go home, kid."

Barry nods, and then they disappear in a blur of motion.

It's a while before Len can breathe again.

xXx

"I'm so sorry," Barry babbles as he rubs at Len's wrists, over chafed skin. Apparently, even unconscious, he put up a struggle.

"Not your fault," Len tells him. He doesn't blame Barry for any of this.

"My fault," Barry says, shaking his head as he sits back with a sigh. "I knew he'd be mad, but I just… I didn't think he'd resort to _this_. But he doesn't see you has my boyfriend, he sees you as a criminal."

"I kind of got that," Len says, rolling his eyes. "He was… looking out for you, in a weird sort of way. I guess it's good he worries, but I don't appreciate his methods."

"No one appreciates it right now," Barry mutters, still obviously angry with the guy, even an hour after they've returned home.

"Are you okay?" Len asks, watching the kid.

Barry stiffens. "Uh – yeah? I wasn't the one tied to a chair for hours."

Len shrugs. "You were handcuffed to a bed. Why the bed?"

"Uh – I don't know?" Barry says, frowning. "Because I'm his friend, and he wanted to keep us together but didn't want me near you?"

"And what's this about you phasing, kid?"

Barry pauses. "Oh. Right. You were out of town that day."

"What day?" Len demands.

"Uh – well… there was this whole thing with the Trickster…"

"Yes, I recall that much," Len says, because he'd received Barry's distraught voicemail when his father had been kidnapped. "What does this have to do with going through solid objects?"

"Well, the Tricksters kind of… put this thing on my wrist. A bomb, that would explode if I went under a certain speed, so I had to keep running," Barry explains with a sigh, and Len's eyes narrow. It's a good thing these Tricksters were caught, but they are still going on his list. "Anyway, the only way to get it off without, you know, _exploding_ , was to go through a solid object, and the bomb would come off. So I did. And, uh… now I can do it with a lot of things."

"Why did you never tell me this?"

"Because you'd have that look on your face like you do right now," the kid mutters, scowling. "I'm fine, Len."

Len sighs heavily. "Sometimes, I'm amazed you make it through the day, Scarlet."

Barry's warm, moving to press against his side as they sit on the bed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you until now."

"Apology accepted."


	14. Chapter 14: Selfish

**A/N:** I'm so tired ;_; waaah! Anyway, I'm not sure where the angsty stuff came from? I guess there's been too much fluff, I don't know xD Then again this whole story pretty much came out of nowhere, so I guess I can't complain. It was only supposed to be maybe 4-6 chapters long, and look where we are now. So, there's that.

Chapter length: 2780

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 14 – Selfish**

They don't tell Lisa what happened.

It just seems easier that way; she'd be furious and hunt down Oliver Queen, and cause a huge scene. It wouldn't be good for anyone. Despite his anger, Barry doesn't want Queen in trouble, especially if it puts his identity in jeopardy. And Len knows Lisa and how she will react, so they decide it's best to not tell her.

Keeping it from her is hard, though. Len tells her everything.

Thankfully, she's usually out with Cisco, so he doesn't have to worry about it too much.

Two days after the fact and Barry's still fuming over it.

Len's not happy about it, either, but he's not nearly as tense as the kid. He's thrumming with energy again, and when the kid says they're going to STAR Labs, Len doesn't argue. He drives them there, and the lab is empty.

He's beginning to wonder if Barry _knows_ the lab is empty, and that's why he randomly decides to go to STAR Labs. Without Wells around, it's usually just Cisco lingering around anyway, and right now he's out with Len's sister.

Barry leads them through the halls and heads straight for the treadmill.

He doesn't ask Len to watch, but that's exactly what Len does.

After a while of running, Barry slows to a stop and looks over at him, panting, his hands on his knees as he hunches forward. He's covered in sweat, glistening in the light. "I needed that," he breathes.

"What's wrong with you, kid?" Len asks, frowning at him.

Barry waves him off dismissively.

"Scarlet."

Barry scowls. "That's not fair."

"What's not?"

"That tone," Barry says. "It's like truth serum."

"Good. I don't like being lied to, kid. Tell me what's up with you," Len says, approaching the treadmill. Barry sighs heavily, sitting on the edge of it, and Len joins him.

"I'm just angry," Barry says, shaking his head. "It's stupid. But it just made me have all this energy, and I needed to run. I feel better now."

"You need to run a lot," Len says.

"Yeah – crime's been low since the Singularity," Barry says with a shrug. "Usually I get to run a lot, through the city, but I just… I don't know. Lately, I don't want to."

And Len understands that. Maybe not _completely_ , since he's not a speedster and he didn't enter a black hole to save the city, but he can understand that Barry is reluctant to run through the city when he doesn't have to. They never really talked about it very much, but Barry seemed to be getting better. But Len has definitely noticed he doesn't run as much as he used to; Len usually drives them everywhere on his motorcycle, and occasionally the kid comes here to lose some energy.

"Are you still…" Len pauses, trying to find his words, but it's a struggle because they try to stick in his throat. "Do you still think you might vanish into time again?"

Barry shrugs helplessly, gaze focused on the ground, shoulders drooping. "I don't know. It's stupid, I know. The only way I could go back in time like that was because of the particle accelerator working like it was supposed to, or something like that. I _know_ the likelihood of it happening again when I'm running is very, very slim, but I still… worry."

Len takes in a slow breath, watching the kid. "I worry, too," he admits quietly.

Slowly, Barry lifts his gaze to focus on Len. "You… do? About what?"

"You, mostly," he says. "But I do worry you might… vanish again."

Admitting his fears is not something he likes doing. Having fears makes him weak, he's sure, and if his father could see him right now he'd be so very, very disappointed. But that doesn't matter because Barry needs to hear it just as much as Len needs to say it, because it might be unlikely, but it's still a fear.

And it's not stupid.

Barry swallows thickly, Adam's apple bobbing. "I'm afraid to run fast," the kid admits. "And that's crazy, because I'm the Flash, and it's kind of what I _do_." He drags in a breath, exhaling shakily. "But when I run too fast, I… there's no way to describe how it feels. All my words come back to Wells' when he was… helping me phase."

Len nods, though he doesn't completely understand. But Barry needs to get this off his chest, and Len is touched he's talking to him instead of anyone else.

Instead of people better equipped to handle this, because they were there at the time.

"He said I was part of a Speed Force, whatever that is. But I… I can feel it, when I'm moving fast. It's like… I'm tapping into something, and it's _mine_ , and… I like it. There's no other feeling like it in the world," Barry explains quietly.

Len doesn't say anything, merely listens, because it's what the kid needs, and he has no words. So he settles a hand on the kid's wrist to let him know he's not going anywhere, and the speedster keeps talking.

"And when I went back in time, to… to save my mom…" Here he falters, and Len frowns.

"What happened with that?" he asks. "You said you were in time…"

Barry sucks in a trembling breath. "I… Yeah."

"You said your future self told you not to save her."

Which Len still doesn't really understand.

Barry's eyes fall closed as he pulls his knees to his chest, hunching forward, elbows over his knees and face now buried in his elbows. Barry's a rather tall, lanky individual, but now he looks like a small child. Len slides a little closer out of instinct rather than thought.

"Scarlet?"

"I… I was so _selfish_ ," Barry mumbles, the sound muffled since he's hiding his face.

"You're the least selfish person I know," Len tells him.

Barry said he was selfish before, too, but never elaborated. Len let him get away with it then, but now…

Now he can't.

"Tell me how you're selfish," Len says.

Another trembling breath. He sees it in the kid's outline.

"I went back in time to save my mom… but that would have given me a different life," Barry mumbles. "But she would be alive, and so… I thought it was worth it. I wanted to _save her_. All my life, I've wanted to change that night, and I finally could."

Len nods even though the kid's not looking at him. He rests a hand on the kid's shoulder, squeezing lightly.

Barry continues. "So I went back, but… I mean, I was scared, too, because _I_ would cease to exist. Me, as I am – I would not exist anymore."

And that's a scary thought, Len has to admit.

"I would be essentially erasing myself from the timeline, because _this_ timeline wouldn't have happened," Barry says despondently. "And… And I'm _selfish_ because I _like_ this life."

Len swallows, squeezing Barry's shoulder again as the kid stops talking for a moment.

"It was bad at first, sure, but… but it's the only life I've ever known, and it's _mine_. I have Joe, and Iris, and Cisco and Caitlin and… and _you_ …" A shaky breath. "And I couldn't just let it slip away. I'm selfish because I chose my life over hers. I'm selfish because I wanted to _keep_ this life. I'm selfish because I didn't change the timeline, and Eddie died for it. I'm selfish because it's my fault that Singularity happened."

By the end of it, the kid's a mess. Len can't see any tears, but he has a feeling he knows anyway. He bites his lower lip momentarily, which he usually does not do, and then he slides closer still. His arms easily wrap around the form of Barry Allen, attempting to shrink into himself. The kid stiffens at first, and Len wonders if he did something wrong, but then the speedster relaxes into his hold, leaning into him now.

"I'm so _selfish_ ," Barry whispers, face still hidden and voice still muffled. "And I'm so _sorry_ …"

"You're not selfish, Barry," Len tells him.

"I am. I _am_."

"You're not selfish – you just happened to respond to self-preservation," Len says quietly. "It's an instinct we all share, kid, and you've ignored your sense of self-preservation for far too long."

Barry lifts his head just enough that half-lidded green eyes focus on him, briefly.

Len draws in a breath to continue speaking. "You knew that saving your mom would erase you from this timeline – that's basically killing you. And you got scared, because you don't want to die, and that's perfectly normal."

"But I could have saved her…" Barry mutters, gaze flickering away. "I _should have_ saved her."

"That would mean the death of you," Len says thickly. "You're not selfish for wanting to save yourself, Scarlet."

"I told her I got a second chance to tell her me and Dad are okay," Barry mumbles, hiding his face again. "But that's not true – I got a second chance to save her, and I… didn't."

The kid talked to his mom, it seems. That has to hurt, because it would have been as she was dying, and Len can only imagine what that was like. No wonder the kid's so messed up right now.

"Your mother wouldn't want you to ruin yourself in the midst of saving her," Len tells him quietly, pulling away slightly. "And if you're selfish, kid, I'm right there with you."

Barry's head lifts again, slightly, so he can frown at Len. "What do you mean?"

Len sighs heavily, running a hand across his face. Finding the words is complicated, but necessary. "I'm happy you didn't save your mom."

Green eyes widen. "W-What?"

"I'm selfish," Len tells him. "I'm happy you were selfish for once in your life and chose to save yourself. I'm happy the timeline isn't changed. I'm happy we're getting married in December." He draws in a breath as Barry keeps watching him with wide eyes. "That fact is, I love you, Scarlet. If saving your mom means you get taken from me, then no, I'm not okay with that. So, you see, kid, I'm the selfish one, not you."

Barry stares at him for a long time.

Len blinks back.

There's a blur of motion, and then Len's arms are filled with Barry Allen once more, and that's perfectly okay with him. The kid's warm against his side, his arms wound around Len's middle as the kid's head rests on his shoulder.

"I love you, too," Barry says quietly. "We can be selfish together."

Len smiles, and then laughs faintly. Maybe one day it won't be so frail.

xXx

Barry's at a crime scene, picking up bits of hair and the like.

Len's across the street with binoculars.

Not the most inconspicuous thing he can do, but it works, and he's in a dark room after hours, so it's not like anyone can see him.

He wasn't lying about the kid being grounded, and that he would indeed be around the corner at crime scenes. It's true that Barry got the call around nine at night and left immediately, but Len can easily follow someone who doesn't want to run in a blur of motion.

It's still so strange to have the Flash not be the _Flash_. He's the Flash but he's not, because he doesn't use his speed all the time anymore, and it's… _different_.

Perhaps this is to be the new normal.

If that leaves him with a Barry Allen he can track on foot, he's fine with that.

Joe West stands at the kid's side, discussing his findings. Barry stands to his full length instead of crouching as he had been, evidence bagged. Len's never watched Barry at work before. Sure, he's seen the Flash in action on multiple occasions, but he's never seen CSI Barry Allen at work, and it's something to see. The kid looks so focused and determined, so at ease like he used to be in the Flash suit. It's a look Len finds he misses.

His phone vibrates in his pocket, startling him. He contemplates ignoring it, but people don't usually call him, so he sighs and pulls it free of his clothing.

It's Lisa.

"Yeah, sis?" he answers, keeping an eye on Barry, one hand holding up the binoculars.

"Where are you?" Lisa asks.

"Uh… At a crime scene."

"Are you robbing someone? And you didn't invite me?" The pout is obvious in her voice.

Len snorts. "No, sis. I'm watching Barry work."

"… It's not, like… from the shadows or anything, is it?"

Len remains silent.

Lisa laughs. "Leonard Snart, are you telling me you're stalking your _fiancé_?"

"I'm keeping an eye on him," Len defends. "There's a difference."

She laughs again. "Oh, this is great. I love you, Lenny, but this is crazy. Does Barry know you're lingering in the shadows like a creeper?"

"He knows enough," Len says, because he did flat-out _tell_ Barry he'd be following him to crime scenes… Whether or not Barry believed him is another matter entirely.

"This is priceless. Why are you stalking him, again?"

"He's a magnet for trouble," Len says, watching as Barry walks toward a police car, probably to head back to his lab at the precinct. Following him there is going to be more difficult, but not undoable.

"And this is different from before… how?"

It's not, really. He's just more aware of it now, and that makes all the difference.

"What do you want, Lisa?" he asks, because she called for a reason.

"Oh, right. Well, I just got home and no one's here, so I wasn't sure if you two were having a secret date somewhere or something."

"So you thought calling me would clear things up?"

"Well, when you put it like _that_ …" Lisa drawls. "But no, I was just wondering when you'd be back."

Len scoffs. "That tech geek isn't at the house, is he?"

But he already knows the answer.

"What?" Lisa sounds all the right amounts of surprised, but she is a stellar actress. "Of course not! I… That would… maybe?"

Len sighs heavily. He wants to complain on basic principle, but the truth is he is growing kind of fond of Cisco, and he seems good for Lisa, so he supposes he'll let it slide. For now. "Don't break the bed," he says. "I have to go, Lis. Talk to you later."

He hangs up before she can reply, and moves to leave the building.

Following Barry to the police station will be difficult… but he's always liked a challenge.

xXx

When Barry emerges the police station, Len's waiting for him outside on his motorcycle, helmet hiding his face. Nevertheless, Barry knows it's him and smiles as he approaches, reaching for the spare helmet.

Usually the two never bother with helmets unless they are going to be traveling quickly; but for the basic speed limit in town, they do not, usually. Barry can always save them if they are going to crash. But tonight, in front of the police station, he figures the helmets are needed.

"Were you following me?" Barry asks by way of greeting, putting the helmet on.

"I told you you're grounded," Len replies.

Barry laughs and climbs onto the motorcycle, looping his arms around Len's middle. Len revs the engine and pulls away from the curb.

The drive back to the safe house is short enough, and they climb off the motorcycle, entering the house.

The house is mostly dark but the TV is on, and loud. Len doesn't need to know why that's like that.

"Is… Is that Cisco's…?" Barry asks, gesturing at a shirt left on the couch.

"We're leaving," Len says, spinning on his heel to head back for the door.

"But we just got here," Barry complains.

It's late – roughly two in the morning, and they're both tired, but there is no way Len is sleeping in this house while his sister has sex.

Lisa can be quite vocal, and _no_. Not happening tonight.

"Where can we crash for the night, Scarlet?"

Barry frowns at him as they climb back on the motorcycle. "Uh… Joe's, I guess? I still have a room there with a lot of my stuff. If we're quiet he might not even know… he's still at the station, anyway."

Len sighs. He isn't sure he likes this idea, but the alternative is listening to his sister… and no. Absolutely not.

"Joe's it is," he says, and pulls away from the safe house.


	15. Chapter 15: Changes

Sorry for the delay, guys. The next few chapters might come out more slowly. I just got kind of bumped up at work so it's a bit stressful, leaning new things. And the keys. Dear God, so many keys, why? Q.Q Anyway, so that's what's been happening with me lately. And this upcoming week I have to work a LOT so... I don't know when I'll have free time again O.o we'll see how it goes. Just wanted to explain the delay and warn you about upcoming delays.

As a side note, I'm saying it's been about 2 months since the Singularity, for the timeline. So it seemed time for things to happen xD

Chapter length: 3065

Onward!

* * *

CHAPTER 15 – Changes

It takes Len a minute to realize where he's at, when he wakes up the next morning – or, rather, later that day since they didn't arrive here until very late at night/early in the morning. He's warm in bed with Barry and there's light seeping through the window, and birds chirping outside. He can hear cars driving past, which tells him he's not at the safe house even if he didn't look around the room.

The safe house is on a mostly deserted road, after all. There's no traffic.

He looks around the room, taking note of pictures and posters on the wall. They are at West's house. Hopefully the detective is not here. They parked around back so the motorcycle wasn't noticeable from the street, and Barry said West would most likely just go straight to bed when he got home, so they shouldn't have to worry about it.

But he smells coffee, and realizes that's what woke him.

Coffee sounds absolutely amazing right now.

His mouth waters. He wants.

But getting the coffee is not a good idea, because this is West's house. For all he knows, this is a trap. So he stays in bed despite the lingering ache for coffee.

But then he realizes he has to use the restroom, and once he's taken notice of the need, it screams for release. So he sighs and carefully extracts himself from Barry, climbing out of bed. Barry reaches pathetically across the bed, frowning in his sleep when his search comes up empty. Len shoves a pillow into his arms and the kid seems satisfied, easily drifting off back into a deeper slumber. Len smiles at the sight for a moment, before the need screams at him again and he leaves the room, heading across the hall toward the upstairs bathroom.

After relieving himself and washing his hands, he tiptoes downstairs, peeking carefully around a corner.

Iris sits at the table in the kitchen, and she's already smiling at him with a fresh cup of coffee. Make that two cups of coffee. She pushes one toward the other side of the table.

"About time," she says.

Len frowns but joins her. "Where's your father?"

"At work," she says. "There was a meeting about thirty minutes ago; he shouldn't be home for at least an hour. Oh, and he _totally_ knows you two slept here last night. Together. In a tangled heap on the bed."

Len staggers, staring at her. "He what?"

Iris laughed. "Yeah, you two aren't as sneaky as you think. He _is_ a detective."

"He didn't wake us…?"

That surprises him, really. He's also surprised the door to the room opened and he didn't wake up; he really must have been tired, but Barry's bed's comfortable, and they _did_ stay up late last night…

Iris shakes her head. "He's not particularly pleased he housed a criminal without being consulted, but Barry's an adult so he can't really ground him."

 _I grounded him,_ Len thinks, but says nothing. Instead he merely nods and sits at the table, taking a drink of his coffee.

"I figured it was you moving around up there," Iris says with a giggle, by way of explanation for his coffee, watching him. "Barry can sleep like the dead."

This is true.

The coffee is good.

"I wanted to discuss wedding plans with you," Iris says, and Len fights back a groan.

"Shouldn't you do that with Barry?" he gripes.

"I need your input, too, dummy."

"Lisa can give you my input."

"Nope. You're stuck talking to me about this until you finish your coffee. So unless you want to scald your mouth, you're stuck here for a few minutes."

Len was right – this was a trap.

"Fine," he mutters. "Ask away."

Iris grins at him.

xXx

Barry joins them about an hour later, as Len's standing from the table, the pot of coffee long gone and Iris giggling. Barry pauses in the doorway, staring at the two of them for a moment.

"Do I even want to know?" he asks, quirking a brow at Len.

Len shakes his head and grabs Barry's arm, leading him from the room, leaving Iris be.

"Where are we going?" Barry asks.

"We're going to get dressed, and then we are going to eat, because I know you're starving," Len says.

Shortly after waking, Barry needs to eat or he'll get a little… unfocused. The first time they had sex and they woke up after, the kid was practically in a trance, searching for food clumsily, body on autopilot. It freaked him out at first, but now he just knows the kid needs a _lot_ of food all the time, especially after certain activities.

Barry doesn't argue. The two dress quickly, and then leave on Len's motorcycle.

After grabbing some – okay, a lot of – Big Belly Burgers to go, they arrive at the safe house. Len tentatively pokes his head inside, but the coast is clear and Cisco's shirt is gone from the couch, so he assumes it's okay to enter now. Barry follows him inside, snickering all the while.

They sit at the kitchen and eat their food in a comfortable silence.

When they're done, Barry zips around the room, cleaning up their mess. By the time Len blinks, the kitchen is clean and Barry is sitting back in his chair.

Having a speedster for a boyfriend has its perks.

"So what'd you and Iris talk about?" Barry asks.

Len sighs. "She just wanted to discuss the wedding."

Barry quirks a brow. "We got out of there in a hurry," he says slowly. "So why…?"

"She was going into detail about what to wear at the wedding, and she might have mentioned that she's seen you in a dress and that you look quite 'fetching'."

Barry stares at him for a moment before his cheeks redden and he bows his head. "Oh, God. I thought I wiped that from my memory."

Len smirks. "So you _did_ wear a dress?"

"Iris was taking a sewing class and she wanted to learn to sew, so she took out a dress that had a hole in it and made me wear it so she could 'work on a living target' or something like that," Barry mumbles. "It was terrible. I was pricked so many times by that needle… Thank God she realized that wasn't her calling."

Len snickers, unable to stop himself. The image of a teenage Barry in a dress is more than enough to make him laugh, but the fact the kid is so embarrassed about it, and the pricking by the needle…

"Would there be any pictures of this?"

Barry looks up at him. "I burned them all."

He snorts. "A pity. I bet you did look quite _fetching_."

Barry shudders. "I'd like to erase that from my mind, thanks."

Len laughs, smirking at him. Barry offers a tired smile.

A moment later Barry's phone rings.

Nimbus has struck again, and the Flash is needed.

xXx

There's a part of Len that realizes this is his fault. Everyone Nimbus has killed comes back to him since he's the one who released the meta-humans on that night at Ferris Air. Barry didn't know how he was going to go about setting the meta-humans free, but he did come to Len in need of help, troubled.

And Len sabotaged Team Flash's plans to put the meta-humans on a plane to some remote island without a proper trial. Barry knew it was wrong but was caught between a rock and a hard place; just letting them go himself couldn't happen because they were dangerous, but they needed to be moved fast. They would have attacked everyone at STAR Labs if they realized that was where they were being held, so they couldn't be released there, and just sedating them and dumping them somewhere else couldn't happen because that was cruel, according to Barry.

So Len offered him a solution.

It meant the meta-humans were back on the loose, but a lot of them at least tried to follow Len's rules – or Rogues' Code, as it had been dubbed. Except Nimbus.

The other meta-humans thought they owed Len for setting them free, and if criminals knew any honor, it was that a debt must always be paid.

Again, though, except Nimbus.

Len hadn't seen him since that night.

But now he's out causing trouble, and he's already hurt Barry once.

And now Barry's out there as the Flash, going up against him again, and Len can't even follow because the Flash is too fast, and he doesn't know where the kid's going.

For about a half hour he sits around the house, trying to tell himself there's nothing he can do, and the kid is fine. The Flash knows what he's doing, and Barry's dealt with Nimbus before. He won't be caught off-guard this time, and if he does, Cisco and Caitlin are both at STAR Labs so he can always run there like before, and be taken care of immediately.

And there's nothing Len can do anyway, because he's not fast enough to keep up with the Flash.

For a half hour he sits there, trying to focus on the TV but it's a losing battle.

Eventually he gives up and drives to STAR Labs.

If Cisco's shocked to see him, he doesn't show it. Caitlin watches him for a moment, before she turns her attention back to the screens in front of her, much as Cisco is currently doing. There's a blinking red dot which must be Barry, and it's moving through the city rapidly.

Len stands there awkwardly for a long moment. He has no place here. Why did he come? He should leave.

He stays.

xXx

The Flash is unable to locate Nimbus, even after hours of searching. Through it all, Len stays put at STAR Labs, watching the red dot move across the screen and listening to Cisco and Caitlin's half of the conversation. There was a body left in an abandoned warehouse – apparently a homeless man sought shelter there and Nimbus got him. Barry searched the place but all traces of Nimbus were gone.

Finally, Barry returns to STAR Labs. By the time he stops moving his mask is off and he's smiling at Len.

"How long have you been here?" Barry asks.

"Dude, like the whole time," Cisco says with a smirk, sticking a sucker in his mouth as he twirls in his chair to face them.

"I didn't find him," Barry says with a sigh.

"We'll get him next time," Caitlin tells him with a smile as she gets to her feet. "It's late, anyway; even people like Nimbus need to sleep."

"Another man died."

"And we'll avenge him next time," Cisco says, briefly taking his sucker out of his mouth to speak. He waves it at Barry. "You took the body to the hospital?"

"I know it was too late but they'll take care of pronouncing him dead and everything," Barry says. "I hate tampering with a crime scene but the police can't stop Nimbus."

Len knows he doesn't want to put West in danger again.

"I'm calling it a night," Caitlin says. "And you all should, too."

Len gets to his feet, looking at Barry. "I bet you're hungry."

Barry smiles sheepishly even as his stomach growls loudly.

Len smiles back. "C'mon, Scarlet, let's get some food into you."

Barry walks next to him as they exit the room and head through the hallways. It's not until they're outside that the kid speaks.

"You didn't have to come here, you know," he says quietly.

Len sighs, pulling the motorcycle keys from his pocket. "I know, kid. I wanted to."

In truth, he had little choice in the matter. Sitting at home was driving him crazy.

"Well… thanks," Barry says, and then there's a warm hand around his wrist, pulling him closer to a warm body. Len leans easily into the kiss. "Sorry – I just felt like kissing you."

"Never apologize for that," Len says with a smirk. "Let's go home, Scarlet."

Barry's smile is warm and pleasant.

The kid waves goodbye to Cisco and Caitlin, and in a blur of motion changes out of his Flash suit and instead into normal clothes – a STAR Labs sweatshirt and blue jeans. The two leave the main area – _it's the Cortex, get it right,_ Cisco told him – and head outside.

The motorcycle drive back to the safe house is over quickly enough. Once inside, Len orders ten pizzas while Barry sheepishly stands off to the side, offering to pay, but if Len can't feed his fiancé then he has no right being a criminal.

Forty minutes later the pizzas arrive and they sit down in the kitchen.

"Where's Lisa tonight?" Barry asks conversationally, devouring his first slice in the time it takes to blink.

Len shrugs. "She does her own thing. She'll probably meet up with Cisco now that you guys are done."

Barry nods, already on his fourth slice. "You didn't have to pay for all of this, you know. I do have a day job."

"I can afford to feed you, Scarlet."

Barry snorts. "You're gonna regret that one of these days."

Len watches him for a moment, smirking as the kid starts on his second pizza. "Never."

The kid smiles at him, all wide and genuine and everything Len loves.

xXx

Len has a meeting two days later.

He doesn't want to go, but as the 'leader' of the Rogues – as dubbed by the Flash – he has to go, according to Lisa. And _he_ is the one who technically offered the meta-humans their freedom; they are indebted to _him_ , so he has to go. It's not an option.

Nevertheless, leaving Barry early in the morning is not something he wants to do.

He makes fresh coffee for the kid before he leaves, and wakes him with a cup before he goes. Barry's confused and tired but accepts that Len has something he has to do, and doesn't question it. Even though he has to know it might involve criminal activity. And Len loves him for that. How did he get so lucky to get someone so understanding?

Mark Mardon is a wildcard Len doesn't want to deal with, but Mick and Lisa say they could use him.

He's been looking for a place to call home for a while now, but hasn't come across anywhere to his liking except Central City. He's willing to work with Len, Lisa and Mick, giving them weather cover on their heists and everything, in exchange for a place to call home. He's even willing to live by their Rogues' Code.

Everyone wants a home.

Len can at least sympathize with that.

Even so, he can't help but feel like he's making a deal with the devil.

xXx

Mick takes care of getting Mark a place to stay, so at least Len doesn't have to worry about that. He can't help but feel like he's failing his team somehow; before the Singularity, he would have been there every step of the way, and Lisa would have probably called him a bit 'controlling' of the situation. Now, though… it doesn't seem to matter as much, and he's not sure what to make of that.

Is he changing? Does he _want_ to change?

Change can be both good and bad.

He's always been a thief; he loves the thrill of the heist.

But lately he's found something he loves more, which can be just as challenging.

He was not prepared for this.

xXx

When Len gets home the next day, after another meeting with Mick, Lisa and Mark, he finds Barry pacing through the living room, movements quick but not quite inhumanly quick.

"What's up, Scarlet?" he asks, and Barry stops long enough to throw him a look of long-suffering.

"Caitlin's leaving," he says quickly. "And I can't blame her because I know it's the right thing to do, but I can't just… I mean I can't believe she's leaving – she's been there all along and I don't know what to do now and-"

"Breathe, kid," Len says, placing steadying hands on Barry's shoulders, and the kid takes in a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "Caitlin's leaving?"

That doesn't sound right. She's part of Team Flash.

Barry nods glumly. "She got offered a job at Mercury Labs."

"And she's taking it?" Len asks, shocked.

Caitlin can't leave; she's part of Team Flash, and she's Barry's doctor. She's a vital part of their setup.

But the kid nods again. "She has to – I mean… Wells was getting funding for STAR Labs _somehow_ but ever since he, uh… stopped _existing_ , no one has been getting paid. She can't afford to stay there if she's not getting paid, so she has to take the job. It makes sense, I just… I can't believe she's leaving…"

Len frowns. "She's leaving because she needs the money? What about her husband?"

Can't he just take care of her expenses?

Barry shakes his head. "He's away right now with Professor Stein; they're doing their last bit of training so they won't have to do it later. And Ronnie and Caitlin are wanting to buy a house together, so she needs the money. Plus he doesn't even have a job right now… everyone kind of still thinks he's dead."

Len's head spins. "So she's just leaving?"

"I guess so. And Cisco… He's going to have to work somewhere else, too, isn't he?"

Len doesn't like the sound of that. If both Caitlin and Cisco leave, then it's just going to be Barry fighting all these meta-humans, and he doesn't like that at all. "What about the Flash?" he asks, unable to stop himself.

Barry shrugs helplessly. "I mean – I can't blame them for moving on with their lives. I just… wish things didn't have to change so drastically."

"Will you still fight meta-humans?"

Green eyes flicker away. "Well, yeah. I mean, I have to, don't I? It's not like the police are equipped to handle it or anything."

"So you would be facing them alone?"

Barry sighs heavily. "I don't know, Len. I'm trying not to think about both of them leaving."

Barry might not want to think about it, but suddenly it's all Len can think about, himself.


	16. Chapter 16: Understanding

**A/N:** Hey, guys, so, uh - yeah, a quick update xD I haven't been to bed yet since I was off last night. I wrote this chapter through the night, on and off, and then went to eat with my friend and then came back and finished it, and here it is before I go to bed, finally. Enjoy!

Chapter length: 3349

Onward!

* * *

CHAPTER 16 – Understanding

Hartley Rathaway was no on the agenda for today, but the kid is smart, albeit prickly. He's heard of the kid, and the damage he did to the Flash, so Len's more than a little wary of him. Barry will not be happy about this, but Hartley seems on the level, more so than Mardon at any rate, and the Rogues _are_ growing…

Lisa set up the meeting despite the fact she's 'getting to know' Cisco. But that's pleasure, she says, and this is business, and mixing the two isn't wise, like he did with the Flash. She says not everyone gets a happy ending like that.

So they meet with Hartley; he's intelligent, especially with tech. It's like having Cisco on the opposite side of the law. Hartley readily agrees to the Rogues' Code, and Len already has a simple heist planned to test out both Hartley and Mark. He wonders if he should tell Barry, but these two aren't fully part of his crew until they perform a heist together and they prove they can follow the rules. Then again, if things go sideways and they _can't_ follow the rules, perhaps the Flash should be nearby to stop any potential casualties.

He doesn't like hiding things from Barry. He's always been as transparent as possible; he's a thief, not a liar. Hiding things from Barry will not end well, and he knows it.

After the meeting with Hartley, Len calls Barry and they meet at the safe house while Lisa and Mick get Hartley settled in somewhere. Again, this should be Len's job, but right now he has more important things to consider.

Barry's waiting for him at the safe house, a fresh pot of coffee brewed and ready for him, and Len sighs happily as he puts his cold gun and glasses on the table.

"You sounded tense on the phone," Barry says by way of explanation for the coffee, but he never needs to give excuses for making coffee. Coffee will never go to waste.

"About that," Len sighs, gesturing at the table. "Sit down, kid."

Barry frowns but does as he's told. "What's up?"

"I met with Hartley Rathaway today." He figures it's best to just come out and say it.

Barry stares at him for a long moment. The tense silence makes him squirm, and he never squirms. He's Captain Cold, and Cold doesn't squirm. But having his fiancé look at him like that is uncomfortable.

"Why?" Barry finally asks, releasing a breath.

"He's joining my Rogues," Len tells him honestly. "He's agreed to our rules, and he's smart."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I don't want to hide things," he replies, frowning.

"You know I can't, in good conscience, let anyone get hurt, right? And Hartley's thrown people off _dams_ before," Barry says, frowning as well. "Not to mention he _tried to kill me_."

Len winces. "Yeah, I know, I spoke to him about that."

"And?"

"And he won't do it again?" he offers, because it's all he has. He doesn't want to let Hartley in for that very reason, but the Flash has fought pretty much all the meta-humans they've come across, and they've all tried to kill him. He's not sure of the story behind Mark's capture, but he knows the Flash was involved and that's enough for him to know there's probably a grudge there.

Perhaps he should have spoken to Mark about the Flash; he just thought the Flash showed up under the 'no killing people' category. Perhaps he should clear that up so there is absolutely no confusion.

But the first one to turn on Barry is the first one getting an ice shot to the chest.

So, there's that.

Barry sits back, sighing heavily. "I don't know about this, Len."

"Me neither," Len admits. "And I've planned a simple heist. I'm not going to disappear for days again, I just thought I should let you know in case the Flash is needed."

Barry quirks a brow. "You know, I'm pretty sure the first rule of being a criminal is not to tell the super-fast hero about your nefarious plans."

There's a touch of humor there, so that's something, at least. He takes that as a good sign. "You're not mad?" he asks, just in case.

The kid sighs again. "I could be angry, but what's the point? We have an agreement, and it's what you do and who you are – I can't stop you."

"You could."

"The Flash could, I guess, but then you'd be locked up and I wouldn't get to kiss you or anything, so what's the point?"

Len smiles slowly. "Thanks, Scarlet."

"Uh huh. Anything else you neglected to mention?"

Len pauses. "I also met with Mark Mardon. Is that going to be a problem?"

If anything, he would think the mention of Hartley would get him on Barry's bad side.

Not Mardon.

But Barry's expression tightens and his eyes darken, and he's got that pensive line to his lips. He sits up, staring at Len. "Weather Wizard?" the kid asks sharply, and Len does not like that tone.

"Is that what Cisco is calling him?" he asks.

Barry nods tightly. "You're going to work with him?"

"I thought you caught Mardon quickly," Len says, frowning. "What's the deal, kid?"

Barry shakes his head, pushing to his feet. "Nothing. Do what you want. I'm going for a run."

And then he's brushing past Len, and Len's staring after him, confused, until Barry's words catch up to him. He reaches out quickly, to snag the kid's wrist, but he's a second too late and Barry disappears in a blur of motion, lightning trail following him from the room.

Len's hand drops back down and he stares at the space previously occupied by the kid.

A moment later he pulls his phone out and calls Barry, but it rings and rings and no one answers.

Voicemail.

"What was that about, Scarlet?" he asks. "Come back here and talk to me."

He hangs up and tries again, and again, but with the same results.

The kid is okay with him working with _Hartley_ , who nearly killed him, but not with _Mardon_ , who was caught quickly?

It makes no sense.

After a few minutes of calling, Barry finally answers.

"I'm at the station," the kid says. "Sorry, I'll call you back later."

Len frowns. "What's up with you, Scarlet?"

"I'll tell you later."

Well, at least he says he'll tell him. That's more than Len had a moment ago.

Nevertheless, he sighs. "Alright, kid, but we _are_ talking about it. Have a good day."

"You too. Love you," Barry says, and then hangs up before Len can reply.

Even so, Len breathes out a reply as he's pocketing his phone.

"Yeah – you too, kid."

xXx

Barry doesn't return home until late that night.

It's after nine when there's a knock at the door. At first Len stiffens; who could be knocking this late? Lisa is asleep after having stayed up most of last night and today, and Mick doesn't knock. Iris wouldn't be here so late, and he can't see Joe coming here this late either, unless something happened at the station which he can't discuss over the phone. Does he even have Len's number?

When he opens the door and finds Barry standing there sheepishly, he can't help but smirk. "You don't have to knock, kid."

"I usually just phase in," Barry says with a shrug as he steps inside and Len closes the door behind him. "But I don't want to suddenly be hungry again right now."

Len eyes him momentarily. "Did you walk here?"

"Yeah."

"Not particularly safe, kid."

Barry shrugs again. "I'm the Flash; it's not like I have to worry about being mugged." A smile crosses his face. "The last guy who tried… Ah, that was great."

Len stares at him for a moment. "You were mugged, and it was _great_?"

"I wasn't mugged," Barry corrects. "It was an attempted mugging. He found himself in his underwear and with an officer standing next to him before he could blink."

Len shakes his head. "Alright – why do you usually phase in here?"

"Because I don't have a key."

He says it so simply, but Len could have sworn he gave the kid a key. Mick and Lisa both have one. Why doesn't Barry? But then he realizes he's never really _needed_ to give the kid a key; Barry usually arrives _with_ Len, not separately, and on the few times he's been waiting here for Len or come home late or snuck in during the middle of the night, he's just come inside so he had no reason to think Barry didn't have a key.

"I'll get you one," he promises.

Barry waves him off with a dismissive hand as he plops down on the couch. "Don't worry about it; phasing is an okay way to enter, especially if I'm already running here. Anyway – I think we need to talk, and I didn't want to be distracted by hunger."

Len frowns, but joins him on the couch. "You left awfully fast, kid. What did I say?"

"Mark Mardon," Barry says with this twist to his lips, like he's eaten something foul. "I don't like him."

"What happened between you two? I thought you caught him quickly?"

"I did," Barry says with a nod. "The second time."

" _Second_ time?" Len repeats, frowning. "What do you mean?"

Barry shifts uncomfortably. "The first time we met, I guess, he was after Joe. Wanted revenge for his brother. Joe shot and killed his brother, who also had weather abilities, when he was going to shoot me."

Len nods; if the guy was going to shoot Barry, then West was well within his right to shoot him, but he knows if it had been Lisa he would definitely be looking for revenge anyway.

"Anyway, after a few close calls, Joe decided to search for him on his own," Barry continues, unaware of Len's thought process. "It ended badly; Mardon took him, and then called Iris to lure her to the coast."

Len frowns; he doesn't remember this happening. At least, Barry had never mentioned it, and the kid is rather protective of Joe West.

"Mardon caused a tsunami to attack the city," Barry says roughly.

Yeah – Len _definitely_ doesn't remember _that_. "Wait – what?" he asks dumbly.

Barry spares him a quick glance. "A tsunami," he repeats. "I ran back and forth really fast, trying to stop it and cancel it out, but – I don't know. And then I blinked, and I was back to the day before."

"You were – what, kid?"

It's all so very hard for him to wrap his head around.

"I went back in time, Len," Barry says uneasily. "I didn't mean to, wasn't planning on it, I just – I blinked and I was back in time by more than a day. Then I went to Mardon's hideout and took care of him quickly because I knew where he'd be, but I still have the memories of what he _almost_ did."

Len's head is spinning. Barry went back in time, _accidentally_. It adds more credence to the kid's fear of randomly vanishing into time again if he goes too fast, and suddenly Len's worries seem all too real.

"So that's why I'm not particularly happy with Mardon," Barry tells him, oblivious to Len's thoughts, to his worries. "But, I mean – if he's agreed to your rules and won't go after Joe again… then I guess working with you is a better alternative to being locked in the pipeline."

Len's quiet for too long. The kid looks at him, all big eyes and confused brow.

"Len?"

He takes in a slow breath. "No more time-traveling, kid."

Barry smiles faintly. "If I knew how to control it, I'd make sure I don't ever again."

But he doesn't know how to control it, and that's the problem.

"Did… _Wells_ tell you how you did it then?" Len asks.

Barry shrugs, a lazy roll of his shoulders. "I've gone faster and everything and I haven't traveled back accidentally, since then. I mean, when I… When I went back to save my mom, I… It's complicated. It wasn't just me."

Len still doesn't know all the logistics of how Barry went back to see his mom again, but right now he's more concerned with the _accidental time-traveling_.

"So did he explain?" he asks again.

"A little," Barry admits. "He said it had to do with my emotional state or whatever. I mean – it was pretty intense with the tsunami and everything, and Iris and Joe and everyone in danger."

All of this is pretty much over Len's head. It still sounds like the kid can't control it.

He'll just have to keep a closer eye on him in the future.

And keep him away from Mark Mardon.

xXx

The heist with Mark and Hartley goes well enough; they follow orders, and no innocent civilians are injured or killed. The Flash stays on standby, ready to intervene if he must, but he's not needed so he leaves as soon as Len shoots him a text.

By the time the Rogues exit the store and pull away in the getaway vehicle, Len's considering this a job well done. Mark and Hartley will make nice additions to his little group.

They divvy up the share, and Len goes home.

Barry's already waiting for him there, watching TV on the couch with pizzas on the coffee table, ready for his return. He looks up and smiles at Len.

All the tense muscles in Len's body relax as he sinks down next to Barry.

"What are we watching, Scarlet?"

Barry shoves a pizza into his lap. "Comedians," he says, looking back at the screen.

Len opens the pizza box and takes a slice.

Barry doesn't ask about the heist or Len's criminal activities.

There are certain things of which they do not speak, and that's okay.

Len's still not sure how he got so lucky to have someone so understanding.

xXx

Caitlin starts working at Mercury Labs a week later.

Just over two months after the Singularity, and she's leaving the group. Len's not sure how he feels about this. On one hand, he can see her reasons; on the other, he hates them because she's part of Team Flash, and she belongs at STAR Labs.

He hasn't been able to think of a solid solution for Team Flash yet, but he's trying.

The police are eying Cisco, it seems. He helped create those shields which protect the police against his cold gun, so it makes sense. He is the tech genius, after all. They want him to join their newly formed Meta-Human Task Force, led by Joe West. The police are eying him, and Cisco's looking right back.

Len knows he will take the job; he needs the money more than Caitlin, he would think.

It's just a matter of when.

xXx

Nimbus is back; there's another dead body and this time Barry is determined to catch him.

Len waits at STAR Labs simply because he doesn't know where Barry's going, and he can't keep up with him when he's the Flash.

This does not make him happy.

Cisco monitors the computers alone; Caitlin is not here. If Barry gets hit by the gas again…

Well, Cisco knew what to do last time. He stabilized him and Caitlin merely checked him over afterward, telling Cisco he did a good job in her absence. So Cisco can probably handle it, but Len does not like the risk.

Caitlin needs to be here; she is his doctor, after all.

But she's not.

So Len hovers, and he waits.

Tries not to flinch when Barry's voice comes through the speaker system, since Cisco doesn't have his earpiece in but is instead using a microphone and speakers to speak and listen to Barry. Barry's found Nimbus; the battle will begin.

He can't see what's happening, and he hates that. He hates not knowing. For all the good his planning does him, it does nothing for him now when he can't be part of the fight.

He wants to head over there and help, but he knows he won't be fast enough. By the time he gets there the fight will be over, one way or another, and they still don't know what to do with Nimbus.

He's not sure what Barry's plan is here, but he's sure he doesn't like it.

Barry's panting through the speakers; he's worn out, dodging the mist.

"It's not working," Barry says. "He's stronger, and he's not tiring like before."

"Just keep trying," Cisco says. "He's like you; he's gotta take a breather eventually."

 _Yes_ , Len thinks, _but so does Barry._

This little chase has been going on for nearly twenty minutes; the kid has to be wearing down.

He pushes to his feet. "I'm going there."

They're moving fast, but they are still in one general area; he's sure he can find them if he hurries.

"Len, no," Barry says firmly, having heard him. "I can heal, you can't."

He makes it sound so simple.

"Not up for debate, kid," he calls over his shoulder as he leaves the Cortex.

xXx

Finding them isn't a real issue; it's easy to see the green mist in the air, even against the night sky. It's also easier to see Barry's lightning trail in the dark. Len follows it on his motorcycle, hefting his cold gun with one hand, parka hood blowing in the breeze.

Barry races ahead of the mist and stops, staring at Len who is coming upon them. There's lightning dancing in his eyes.

The mist forms a cylinder of sorts, and slams into the ground as Barry darts out of the way just in time. Len skids to a stop, jumping off his motorcycle, aiming his gun at the mist. Mist is gas, and gas is a form of matter – the least stable, too, if he recalls correctly. It's where atoms are moving very, very quickly, and his cold gun was made to slow things down.

Turn a gas into a solid.

He takes in a breath as Barry speeds toward him, stopping just in front of him. The mist is reforming, but it's taking a moment; maybe Nimbus is finally really tiring out.

"What are you doing here?" Barry hisses at him. "I told you not to come!"

"Well, I'm not letting you have all the fun, Scarlet," Len says.

Barry glares at him through his mask. "This isn't a joke, Len! This guy is dangerous!"

"All the more reason to have more players in the game," Len tells him.

"You can't heal!"

"You can't either if you're dead," Len tells him calmly.

Barry growls under his breath but is forced to grab Len and speed out of the way as the mist hits the ground again.

Len blinks and he's in an alley of sorts, out of view.

"Stay here," Barry demands as he vanishes in a flash.

"Like hell, kid," Len mutters, walking toward the head of the alleyway.

He's almost out of the alley when the Flash and Nimbus rush past the opening, in yet another chase.

Len moves without thinking as he exits the alley just as the last traces of gas leave where he now stands.

He raises his gun, and fires.

The back half of the green gas shifts, alters – solidifies, and falls to the ground, shattering.

The rest of the gas falters, too.

Nimbus is Nimbus again, in human form, solid and hole, and he's glaring at Len from a few yards away.

Len aims his gun again.

Nimbus rushes at him, mist once again.

Len pulls the trigger; Nimbus dodges and rushes at him.

There's a blur of motion and Len's on the ground a few feet away, sliding roughly through the grass.

He looks up, and there's the Flash – with green gas seeping into his mouth and nose.


	17. Chapter 17: Murphy's Law

**A/N:** Another chapter up quickly, huzzah! I actually finished this before work, but I'm posting it on my lunch break. The next chapter might be a little slower in coming; I just felt bad about the slight cliffhanger (is it really a cliffhanger?). Anyway, here you go :)

Chapter length: 2950

Onward!

* * *

CHAPTER 17 – Murphy's Law

Panic is a cold, raw feeling.

As Barry staggers from the green mist, struggling for breath, Len steps toward him and raises his gun, firing without thinking.

The green mist is caught in the blast, Nimbus having been focused on the Flash and finally having caught up to him. Because of Len.

Len growls and fires again. And again. A long, steady stream of ice.

The mist turns to ice and hits the ground, shattering.

It's over; Nimbus is gone.

So is Barry.

Out of the corner of his eye, Len saw him dart off. He'll be at STAR Labs.

The trek back to his motorcycle is too slow. He fights the urge to call Barry; he knows the kid doesn't have his phone on him when he's in the suit, and Cisco can't answer right now, not if Barry made it back to STAR Labs.

But he can't focus on that right now.

Driving is all very basic, but there's still traffic, even this late at night.

He breaks all the speed limits, but he's a criminal so that's okay.

He's off the motorcycle before he can think once he finally reaches STAR Labs. Moving through the hallways is all a giant blur, but they're unimportant.

By the time he enters the medical area, Barry's attached to various tubes with an oxygen mask over his face. The scene is very reminiscent of last time, and Len grabs at the doorway to brace himself as he enters the room at nearly a run.

Cisco looks up from where he's standing at Barry's bedside, fixing the last IV. He offers a tired smile. "He'll be fine," he tells Len. "It was close, but I got him."

 _It was close._

Len doesn't even want to know how close, or what he's missed.

Barry's pale, lips blue beneath the oxygen mask. He makes his way up to the bed, fingers brushing against Barry's cold ones. The kid shouldn't be cold.

"What happened to Nimbus?" Cisco is asking. "I know Barry wouldn't have left you alone if you were in danger – even if his life depended on it."

Len winces, because that's correct. Barry wouldn't leave him. Instead he'd shove Len out of the way and take the gas for himself, like he did with Joe. It all happened so fast…

He went there to help, but did he really? It seems like he did more harm than good.

"Cold? Where's Nimbus?" Cisco asks, waving a hand in front of his face, and Len blinks a few times, focusing.

"Dead," he says roughly.

Cisco blinks at him. "He's _dead_? How did that happen?"

Len drops the cold gun on the floor, unaware he'd brought it with him, but it's autopilot at this point. Leaving it on the motorcycle isn't an option, so logically he would take it with him wherever he's going, even if that's to see his boyfriend who is currently lying on a hospital bed beneath a white sheet only a shade lighter than his actual skin.

Which is wrong.

Cisco whistles. "You iced him, huh?"

Normally Len would appreciate the pun. Right now it doesn't matter.

"Look – Barry will be fine, okay?" Cisco says.

A part of Len knows that, recognizes that. This isn't the first time this has happened to Barry; it's not even the _second_ time it's happened. And Len's been right here before, looking down at the pale form with the blue lips.

A part of him knows Barry will be okay.

Another part is angry, but he's not sure who he's angry with.

Mostly himself.

xXx

Len doesn't mean to fall asleep, but he wakes later to find the bed empty.

He stares at the empty covers for a moment before he looks around, slowly sitting up from where he'd been hunched over the bed for who knows how long. Barry's standing in the doorway, talking in hushed tones with Cisco, but looks over as he moves and smiles at him.

Len swallows and pushes to his feet despite his stiff muscles. Cisco leaves the two alone and Barry steps further into the room.

"How are you?" Len asks.

"I'm fine," the kid says, scowling at him. "But I _told_ you that; I heal fast. _You_ don't. What were you thinking, Len?"

"I was trying to help," Len says, but that's what caused all of this in the first place. Len is a criminal, not a hero. He's not one of the good guys so he never should have tried fighting a bad guy.

Barry sighs, shaking his head. "I appreciate it, but Nimbus is… _was_ …" Now he looks uncomfortable.

Oh. So that's it.

"You're upset I killed him," Len says with a frown. "He hurt you – wanted to kill you."

"I know," Barry says quietly. "I'm not angry with you – he killed a lot of people, and… and he would have kept doing it. I _know_ that. And he attacked me and would have killed _you_ , so… it was self-defense. I'm not angry; our deal is intact."

Len sighs. "But you're still upset."

"I just… I don't know. I hate that there was no other option. I'm not upset with you, just the situation. Anyway – are _you_ okay?"

Len frowns. "What do you mean, kid?"

Barry hesitates. "I mean – you almost got hit by the gas, and… and I did kind of throw you a few feet away… It wasn't a soft landing."

Len scowls. The kid was hooked up to IVs and an oxygen mask all night, but he's worried about _Len_? About throwing him out of harm's way? "I'm fine, kid," Len tells him. "I've had worse than that in our battles. But _you_ , Scarlet – what were you thinking, shoving me out of the way? Didn't we talk about this once already?"

They did, Len recalls. Barry shoved Joe West out of the way instead of carrying him out of the way so they were both away from the danger. And now he's done the same to Len, and it all happened so fast even Len's not sure there was enough time for him to do something else, but that doesn't stop the anger from stirring. Mostly directed at himself, but still, it's there all the same.

Barry shifts uneasily. "I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't think, and there wasn't time. He was… You would have _died_. And I can't…" Now the kid looks helpless and young, wide eyes and all. "I can't lose you, Len."

Len releases a slow breath, watching the kid for a moment. "And what makes you think I can lose _you_?" he replies.

Barry swallows thickly, Adam's apple bobbing. "I knew I would heal," the kid says. "I know it's not what you want to hear, but I just – I heal fast, so I had a better chance of surviving than you did, and I can't… I couldn't just let him hurt you. I'm sorry for worrying you. Again."

And he sounds so damn _sincere_.

"Don't do it again," Len tells him firmly.

Barry nods slowly. "Am I grounded again?"

"You were never un-grounded," Len says with a scowl. "Now you're double-grounded. The Flash is grounded too."

Barry's laugh is quiet but there all the same, and it's nice to hear. "I love you, Len."

"Love you, too, Scarlet."

xXx

They leave STAR Labs later that day and head to the safe house.

Lisa and Mick are waiting for them; Cisco must have said they were on their way.

They're set up in the kitchen with the cards and everything, as well as a bunch of pizzas.

Barry immediately veers off for the food while Len eyes the table.

"Poker night, buddy," Mick tells him, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

Poker night. It's been a long time since they had that.

Len sits, and Barry drags over a few pizzas to join them at the table.

xXx

The next day, there's a meeting with the Rogues after Barry goes to work.

It's time for something bigger, Lisa says with a smile.

And so they begin planning for a larger heist.

Planning is Len's forte, so he slips easily into Captain Cold.

xXx

After the meeting he catches up with Barry at the precinct.

After sending his text the kid comes outside a moment later, smiling at him. Len smiles behind the helmet he's wearing, offering the kid a cup of coffee, which Barry gratefully accepts.

"Long day?" Len asks.

"You have no idea," Barry says with a scowl. "Joe's working on that Meta-Human Task Force of his, and they've recruited Cisco."

Len frowns. "Cisco quit STAR Labs?"

"No one _quit_ , really; they just aren't getting paid and everyone needs to make a living somehow," Barry explains even if he does look a bit glum. "I'm happy for him; he gets to make all these toys for the police now, on a more massive scale, and they can help deal with the meta-humans."

Well, that's something, at least. "So the Flash won't be working alone?"

The kid shrugs. "I don't know. The Flash hasn't exactly spoken to them about their task force."

"Well, perhaps the Flash should make an appearance."

"Yeah, Joe said the same thing. I don't know. I'll think about it."

"So what's going to happen to STAR Labs?"

Barry hesitates, gaze shifting away. "Wells isn't 'dead' yet," he says with a sigh. "I mean – according to the public. He's just 'missing' right now, from the Singularity. A… A lot of people are missing. Too many."

Len recognizes the guilt on the kid's face. "It's not your fault, Scarlet; you did everything you could."

Barry shakes his head. "Anyway – once Wells is considered 'dead', then we'll see who gets STAR Labs. I think Mercury Labs wants it. Or maybe it will just be completely shut down. I don't know."

"Looks like you're gonna need a new base of operations, kid."

"I have nowhere else," the kid says, frowning.

Len's lips purse behind the helmet. "We'll see."

"I better get back to work," Barry says with a sigh. "Thanks for the coffee, Len. I appreciate it. How did your meeting go?"

Len sighs. "It went fine, I suppose, but I'm not supposed to tell the hero about my nefarious plans, remember?"

Barry smiles. "Right, that. I remember. Have a good day, Len."

"You too, Scarlet."

Barry waves and enters the building again.

Len sighs and stands there a moment longer, before he climbs back on his motorcycle.

He doesn't 'leave' so much as drive around the corner.

He wasn't kidding about Barry being grounded.

xXx

"I found an apartment you might like," Barry says a few days later.

Len looks up from the breakfast of champions – a bowl of cereal. "Hmm?"

"An apartment," Barry replies, looking a little red. "I just, uh – you never said if you wanted a house or an apartment or anything, and apartments are easier to find, and… I don't know. It has a fire escape right outside so I can come and go as the Flash."

Len swallows his bite of food. "Let me see it."

Barry pushes the laptop across the table, and Len eyes the ad, clicking through the pictures of the apartment. It's got a decent kitchen, at least, and the bedroom looks great. Two bedrooms, too, so Lisa can go with them or they could have a spare room. All in all, the apartment looks nice, and price isn't really an issue with a criminal so he doesn't even check that.

"Is this what you want?" Len asks.

"I don't know, I like apartments," Barry says with a shrug. But then he's only ever lived in two houses, and probably more apartments; Len's lived in them all.

"We'll go check it out. Is there a showing soon?"

"Next week," Barry tells him with a smile, taking the laptop back. "Shall I sign us up?"

"Sure, kid."

"And your papers should be by then too."

Len nearly chokes on his food, having forgotten about that detail. "From Felicity?"

Barry nods, gaze focused on the computer. "Yeah – she wanted to get it right as a sort of 'sorry Oliver kidnapped both of you' thing, so she's been taking her time, but she said it should be ready in the next few days. She'll fax everything to STAR Labs."

Len smiles faintly. In a week he could be known as Leonard Caldwell, with a complete history and everything. He won't have to hide anymore, except maybe at the police station – at least for a little longer.

Things are finally falling into place.

xXx

Murphy's Law.

Len should know that by now, but somehow… he thought it would be okay for once.

Murphy's Law states that whatever can go wrong, _will_.

And things go wrong.

Mardon is angry – he's tried to attack Joe West again, to avenge his brother even though Len made it very clear that attacking the detective was not on their to-do list.

Mardon failed, of course; the Flash intercepted.

But now Barry is livid, and he hasn't come home in days.

xXx

Len wonders if it's possible to go through withdrawals when you haven't seen your fiancé in days. He knows Barry's okay thanks to Cisco and Lisa, but that's the extent of his knowledge. The kid seems to be under the impression that Len is _okay_ with Mardon trying to attack West.

He's not.

But the kid won't answer his calls or return his texts. Not that Len texts a lot except the occasional 'talk to me, kid'.

The safe house is cold and quiet and empty.

It's like those two weeks all over again, except he knows Barry's safe.

There's nothing keeping Barry from him right now except Barry himself.

Somehow, that makes it worse.

xXx

Mardon is angry.

So is Len.

It's been five days since Barry was home; they spoke briefly on the phone the other day, but it was quick and rushed because the kid was at work, but he was still angry.

The whole station is under watch right now, especially West and Barry, the kid told him. Because they know Mardon is back and he has a vendetta against West and his family, and that includes Barry.

And that's why Barry hasn't been coming home or talking to him; he's being watched like a hawk, as is West. They're _really_ being watched, with their police detail in the house and everything, or they're being confined to the station and sleeping in Barry's lab. Apparently, they put a detail on Iris before and they stayed outside, but that ended badly and Iris was still kidnapped by a meta-human. So now they aren't taking any chances.

Barry and West are being watched every second of every day.

And that's Mardon's fault.

"You screwed up and lost your cool," Len tells the Weather Wizard. "I don't need a loose cannon on my crew."

"It won't happen again," Mardon says with a sigh. "West was just… I wasn't expecting to see him and I reacted on impulse."

Len can understand that, of course; he's acted on impulse before, everyone has. But that doesn't mean it's okay. Mardon is a loose cannon that he doesn't need.

He's not sure if he's thinking that as Captain Cold, angry that a member of his crew screwed up, or Len Caldwell, who's angry at the fact he hasn't seen his fiancé in days because of this person.

"Give me another chance," Mardon says.

"Everyone deserves a second chance, Lenny," Lisa says from behind him.

Lisa is the voice of reason, he assumes.

She knows what Len's been going through since Barry can't be at the house because of Mardon; she also knows Mardon could be a great asset if they let him.

"Fine," Len says. "But one more screw up and you're out. Stay away from West."

Mardon takes in a slow breath. "He killed my brother."

"Your brother was trying to kill someone, too," Len says. "It doesn't make it right, but think about it. And if you want on my crew, you're going to have to let go of this vendetta, because I don't need any loose cannons."

With that, Len turns on his heel and leaves.

xXx

 _From Barry: This sucks_

 _From Barry: I miss you_

 _From Barry: I told you it was a bad idea working with him_

 _To Barry: Sorry Scarlet_

 _To Barry: Watched?_

 _From Barry: All the time_

 _From Barry: I think I get privacy in the bathroom but don't quote me_

 _To Barry: Sheesh_

 _To Barry: when are you coming home_

 _From Barry: Soon_

xXx

Barry comes home in the middle of the night, darting into Len's room. Len springs awake at the sound and Barry laughs, climbing into bed.

"I have twenty minutes," Barry tells him. "They think I'm taking a shower."

Len sits up with a smile, reaching for the kid. "Let's make it count, then."

"I missed you," Barry says, kissing him.

"You too, Scarlet. When are they going to back off?"

"Shh, no talking," Barry says with a sly smile as he moves lower.

And, yeah, Len's all for not talking right now.

xXx

Barry comes home, for good, nearly two weeks after Mardon's little attempt.

The safe house feels like home again.

"Your files came in," Barry says by way of greeting, holding out a manila folder as soon as he steps inside the safe house. "I dropped by to get them before coming here."

Len grabs the folder and tosses it onto the couch; it is unimportant right now.

Barry frowns. "Len, what-"

The words cut off as Len's mouth connects with Barry's.


	18. Chapter 18: Ups and Downs

**A/N:** I'm not sure if I like this chapter, to be honest. Ugh. But oh well. I'm really tired right now and I'm about to pass out from my meds, but before I go to bed I'm gonna say thanks for allowing me to get so many reviews/favorites/follows :) You guys are awesome! I'll try to do an update at least once a day, maybe twice depending (since my days are skewed since I work nights...) but we'll see how it goes, I guess. Anyway - enjoy?

Oh, and - I feel like this story lost its semblance of plot after Barry reappeared from the Singularity... but oh well. It'll go as long as it goes. Hopefully not much longer; I like writing this and everything, but there's really not much plot, no?

Chapter length: 2583

Onward!

* * *

CHAPTER 18 – Ups and Downs

Leonard Caldwell was born in Starling City in 1978, to a mostly reclusive family. He had a sister named Lisa, born in 1983. At an early age it was discovered he might be a bit antisocial, but he _was_ raised by reclusive parents. At the age of nineteen his parents died in a car wreck, leaving him to finish raising his sister. His grades in high school were nothing amazing, but he did graduate but never went to college. For a few years he worked as a teller at a bank before he quit and started working for security agency, specializing in timing and locks.

Leonard Caldwell seems like a decent man.

Len is impressed with Felicity's backstory, as well as all the small details she has thrown in. According to her files, Leonard Caldwell even has a medical history. When he was ten he broke his wrist playing basketball with some friends; at age twelve he gained a concussion from falling out of a tree. So Len Caldwell is a bit of a klutz, but it's a small price to pay.

Len reads over the papers again and again, marveling at the fact this is _his_ life he's reading about. His new life. A complete history, including all the necessary files – medical records, social security information – everything. It's truly impressive, and he can't quite find any words even though he can feel Barry's eyes on him.

"So, how does it sound?" the kid asks.

He takes in a slow breath, smiling. "It's great, kid. Tell Felicity I said thanks."

"Does that mean they can come to the wedding?"

Len scowls, smile fading. He doesn't want the Arrow anywhere near them right now.

"She _did_ do us a favor, Len," Barry says. "And Oliver's really sorry."

"Have you been talking to him?" he asks, because to his knowledge Barry and Oliver haven't spoken since the kidnapping.

"He left me a few messages," Barry replies, shrugging. "He's sorry."

"I don't want him at the wedding," Len tells him truthfully. He does not like _Ollie_.

Barry frowns at him. "But he's sorry," he says, like it makes everything okay.

Oliver is sorry for kidnapping them; but if he truly felt remorse he wouldn't have done it in the first place. He would have just _talked_ to Barry about his boyfriend, or set up a meeting like a normal human being. Instead he shot arrows at Len and gassed them both, knocked them both out, and took them to his hideout in _Starling City_. Or Star City, whatever it's called now.

The name of the city isn't important. What _is_ important is Oliver is a bit trigger happy with his arrows, even if they're aimed at his supposed friend's back. Which is not okay with Len.

"I'll think about it," Len says, because he knows it's going to take time. Barry still wants to be friends with Oliver, and he can befriend who he wants because he's a grown man, but Len still doesn't want the vigilante around.

Barry sighs and shakes his head. "Yeah, alright. Sure. Anyway – want to come with me?"

Len eyes the kid suspiciously. "Where are you going?"

Barry pushes to his feet from where they've been sitting on the couch. "Just come see."

Len snorts but gets to his feet. Barry's hand wraps around his wrist and then they're moving in a blur of motion.

They stop suddenly on a sidewalk, Barry releasing his wrist. Len takes a moment to breathe and then turns to find Barry holding onto a mailbox for support, looking unsteady on his feet, his face pale. Len frowns.

"Scarlet?"

"I'm okay, just – a little dizzy. I probably need to eat," Barry tells him, blinking a few times before he smiles and pushes away from the mailbox. "We're here, anyway."

"Here?" Len asks, looking around despite how much he wants to question the kid and get some food into him. They're on a quiet enough street with a line of apartment buildings; across the street is a small café adjacent to a bookstore. Simple and quiet enough, really. "What are we doing here, kid?"

Barry takes in a breath, grinning widely. " _This_ is the apartment, Len."

"Apartment…?"

And the conversation from before Mardon's little stunt comes back to him. They were supposed to go to an open house at an apartment to see if they liked it, but sadly had missed it because of Mardon and the fact Barry was on lockdown.

"There's another showing?" he asks dumbly, which really isn't like him.

Barry laughs. "Well, you see – Joe felt bad about me missing the showing so he talked to the landlord and they said they'd give us a personal tour."

"Joe?" Len asks. Joe did this for them?

Barry shrugs. "I think he might be coming around," he says fondly.

Len smirks. "Alright, kid – lead the way."

Barry does so happily, grabbing Len's hand and leading the way into the apartment building. They take the elevator up even though the kid's practically thrumming with energy, and they step off on the third floor.

After wandering down to the appropriate number, Barry knocks a few times.

The door opens to reveal a smiling blonde woman with hazel eyes. She looks nice enough, with her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail and her eyes crinkling around the edges. She sticks her hand out to them. "You must be Barry Allen and… Leonard?" she asks.

Barry accepts her hand, shaking it briefly before he drops it and Len accepts. "Call me Len," he says, scowling. He's always hated being called Leonard just as much as Barry dislikes being called Bartholomew.

"Len," the woman says with a warm smile. "It's very nice to meet the two of you. My name is Amy Randall. Thank you for stopping by."

"Nice to meet you, too," Barry says as the woman, Amy, steps aside to allow them entrance. They step inside and the scent of cookies fills Len's nostrils. Barry's gaze instantly veers toward the kitchen area even though he's never been here; yeah, he must be hungry.

That doesn't mean Len's not forcing him to go see Cisco or something after they're done here. He'd rather take him to Caitlin, but the security at Mercury Labs is rather tight, and a lot of people would question why it's suddenly so urgent to have someone see Caitlin.

"Cookies make a house smell like a home," Amy says. "Or, apartment, I guess. Right this way, please."

She leads the way off to the side of the living room, down a narrow hallway.

"There are two bedrooms and one bathroom located through here," she says, pushing open doors to show them.

Len remembers the pictures he saw on Barry's laptop, but those don't really do it justice. The master bedroom is rather large and spacious; it can easily fit Len's bed, or an even bigger one, as well as dressers and the like, and there's even a walk-in closet he can stash his Cold gear in, and the Flash's suit.

He looks toward the large window in the master bedroom and takes note of the fire escape. The view is terrible, but the fire escape could come in handy. That's partially why Barry mentioned it, after all.

The second bedroom is medium-sized, but it will do for a spare room or Lisa's bedroom. He hasn't exactly spoken to her about this yet; it keeps slipping his mind as something always comes up. He's not sure if she will want to go with them or stay at the safe house. Len's not sure what he wants her answer to be, as he thinks of how often her and Cisco are seeing each other right now.

The last thing he wants is to flee his own apartment because Cisco's shirt is on the couch.

Speaking of the couch, the living room is nice and the couch looks small. She assures him it's just for show right now; the only parts of the apartment that come furnished are the bathroom and kitchen, complete with shower door, sink set-up in bathroom, toilet, refrigerator, stove/oven, microwave, and dishwasher.

He can have a dishwasher.

He hates doing dishes.

And the Flash gets the fire escape.

It's a win-win.

So far he's liking this apartment.

After the tour is over, Amy turns to face them as they stand in the middle of the living room. "So, what do you think?"

"I like it," Barry says, looking back toward the kitchen. He's probably still thinking of the cookies.

Len smiles. "Yeah, me too."

This gets him Barry's attention. "You do?"

He nods, looking back at Amy. "We'll take it."

"You don't even want to look anywhere else?" Barry asks.

"We already like this one," Len says.

Barry laughs, looking at Amy as well. "Yeah, sure, we'll take it. When can we move in?"

Amy is delighted. "I'll get the paperwork; you two help yourselves to the cookies in the kitchen."

Barry doesn't _quite_ speed to the kitchen, but he's just under his blur.

Len follows at a normal pace like a normal person.

xXx

"L _eeen_ ," Barry whines, "I'm _fine_."

Len shakes his head, dragging him into STAR Labs where Cisco has agreed to meet them.

The place seems colder now, since no one is usually here. All the equipment is shut down, including the computers in the Cortex.

It's… an odd sensation, walking into somewhere that used to be so lively and warm.

Cisco isn't here yet. Barry turns the lights and everything on, letting the computers boot up. Len drags him into the medical area even as the speedster sighs heavily.

"I just needed to eat," Barry complains as he sits on one of the beds. "I told you this. I ate; I feel fine now."

Len scowls at him. He knows Barry needs to eat a lot, but he's not taking any chances. Even speedsters can get sick.

"Caitlin's not even here, so I don't know what you're expecting to happen," Barry tells him.

Len shrugs. "I'm sure Cisco knows at least about what's normal for you."

"I don't understand why we're here."

Barry can complain a _lot_ when it comes to his health. Len wonders if the kid's always hated going to the doctor; he must be a terrible patient.

Cisco knocks on the doorway as he enters the room, smiling at them. "Hey, guys – so what seems to be the problem? You realize I'm not an expert on this, right?"

"Len's just being a mother hen," Barry says. "I'm fine. I got a little dizzy when I was running earlier, nothing serious. I ate. I feel better. It's nothing."

"He looked like he was going to pass out, and he was out of breath," Len tells Cisco, shooting Barry a quick glare.

"It could be because he needed to eat," Cisco says, "but I'll run some tests. I did pick up a few things from watching Caitlin, and I _have_ been part of the process this whole time, so I should be able to at least tell you if something's off."

Len nods; it's as good a plan as they have. He has a feeling taking Barry to a normal doctor won't help due to his quick heartrate and slightly higher temperature. They'll try to treat him for that and just make things worse.

This is why Caitlin needs to be here; she knows how to treat the kid. She's the Flash's personal physician.

They're going to need to find another doctor who is familiar enough with meta-humans…

Cisco starts running his tests with various items – a blood pressure sleeve, a few blood samples, etc.

Len sits back and watches, waiting as patiently as he can.

He's not a very patient man when it doesn't come to committing a crime.

xXx

A few hours later, after all the tests have been complete, Cisco looks at the results, attempting to discern their meaning.

"Did you feel out of breath? Like your lungs were constricting?" Cisco asks, frowning down at something on the personal pad in his hands, which has Barry's results.

Barry shrugs. "I don't know. I guess. I just thought it was because I haven't been running a lot lately since I've been trapped at the house and the station because of Mardon; I was planning to start running more, get back into shape."

The kid thinks he's out of shape and that's why he felt dizzy and out of breath. Len fights the urge to roll his eyes, as it takes more than two weeks for someone like Barry to get out of shape like that.

And Len himself can attest to the kid's stamina. He's definitely not out of shape.

Cisco's brows furrow slightly. "Uh – okay, well… I don't know exactly what these x-rays mean or anything, but, uh…"

"What is it?" Barry asks, frowning.

"Your lungs have these dark patches," Cisco says. "I know they weren't there the last time we x-rayed you. Here, look."

He turns the pad so it's facing them. Len can just make out a few dark splotches in the x-ray, the lungs otherwise all one color. He has no idea what it means, but it makes the knot in his stomach tighten.

"What's it mean?" Barry asks, sounding worried for the first time since Len decided to drag him here.

Cisco shrugs, expression apologetic. "I don't know, dude, but it looks like there's something wrong with your lungs."

 _Nimbus_ , is Len's first thought. He says it aloud. "Nimbus."

Cisco looks him, frowning. "Yeah – maybe. I don't know. I'm not an expert at this. I'll give Caitlin a call, see if she's free at all today or tomorrow."

"Make it today," Len says firmly.

Cisco nods. "Yeah, okay, I'll try. Maybe she'll know what it means. We, uh… We might need a sample…" he says, looking back at Barry.

Barry scowls. "Man, that's gonna hurt."

Len winces sympathetically; the kid's body eats through anything like sedatives and pain relievers; he'll be awake for the procedure, as they cut into his body to get a decent lung sample. Yeah, that will hurt.

Len's fingers find Barry's and squeeze. Barry squeezes back, sparing him a quick glance.

"So should I be worried?" the kid asks.

"I don't know, man," Cisco says. "I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this whole doctor thing."

That's not Cisco's fault, Len knows. But right now he wants to blame someone.

He bites his tongue, and blames himself.

If this is Nimbus' doing, since he was apparently stronger this time, then it's Len's fault. Barry was only hurt because of him, after all.

Len closes his eyes and takes in a slow breath.

The image of the dark splotches on Barry's lungs haunt him.

"You said you only felt dizzy and out of breath after running?" Cisco asks.

"Well… yeah, but I ran before and I felt fine," Barry says, confused. "I visited Len when… uh…"

Len recalls.

"It could do with how fast you were running, or how far," Cisco tells him. "Or the fact you were carrying Len with you. Look, man, until we find out what's wrong, I'm going to advise against running. I'm not your doctor so technically you don't have to follow my advice, but…"

"No more running," Len says.

Barry's lips purse. "Right. No super speed. How hard can it be to be normal for a while?"


	19. Chapter 19: I Just Wanna Run

**A/N:** This chapter came out quicker than I thought it would. This morning I had absolutely nothing written on it, lol. But I've been steadily working on it all day, I guess, when I'm not sleeping. I gotta work the next 5 nights, including 12 hours on Thanksgiving, so the majority of my time is going to be spent sleeping... so I don't know when the updates will occur xD We'll see how fast I can spit them out in my one hour of free time, or at lunch or something. I don't even know. Ugh.

Anyway, thanks for the reviews and everything :) They are love :D

An alternative chapter title was: Jogging with the Flash

Fun fact xD

And this chapter is even a bit longer than usual :D Enjoy!

Chapter length: 3400

Onward!

* * *

CHAPTER 19 – I Just Wanna Run

It's surprisingly hard for the kid to be normal.

Len didn't realize how often the kid used his speed until now. He doesn't think Barry realized it either, and he looks awkward standing in the kitchen with a few empty plates, chewing on his bottom lip, obviously trying not to speed to the sink. After a moment he walks toward the sink and deposits the dishes into it, moving slowly even by normal standards.

Cisco sent Caitlin the results of Barry's tests, but so far she hasn't come back with anything; she hasn't even left Mercury Labs, as far as Len knows. He's angry with her, but he's more angry with himself.

They've been home for roughly four hours; since then, they've sat on the couch staring blankly at the TV and the talk shows found there, and they've eaten. Again. Len's not especially hungry so he didn't have much, but he did force the kid to eat; just because he's not using his super speed doesn't mean he doesn't have a super-charged metabolism, and they don't need whatever this is getting any worse.

"What now?" Barry asks somewhat helplessly, snapping Len from his thoughts.

The kid looks so small, standing there in the middle of the kitchen. Len pushes to his feet from where he'd been sitting at the table.

"Let's take a shower, Scarlet."

His fingers curl around Barry's wrist and lightly guide him out of the kitchen. Barry doesn't resist, though he's moving a bit slower than usual, even without his speed. Len wonders if he's just worried about what counts as 'using his speed'. If he was Barry, he might have trouble discerning that, too, after a while.

After all, the kid's never had to worry about it before.

They don't quite make it to the shower, though. They're just exiting the kitchen when there's a series of knocks at the door, and they both look at each other briefly. Len releases the kid's wrist and veers off to answer, narrowing his eyes at Barry to let him know to stay put. This won't take long; he'll tell whoever it to leave them be.

Neither of them are up for company right now.

He's definitely not expecting to open the door and find Felicity standing there, looking terribly out of place with her awkward stance and big blue eyes.

"Hi," she says with a smile. "I – uh, I don't usually just show up like this but I wanted to talk to you and I didn't know you're number and Barry's not answering his phone and so it just seemed easier to come here, and-"

"Felicity?" Barry asks, coming up behind Len. Len shoots him a quick scowl; following Len to the door is definitely _not_ staying put. The kid ignores him, smiling for the first time in hours, and Len can't begrudge him that.

"Oh, hi, Barry," Felicity says with a wide smile. "I should have known you'd be here, too. Did you get my papers?"

"Yeah, we got everything," Barry says, smile evident in his voice as Len eyes Felicity for a moment. She seems to be alone, but she's only carrying her purse so looks can be deceiving. She's obviously staying at a hotel, and she probably didn't come alone.

" _Ollie_ 's not here, is he?" Len asks.

"Len," Barry hisses. "Rude."

"Answer the question," Len tells the blonde woman.

Felicity blinks at him. "Um, well, you see, he kind of…"

"Yes…?"

"He might be in town," Felicity finally sighs, shaking her head. "You weren't kidding about that tone of his, Barry."

Barry smirks faintly. "Yeah, I know – it's like truth serum."

Len smirks despite himself; it's good to have that tone, he supposes. Then he scowls because he doesn't particularly want _Ollie_ here.

Felicity sighs. "He's very sorry about, erm… kidnapping you…"

"That's what I said," Barry says with a nod.

Len rolls his eyes; now there are two of them, great. "Well, you tell _Ollie_ to stay away from us and we'll be fine."

Felicity scowls; it's not very effective, as she just looks like she's pouting. Barry's scowl generally has the same effect. They're like irritated puppies. "Oliver is Barry's friend; not to mention a fellow vigilante."

Len's nose wrinkles. There's quite a big difference between Barry and Oliver, and he doesn't appreciate the comparison. Barry would never shoot his friends in the back with arrows, no matter how quickly they heal.

"And he would like to speak to you." This she directs at Barry.

Barry shifts uneasily. "Uh – well, you see, right now is kind of a bad time…"

Felicity frowns, blue eyes darkening a bit. Worry – an emotion Len is rather familiar with at the moment. "Is something wrong? Anything we can help with?"

"Uh… well… not really," Barry says. "Just Barry stuff, not Flash stuff."

"We're still your friends, Barry."

"Everything's fine," Barry tells her.

Len sighs heavily; he can understand that the kid doesn't want her to worry about him, but she might be able to help, loathe he is to admit it. "Do you know anything about Barry's medical history?"

Barry shoots him a quick glare while Felicity blinks at him in surprise.

"I've hacked into the files," she admits, "but I can't say I'm an expert. That's what Caitlin's for, right? Wait – am I missing something? Is everything okay? Are you okay?" This she, again, directs at Barry.

"I'm fine," Barry says.

Len sighs again. "Can you help with medical issues or not?"

Felicity stares at him for a moment. "It's not my forte," she says hesitantly, "but tell me what's wrong, and I'll see what I can do."

It's better than nothing, Len decides.

"We'll think about it," Barry says. "You don't really need to get involved; everything's fine."

Len wants to smack him. Instead he settles for flicking the kid's ear. Barry hisses and shoots him another glare as he holds his ear. Len stares him down until Barry sighs and looks back at Felicity.

"Everything's _mostly_ fine," he amends as Felicity watches them with bemusement. "We'll think about it. If Caitlin is unavailable then we'll definitely bring you in."

Felicity frowns. "Are you sure I can't help now?"

"Yes," Barry tells her firmly. "Thanks for stopping by, though, Felicity. Tell Oliver I said hi."

"You could tell him yourself, you know. He's just a phone call away."

Len scowls and Barry laughs quietly.

"Yeah," Barry says, "sure, I'll do that."

xXx

"Barry," Len says, gently shaking the kid. "You're going to be late for work if you don't get up now."

Barry mumbles something and snuggles more into his pillow.

"Louder, kid."

"Can get ready in less than a minute," Barry mumbles tiredly.

Len takes in a breath. "No super speed, Scarlet. Remember?"

Barry's eyes snap open. "Oh. Right. Uh, yeah… I'll just… get up, then."

"You could always call off," Len suggests. He'd rather if the kid didn't go to work today; didn't go to work until they knew what was wrong, but sadly Barry's kind of a stickler for going to work. Mick calls him boring that way.

Barry scowls and sits up. "If I do that, Joe will be here to ask me what's wrong."

Len winces; right, he forgot about the protective detective. "We're going to have to tell him eventually," he settles on.

The look the kid throws him is exasperated. "We're not telling _anyone_ until we know what's going on," Barry says. "I'm not worrying them for nothing."

"They could help."

"How?" Barry demands. "They aren't doctors. They'll just worry. No. We're not telling them."

Len shrugs. "Then get in the shower, kid. I'll make breakfast."

Barry stares at him for a moment. "Pancakes?" he asks hopefully.

"Sure, kid."

"Ohhh, you're the best," Barry sighs happily. "Have I told you lately I love you? Because I do. Love you, that is. Immensely."

"You're just with me for the pancakes."

"The way to my heart is through my stomach; I thought you knew this," Barry says as they climb out of bed finally. Then, a little more seriously: "I do love you, Len."

Len stops and looks back at the kid, frowning somewhat. "I know, Scarlet. Love you, too."

Barry chews on his bottom lip for a moment, before he nods slowly. "I'll just – shower."

He moves as though to dash from the room, but at the last second seems to catch himself. He walks out of the room at a normal pace. A moment later the bathroom door closes and the shower kicks on.

Len sighs and exits the bedroom, heading toward the kitchen.

Pancakes.

He's not the best at pancakes, but he figures it has be pretty hard to completely ruin pancakes.

xXx

After dropping Barry off at work, Len hovers around in the parking lot with this helmet. He's torn between staying here – since Barry's still technically grounded – and going to STAR Labs and see if Cisco has made any progress. A part of him also wants to head to Mercury Labs and see what's taking Caitlin so long. Barry is her friend; shouldn't he be a priority?

His phone vibrates.

 _From Barry: you know, hanging around outside like that is kinda creepy_

 _From Barry: are you my friendly neighborhood stalker_

Len snorts.

 _To Barry: you're grounded, Scarlet_

 _From Barry: you realize the police are gonna get suspicious of you lingering around_

 _From Barry: go home, Len_

 _To Barry: you're grounded so you don't get a say_

 _From Barry: I'm at work, I'm pretty safe so you don't have to stay you know_

Len frowns.

 _To Barry: still grounded_

 _From Barry: fine but if you get arrested for loitering I'm not bailing you out of jail_

 _To Barry: Rude, kid. You should always bail your fiancé out of jail_

 _From Barry: I don't know about it_

Len shakes his head.

 _To Barry: Get back to work_

 _From Barry: Is that an order, Captain?_

xXx

Caitlin finally gets back with Cisco later that day; she says they're going to need an MRI but the one at STAR Labs was damaged in the Singularity. Taking Barry for a normal MRI won't fix anything; they won't exactly know what they're looking for. So Caitlin is attempting to pull a few strings at her new job so she can have access to the MRI for herself, and check Barry out then. The earliest that could happen is Friday – three days away.

Three days.

Three days of not using super speed.

Len never would have guessed how often Barry actually used his speed in his day-to-day life until now. Now that he can't use his speed and has to be normal for a little while, until Caitlin can check him out.

It's going to be a long three days.

xXx

At first, Len humored Barry.

The kid walked slow.

That was fine, as long as he wasn't using super speed.

But after nearly losing him twice at the grocery store of all places, Len's more than a little annoyed with the slow pace. After the second time of turning around to find that the kid hasn't turned the corner yet and that quick, momentary burst of panic before he sees him, he's had enough. He grabs Barry's wrist, slips his hand down to entwine their fingers, and hurries him alone at a _normal_ pace.

"What's up with you, kid?" he asks as they walk. "You're never this slow."

"Sorry," Barry mumbles. "I just – I don't know what counts as 'using my speed' anymore."

And Len can understand that – maybe not a personal level, but he can understand how that might be an issue for Barry. Still, though…

"Just walk normally," Len says. "You do it all the time, why stop now?"

Barry bites his lower lip and nods. "Yeah – okay."

And then he does a speed walk. He's not using his speed, exactly, but the pace is a bit fast. Len sighs and quickens his own pace so they're walking next to each other.

It's still not quite a 'normal' walk, but it's better than the slow walk of before.

xXx

"I need to run."

The words are mumbled from the heap next to him in bed at two in the morning.

Len looks over from the book he's reading – _Locks of the Twenty-first Century_.

"It's two in the morning," he replies.

Barry rolls over so he's on his back, one arm folded across his chest. "Yeah, well – I can't sleep because I need to run."

"No super speed," Len says simply, looking back at the book.

"I haven't really gotten to run in weeks," Barry complains. "If I don't run I'm gonna start vibrating."

That leaves Len frowning. Not because he dislikes the vibrating – _because he loves the vibrating_ – but because a part of him didn't realize that counted as super speed until now. No sex, then. Right. He can do this. He can do this. He can-

Barry starts vibrating.

"We can go for a normal jog," he offers with a suddenly reluctant tongue.

Barry stops and looks at him. "That won't exactly work."

"Okay – we'll go for a _really long_ jog."

Barry smiles. "You know you won't be able to run as long as me."

"You sayin' I can't keep up with you, Scarlet?" Len asks, quirking a brow.

Barry shoots him a toothy grin, the first one in days. "Is that a challenge, Cold?"

Len's eyes narrow. "Let's go, Scarlet."

xXx

Len loses that challenge, but then he knew he would.

After an hour of jogging he's hunched over, hands on his knees as he pants, out of breath. Barry is currently bouncing on the balls of his feet, nearly jogging in place around him.

"Can't keep up with me," Barry laughs.

"Yeah, yeah, shut it, kid."

"What do I win?"

"What do you want?"

Barry smiles easily, standing still right in front of Len. "You," he says quietly, and their lips brush together. Len reaches out, fingers curling in the thin fabric of the kid's shirt as the kiss deepens.

Then he pulls back. He can do this. No vibrating. No vibrating. _No vibrating_.

"You already have me," he says.

Barry chuckles. "Alright, then – how about some steak?" And he's bouncing on his feet again.

"Maybe for dinner tomorrow," Len tells him, because he loves the kid but he's not grilling at three in the morning.

Barry sticks his bottom lip out in a pout, but nods nevertheless, still bouncing.

"Alright – what's wrong with you?" Len can't help but ask.

Barry looks away. "I'm still full of energy. I liked our jog, Len, but I don't think it worked."

Len scowls. "No super speed."

"This is gonna _suck_ , Len."

xXx

By the middle of day three, Barry's jittery like he's had too much coffee. Len can sympathize with _that_ feeling, at least. He's pacing nonstop, and it's driving Len crazy. And Lisa, too.

"Just go run," Lisa says, shooting him a glare as he passes in front of the TV yet again. "God, you're a speedster, go _speed_!"

Barry shoots her a helpless glance and continues pacing.

"Alright – what's going on with you two?" Lisa asks, looking at Len.

Len wants to tell her, but Barry said they aren't telling _anyone_ until they know for sure, and Lisa has a bit of a big mouth. She'll tell Iris, and Iris will tell Joe, and Joe will come here looking for answers and _no_. That's not happening tonight.

"The kid and I have a bet about how long he can go without using his speed," Len says. He doesn't like lying, but he's sure at some point they _would have_ had this bet if things went differently.

Lisa stares at him for a long moment. "So you're saying he can't even vibrate? Why do you torture yourself, Len?"

Len stares at her.

Barry chokes out a sound. "W-What?"

"It's not always about vibrations," Len says. "Get your head out of the gutter, sister."

She snorts. "I live in the gutter, dear brother. With _you_."

He rolls his eyes, focusing back on Barry, who is still pacing. "Want another jog, kid?"

"You've been jogging with the Flash?" Lisa asked, amused. "Isn't that like racing, on foot, with a car?"

"Cars are slow," Barry mutters.

"My motorcycle is not slow," Len says.

"Your motorcycle is a _snail_ ," Barry declares, shooting him a quick glance as he continues pacing.

"Alright, enough," Lisa says with a laugh as she gets to her feet. "We're going jogging!"

Barry stops long enough to give her an exasperated look. "That didn't work last time."

"This is a _thing_ now?" Lisa asks. "Jogging with the Flash is a thing. Yes, let's do this!"

She grabs both of their wrists and drags them out of the house.

xXx

Hours later they return to the safe house exhausted, except for Barry who is practically bouncing around them. Len's not sure if the jogging helps, is just amusing for the kid, or if it actually makes things worse because he's always full of energy afterward. At least he's not pacing, Len supposes.

He checks his messages when he gets home, but there's no new ones from Cisco.

Friday is almost over and there's no word, and he's irritated.

Maybe he needs to pay Mercury Labs a visit. He's sure Captain Cold could speed things along.

"That was fun," Lisa breathes as she sinks down onto the couch. "We need to do this again sometime. Like, a weekly thing. Twice weekly thing. Yes! Jogging with the Flash is now a thing, Lenny. Are you listening?"

He grunts something in response, pocketing his phone. "Yeah, sure."

She pouts at him. "You're not fun when you're all gloomy. Be happy. We ran with the Flash."

Barry snorts from where he stands next to the couch. His gaze catches Len's and he nods in the direction of the bedroom. Len blinks at him for a moment, before he leads the way there.

After the bedroom door closes behind them, Len's not sure what to expect.

Barry looks at him. "I need to run. Actually run."

He releases a breath. "Yeah, well, no speed, kid."

"I can meet Cisco at the Lab and he can watch me run on the treadmill," Barry tells him seriously.

Len scowls. "Not happening."

"Len, this is driving me crazy," Barry says, glaring at him. "I need to run. It's been weeks since I actually _ran_ , and then when I _did_ run it wasn't for very long."

And maybe that's why he seemed _fine_ for that time. Maybe running is his enemy here, and Len's not going to let it get worse. He shakes his head.

"Look," Barry snaps, "I don't exactly need your permission."

"You're not running," Len says simply.

"I am," Barry declares.

"You're not. You're going to sit down in the kitchen and we're going to eat, because I know you're hungry after jogging. And then we're going to take a shower and go to bed."

"I can't sleep."

"Then we'll stay up watching those stupid zombie movies you like," Len says, rolling his eyes.

Irritation flickers across Barry's face. "I'm running."

He steps away.

Len's hand ensnares the kid's wrist, yanking him back. "You're _not_."

The two stare each other down for a moment.

Barry starts vibrating with pent-up energy. It travels through his wrist into Len's hand and up his arm.

He tightens his grip and closes his eyes. "Stop that, Scarlet."

The vibrating stops slowly. "I need to do _something_ , Len. It's either run or vibrate at this point, and vibrating is only a temporary solution."

"No super speed."

"I never got _breathless_ and _dizzy_ when I was vibrating with you," Barry points out, and Len opens his eyes, blinking at him.

He thinks back to when they had sex and everything.

Nope, definitely not dizzy and out of it then, except for his need for food when they woke up, but that's about it. The kid was fine; happy, smiling, and warm, not pale and dizzy and leaning against a mailbox like he can't stand on his own legs.

Maybe vibrating is okay.

Barry's fingers curl into the fabric of Len's shirt, pulling him closer.

"Wear me out, Len," the kid says breathily, lips ghosting across Len's.

And then he vibrates.

Len's self-control snaps.


	20. Chapter 20: MRIs and Dinner

**A/N:** I know, crappy title for a chapter... but I couldn't think of anything xD I'm so tired. 4 hours of sleep and I gotta work 12 hours tonight :( Ugh. I'll try to update again soon but it's pretty slow going when I'm working all the time. I try to write some on lunch and before I go to bed, but I won't even be able to write today, so that kinda sucks. Ugh. Anyway, thanks for the comments, as always, and I hope this chapter is to your liking as well :)

PS: Barry's a bit bratty here, but he's been cooped up for a while so he's bound to be a bit mouthy xD I mean - I am after I'm cooped up for a while, especially if I'm worried about something anyway. So, there's that.

Also, HAPPY THANKSGIVING :D

Chapter length: 2744

Onward!

* * *

CHAPTER 20 – MRIs and Dinner

"Oliver wants to go eat."

Len glances at the brunette speedster, who sits next to him on the couch. "No."

Barry scowls. "You don't get to say 'no', Len. He wants to apologize, and he's my friend."

How Barry can be friends with someone who literally shot him in the back with arrows, and kidnapped both of them, is a mystery to Len. Then again, how Barry can date and agree to marry someone who is a criminal and has kidnapped both of his friends at one point… yeah, that's a mystery, too.

Barry has been talking to _Ollie_. Len does not approve, but Barry is a grown man and can make his own decisions, within reason. Speaking on the phone is one thing; actually going to dinner with the vigilante is another matter entirely.

And Len will not stand for it, because it could be a trap.

He doesn't trust _Ollie_.

"No," he says again.

Barry's expression twists in irritation. He doesn't like having the kid annoyed with him. "We're going."

"We're not."

"Fine. Then I'm going."

"You're not," Len says simply.

Barry glares at him, but he looks too much like a puppy so it's not very effective. "You can't hate him forever, you know. He's my friend and a fellow vigilante."

Len's nose wrinkles. "You're nothing like him."

He doesn't appreciate the repeated comparisons of the two, because they are completely different. Barry Allen is nothing like Oliver Queen.

And it's going to stay that way.

"I don't see why we can't all go to dinner. Felicity will be there, too, and you like her just fine."

Len scowls. He doesn't _like_ Felicity, she's just not exactly on his list, and Oliver's at the very top. Well, number two. His father holds the first slot. "Not happening, kid."

Barry growls in frustration. "Fine, then I'll leave you here. I don't need your permission."

If he didn't need Len's permission, though, he wouldn't be _asking_. And if he does try to go alone, Len will do something about it.

Barry's face softens. "Please, Len."

 _Ah, dammit._

Puppy eyes, and that please. Barry saves his 'pleases' for special occasions, as well as that kicked puppy look with the big Bambi eyes. And it's not fair. At all.

"Low blow," he mutters.

Barry smiles sheepishly. "So that's a yes to dinner?"

"I pick the place," Len sighs, shaking his head. "And we are sticking together all night. At the first sign of arrows, we're leaving."

Barry grins. "Thanks, Len."

Len rolls his eyes. "Has Caitlin called you yet?"

Caitlin got access to the MRI, but she's trying to schedule Barry's 'visit' for when there's very few people at Mercury Labs so the chances of people interrupting them is limited. That was yesterday; she said she'd call Barry, but to Len's knowledge, she hasn't yet. He grows tired of waiting. Patience might be Captain Cold's friend, but it is the enemy of Len Caldwell.

"Not yet," Barry says with a shrug. He's trying to look nonchalant, like he's not worried, but Len can see the slight crease in his brow, the way his gaze drops to the floor for just a second too long before he looks back up and smiles at Len. "I guess that means you'll just have to wear me out again."

Len can't stop the smile. "Careful what you ask for, Scarlet."

"Oh," Barry all but purrs, stepping a little closer, "I know _exactly_ what I'm asking for."

And then he's vibrating, and Len's mind gets more than a little fuzzy.

xXx

Caitlin calls early the next morning; Barry's half asleep but answers once he glances at the ID, quickly moving out of the room to have a private conversation, though not going so far as to use super speed. Len sits up in bed, debating on whether or not to follow him, but he allows him a moment alone.

He glances at the digital alarm clock on the nightstand. The glowing red numbers tell him it's 6:49am; very early, for his tastes. Barry doesn't go to work until 9:30 today; they both could have slept longer.

A few minutes later, the bedroom door opens and Barry enters, glancing at Len through the dim lighting of the room, his face barely visible. "That was Caitlin."

Len nods; he figured as much. "What'd she say?"

"We can use the MRI in a half hour if we hurry," he says. "She's sorry to give us such short notice, but it was sudden to her, too."

Len nods, already climbing out of bed. "Let's go, then."

"I have to work, and we don't know how long this will take," Barry tells him.

Len scowls. "I'm sure work can wait, Scarlet. Your health comes first, and aren't you always late, anyway?"

Except for lately, that is. Since Len's been driving him and dropping him off, he's been on time. Even Joe has stopped giving him the evil eye when he drops Barry off at work, the detective usually waiting outside for him, and then he and Barry walk in together.

Barry sighs heavily. "If I'm late or miss work, then Joe will know something's wrong."

"If the MRI turns up anything, you have to tell him anyway," Len says, because that was the deal – as long as they don't know what's wrong, they won't tell anyone and worry them unnecessarily. But the moment they figure something out, they have to tell everyone.

Len's not very fond of secrets, anyway.

The faint outline of Barry's shoulders droop. "Fine. Alright, let's go."

Len is already dressed, but he tosses some clothes Barry's way. There's just enough light for Barry to see the items of clothing and catch them.

After the kid's dressed, they head to Mercury Labs.

xXx

Len hasn't been to a lot of labs; he's not much of a tech hunter, not until he got his hands on a cold gun, anyway. And then he only dealt with STAR Labs and the Flash. Mercury Labs is much the same – plain white walls, smooth stone floors, the scent of chemicals in the air… It reminds him of the hospital, in a way, but that might just be because they're in the medical part of it, with the MRI now.

Caitlin turns from where she led them in. "I've gone over the images Cisco sent me, but I won't know anything concrete until I do a few tests of my own. Thankfully, Mercury Labs is pretty well equipped for a speedster, even if they don't know it yet."

Barry nods. "Alright, what do I have to do?"

"First, you're getting an MRI; it's the only way we're going to get better images of your lungs. Then I'll get a tissue sample."

Barry scowls; it will be painful because he won't be able to have any painkillers or anything while she cuts him open to get said sample. Len will be there the whole time, even though he dislikes seeing Barry in pain.

"You know the drill for the MRI," Caitlin says with a small smile.

The kid nods with a heavy sigh, pulling his cell phone free of his pocket, handing it to Len. Len takes it and steps back, following Caitlin from the room while Barry gets situated on the machine. A moment later the table he's resting on inserts itself into the main area of the MRI, and the whirring sound is rather loud, even from the other room where Len stands watching through the wall-length window.

Caitlin's looking at a computer which starts bringing up images. Len sees the same things she's seeing, but they make little sense to him. When it gets to Barry's lungs, the spots are still there, but they look a little different now, not nearly as grainy as the images had been before at STAR Labs.

There are only three spots, but they stand out.

Caitlin's typing away at the computer, pressing buttons on the console in front of the window, clicking to enlarge images and everything. It's all very confusing to Len; he took a general health class before he dropped out of high school, but he's never really needed it until now. He knows the basics of what to do if he gets shot or sick or something, and Lisa's stitches could probably rival that of a doctor, but beyond that he's rather clueless.

The MRI lasts fifteen minutes. Once it's over and the whirring stops, Barry enters the room. Len hands him back his phone and they both glance at Caitlin, who has printed out images from the computer.

"At first glance, it looks like nodules," Caitlin tells them, showing them the images. "But I'm your doctor, and I know you haven't had them until now, and I'm pretty sure your body fights off tumors and nodules, so that's out."

Tumors. Well, that's a relief, Len supposes; so it's probably not cancer, and he didn't realize how worried he was about that until now as his spine relaxes somewhat.

"Considering these only showed up after you were attacked by Nimbus last time, I'm going to assume they're connected to that incident, but I'll need a sample to be sure."

Len's spine straightens again. Nimbus. This is his fault.

If he hadn't gone to help… hadn't gotten in the way… hadn't needed to be pushed aside… hadn't missed with his shot…

If he hadn't done a lot of things, this wouldn't be happening.

Hindsight is twenty-twenty, after all, and regret is an icy, open and raw wound.

"Cisco told me he advised you to not use your speed until we figured out more," Caitlin says, glancing at Barry, who nods. "Have you done as he said?"

Barry nods again. "Can I run now?"

"In short bursts," she says. "I know crime has been a bit quiet lately, but sooner or later the Flash is going to be needed, and you'll have to use your speed. Try to only use it then."

Barry's shoulders slump. "I need to run," he tells her. "I'm going crazy just standing around."

"It's true," Len offers when the kid shoots him a pleading glance.

"Then maybe you could run on the treadmill, supervised," Caitlin says. "The Flash suit gives us your vitals; maybe try to only run in that, or on the treadmill, until we know more. I'm going to try to schedule the biopsy in two days; think you can last until then?"

Barry sighs dramatically. "I guess," he mutters, before glancing at Len out of the corner of his eye. "You're gonna have to wear me out again."

Len smirks even as Caitlin eyes the two of them.

"So should I be worried?" Barry asks, looking back at Caitlin.

Caitlin hesitates, which really doesn't sit well with Len. "I don't know," she finally says, and it's not the answer either of them were hoping for. "I want to say no because your cells regenerate so quickly, but the fact this is even showing up weeks after your confrontation with Nimbus… it's a bit worrisome."

Barry sighs once more. "So I _should_ be worried."

"Not necessarily," Caitlin says. "I mean – I studied those tests Cisco sent me religiously; these results look roughly the same, just in better detail, and searching for different factors. The spots are still there, but they don't look any worse."

Well… that's something, at least.

Len releases a slow breath. "So, two days?" he asks.

Caitlin nods. "Sorry for the short notice on today, and… for taking so long in the first place. I didn't realize… I just…" She shakes her head and tries again. "When I took this job, I guess I didn't realize it would interfere with me being Barry's doctor, since Mercury Labs has a similar setup. But until I've been here longer, I can't have free, unlimited access whenever I want like I could at STAR Labs. It's just… a change, and I'm sorry for the delay."

She does seem sincere, and her eyes are wide and apologetic, so Len nods.

He doesn't say it's 'fine' because it's not, but he can sympathize with her plight, at least. It's not her fault.

It's his.

xXx

That night they have dinner with _Ollie_ and Felicity.

Len is not pleased; he's sure it shows on his face, but he just slips into his Cold persona for the time being. Icy look, cold eyes, glacier voice…

It's awkward for the first five minutes, no one speaking after they order their food and drinks and the waiter scurries off.

This was a bad idea.

Why did he agree to this again?

Oh, right. Barry and his damn puppy eyes.

One of these days he's going to be immune to that look.

One of these days.

"So, Oliver is sorry," Felicity finally says, smiling shyly. "Aren't you, Ollie?"

"I'm sorry," _Ollie_ repeats mechanically, looking at Barry but avoiding Len. "I wasn't aware you were so… _close_ , with your criminals."

Barry scowls. "Okay, first of all – _we're dating_. Secondly, you say that like I'm close to all of my criminals! It's just Len."

 _And Mick,_ Len mentally adds. _And Lisa_.

"And you had no right to _kidnap us_ ," Barry continues, oblivious to Len's mental additions. "I know you and your criminals are… less than friendly, but that doesn't mean Len's a bad guy because he's a bad guy."

 _Ollie_ blinks at him for a moment. "I apologize."

Barry sits back with a sigh. "Me too," he says, and Len frowns. "I just – I don't usually avoid people, but I was avoiding you. Sorry."

"Isn't this nice," Felicity comments. "We're talking like adults and no one's getting kidnapped."

Len snorts; he can't help it.

The waiter drops by to give them their drinks before he leaves again.

"So… what are you in town for, anyway?" Barry asks conversationally. "Is it something I can help with?"

Len opens his mouth to protest but _Ollie_ beats him to the punch. "No," the guy says, and that's the smartest thing that's come out of his mouth. "We found what we needed; we'll be leaving in the morning."

And that's the best news the guy has given.

Perhaps tonight's not a waste after all.

"What about you?" Felicity asks. "Are you okay?"

"Uh…" Barry says. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" she asks. "Len mentioned something about your medical files…"

And Len _did_ mention it – to _her_ , not to _Ollie_. He doesn't appreciate the fact they're discussing this in front of him. Nor does he particularly appreciate the way _Ollie's_ eyes darken a bit with worry as he glances at Barry.

"Is something wrong, Barry?"

"No," Barry says quickly. "No, everything's fine. Right, Len?"

Len wants to argue on basic principle; Caitlin said _something_ was wrong, and they need to tell people, but he doesn't want the first person they tell to be _Ollie_. It doesn't seem right. So he nods, agreeing with the kid. "Everything's okay," he says. "False alarm."

"Well… okay…" Felicity says uncertainly.

"Thanks for the concern, though," Barry says with an easy smile. "I appreciate it."

"We're there if you need us," _Ollie_ says.

"I know – thanks, Oliver."

Thankfully the food arrives then, ending the conversation.

xXx

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

Len shoots the kid a tired glare as they enter the safe house.

Barry laughs. "Admit it – that went okay. Oliver's not so bad, is he?"

"I don't like him," Len says honestly. "Tonight didn't change that."

"Maybe not, but you stopped glaring at him the whole time," Barry points out.

"Maybe I got tired of glaring."

"Uh huh. Admit it. He's growing on you."

Len's nose wrinkles. "I don't like him."

Barry chuckles. "You know – dinner was good but I'm still hungry, which is crazy. I haven't even been running lately."

"Does _Ollie_ not know you have a bottomless pit for a stomach?"

Barry laughs but then pauses. "Uh – maybe not? I don't think it's ever come up in conversation and we haven't really eaten together…"

Len nods, satisfied. "I'll order some pizzas."

"You're the best," Barry says with a wide smile. "I love you."

"You're just with me for the food."

"And the sex," Barry adds with a salacious twist of his lips. "Speaking of which – I'm gonna need to be worn out before bed. Are you up for the challenge?"

"Challenge accepted," Len says with his own smirk.


	21. Chapter 21: Collapse

**A/N:** Hey, sorry for the delay. I know, it's been like 6 days xD Sorry! I got caught up at work. Somehow managed to hurt my knee, and I've had a bad headache for days :( Woke up today to face burning, tingling, and all the warning signs for a severe migraine, so just kind of dreading when that kicks in :P so figured I'd go ahead and finish this chapter and post it while I can.

I don't really know where this chapter came from; it wasn't planned, but oh well. I have a few conflicting ideas moving forward, so we'll see how that goes.

On the upside, I planned out a few one-shots and multi-chapter stories to go with this series, taking place before and after this story, so there's that, at least :) And they won't all be from Len's POV. This is Len's POV only because it was just supposed to be while Barry was missing, and by the time he reappeared it was too late to suddenly switch it up, but who knows, maybe a chapter or two will be Barry's POV xD Some of the other stories will be, anyway.

Anyway - this is getting long, sorry. Thanks so very much for the comments and everything, you guys are amazing :D This is for you!

PS: Thank you, to **VVK** for being my 100th review! :D I appreciate it!

Chapter length: 2642

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 21 – Collapse**

It's late, and the phone is ringing.

That's never a good sign.

Len's eyes open as Barry sits up, answering the call. "Yeah, Joe?"

Len huffs out a breath, scowling in the darkness because late night calls from Joe West will never be a good thing. There's probably been a murder and Barry's needed at a crime scene at–

He looks at the clock. 2:18am. Yeah, not a good sign. He sits up as Barry ends the call and slips out of bed. "What is it, kid?"

"Homicide," Barry mumbles, still half asleep.

"Aren't you off today?"

"I'm on call all day," Barry tells him with a heavy sigh. "Usually they'd leave it until morning or something, but, uh… it's pouring outside and the evidence might get washed away if I don't hurry."

"Alright," Len sighs. "I'll drive you."

Driving the motorcycle in the rain is not his favorite thing to do, but it's the only transportation he has right now. He could get himself a car, but those don't slip through the city so easily, and he's always been rather fond of feeling the power of the motorcycle beneath him, wind and power rushing past him as he drives.

"Uh – sorry, Len, but, uh…" Barry starts as Len climbs out of bed. "Look, just – Joe said I need to _hurry_."

Len's eyes narrow in the darkness, the effect lost on Barry who is not granted with night vision. "You're not running there," he says firmly, because they still don't know what's wrong with the kid, so if he thinks he's racing there on foot, he's mistaken.

He's lasted this long without running; he can do it a little longer.

"I'll be fine," Barry says. "I'm heading straight to the crime scene where Joe's waiting for me, _impatiently_. He probably thinks I should have already been there by now."

Had this been a normal day, Barry _would_ have been there by now, as he would have raced out as soon as the call ended, telling Len he'd be back later. Back then it would have been fine, too; Len would have rolled over and gone back to sleep. Now, though… it isn't a normal day, and it's not a good idea for Barry to do this right now.

"I'll drive you," Len says again.

"I love you, Len, but I really need to run there or Joe's gonna think something's up."

"So tell him."

It was their plan to tell him eventually, anyway.

Barry trips over his feet on the way toward the door, shoving on his shoes as he moves. "Yeah – uh, not yet. Not until we know what's wrong."

It's the fact that _something is wrong_ that gets to him.

They just don't know what.

"And you're not following me," Barry continues, hand twisting noisily around the doorknob. "It's nasty outside and that motorcycle's not the safest."

Len snorts. "I won't follow if you don't run."

"Len, please?"

And there it is – the _please_ again.

He can't see the Bambi-eyes, at least, but the effect is still strong because Barry sounds tired and helpless. It's quiet for a moment as Len bites down hard on his bottom lip; if he stays quiet he won't give in. He can't give in. Not on this.

"I'll be back soon, and I'll even call you if you want," Barry offers. "I'm sorry – I gotta go. I love you."

Len walks forward to intercept him, to stop him, but he's too slow.

The bedroom door closes before he even realizes it's open, and Barry's gone.

xXx

Len is angry.

Angry with Barry or more with himself, he's not sure. All he knows is they were told not to have Barry use his super speed unless absolutely necessary, and then only in the Flash suit since it can track his vitals. If he really needs to run, he can do so on the treadmill with Cisco watching his vitals. And now he's run off to join Joe at a crime scene – and not even as the Flash!

West expected Barry to be there ASAP; which is understandable, considering West seems to rely on Barry's speed a lot. On a normal day it would be fine, but they don't know what's wrong with Barry. And to save face with West, Barry ran to the crime scene when Len could have just driven him.

All so West won't know what's happening.

Len doesn't appreciate this, at all. He's not a fan of lies to begin with, though lies by omission are more of a gray area than anything… but right now he hates that, too.

He wants to go after Barry – they don't know what's wrong with him yet, and he shouldn't be running, but stalking him to yet another crime scene in the dead of night, during a terrible thunderstorm doesn't seem like the best idea. Even he can admit that. And West will definitely spot him, and Barry will be angry with him.

At the same time, he _wants_ to go after Barry. The kid is still grounded, after all, and he's Len's fiancé so it's his _job_ to worry.

In the end he's saved from deciding by his cell phone ringing.

"It's me," Barry says the moment he connects the call. "I'm okay, I'm fine, don't worry. No dizzy spells right now or anything, and Joe's here, so even if I _did_ feel dizzy, which I _don't_ , he would take me to STAR Labs immediately. So please don't worry."

Len's shoulders relax somewhat. Barry does have a point, though he's reluctant to admit it.

"Fine, kid," he sighs heavily. "Be careful. What time are you coming home?"

"I don't know," Barry replies with his own sigh. "It's a bad one. It's gonna take a while to process all the evidence, especially since I'm not supposed to – you know. Anyway, I'll just, uh… I'll be home soon, hopefully, but don't wait up. Get some sleep. I love you."

"You too, Scarlet," Len replies, and Barry laughs quietly and ends the call.

He still wants to follow him.

Instead he fights the urge and sits down on the couch to watch some TV, knowing he won't be getting any more sleep tonight.

xXx

Len wakes from a sleep he never meant to have when there's insistent knocking at the door. He flounders for a moment, a thick fog settling over his mind, before he reaches instinctively for the cold gun, only to realize he left it in the bedroom since he wasn't expecting trouble. There was a time when he used to always expect trouble; living with Barry has made him see a happier, more peaceful side, and it's making him lazy. He's losing his edge, and he doesn't like it.

The knocking continues, louder and louder. A quick look around assures him it's at least daylight, and Lisa must not be here. Her jacket's missing on the rack near the door, and she would be shouting at him to answer the door if she was here.

Len trudges toward the door and pries it open slowly, carefully. Joe West stands there, looking – uncertain?

That's a first, Len decides.

"Well, well, well," Len says, pushing the door open more so he can lean in the doorway, folding his arms across his chest. "Tell me, Detective, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Barry's in the hospital," West tells him, and Len falters.

Physically falters, which he hasn't done since he was a teenager.

"What did you just say?" he manages weakly, which really isn't like him, and he hates it.

West takes in a slow breath. "Last night got… complicated. Someone broke into the police station. The Flash stopped him."

Len's hands curl into fists at his sides. The Flash. That means the kid was using his speed, and dammit, he's not supposed to do that.

"What happened?" he asks firmly.

"Everything seemed to go okay; the Flash stopped the guy, and then Barry came downstairs to investigate, but he was – wrong. He was pale, and-"

"Dizzy, breathless," Len finishes flatly, staring at the detective, who frowns and nods.

"He collapsed right there in front of everyone. Singh called for an ambulance before I could do anything, and I couldn't just tell him _not to_."

He couldn't tell the captain to not call for an ambulance because no one there, besides Joe West, knows Barry is the Flash and that he naturally has a fast heartbeat, runs a little warm, and needs to go to STAR Labs instead of the hospital.

"How is he?" Len asks, mind racing, heart in his stomach.

 _I knew I should have followed him…_

"Stable, as far as I know, but the doctors keep trying to calm his heart," West says uncertainly. "Cisco and Caitlin are there now, trying to get him released so they can look at him at STAR Labs, but I don't know how well that's going. They kicked me out. I figured I should tell you before you went looking for him."

The fact West _knows_ Len would go looking for him and tear the city apart while doing so, is strangely trusting. It's almost like he might be coming around and realizing Len isn't using Barry. But Len can't think about any of that right now; he's already turning to get his shoes.

"You can't go see him," West says from the doorway, entering the safe house.

Len shoots him a glare. "Watch me."

No one will get in the way of Captain Cold.

"If Captain Cold visits Barry Allen, it's going to raise a lot of questions," West says. "They'll think Barry's under attack and raise security, or arrest you purely on principle. Barry wouldn't want that, Snart."

Len bares his teeth, flashing the detective a sneer. "I'm going."

West's expression actually softens. "Cisco and Caitlin are working on it," he assures him _gently_ , like Len's some frail and fragile _thing_ about to shatter, and the terrible part is he's not far off. "When he's at STAR Labs you can see him, but for now I have to ask that you stay here, and I'll keep you updated." A breath. "Please, Snart."

Len snorts. West's 'please' isn't nearly as effective as Barry's. Barry's in the hospital, and nothing will stop him from going; he's already a criminal, so why should the police matter?

But then he thinks of Barry, and their life together. How he has become Leonard Caldwell, and he will become Leonard Allen, and showing up right now and demanding answers won't help further down the road. Len's all about planning and strategy, and this does not fit into anything. Captain Cold showing up to see Barry Allen won't let anyone forget about Leonard Snart; sure, he wears the Cold outfit with the oversized parka and the goggles for glasses, but he's still pretty identifiable and if he wants to start a new life away from that name, then he's going to have to let Captain Cold vanish for a little bit, until things die down and people forget about Leonard Snart. So far that's been easy enough; on the heists he's pulled with the Rogues, there haven't been witnesses; they've been very careful, with meticulous planning.

But if he goes to the hospital now…

"Fine," he mutters, throwing the detective a glare. "I'll stay here, but you _will_ keep me updated, _hourly_."

Lisa isn't as known by the police; he's been very careful to keep her out of their database and make sure Lisa Snart doesn't have that nasty trail that Leonard Snart does. He can hopefully send her to check on Barry; Iris will at least sneak her in somehow, he's sure.

West smiles faintly – it's tired and rough but sincere. "Thank you. But now I have to ask – did you know about this? Did either of you know about this?"

Len hesitates. Then nods. "Yes."

Barry can be mad at him later, but it's his fault for running around and collapsing in the first place.

West's gaze hardens. "And you didn't think it was important enough to mention? Either of you?"

"Barry wanted to keep it quiet until we knew for sure," Len tells him quietly, feeling like he's betraying the kid's trust, but West needs to know. "Caitlin's running some tests and wants a sample."

"A sample? Of what? What's wrong with my kid?"

The emphasis of 'my kid' isn't lost on Len. Right now West isn't a detective; he's a scared parent, and while Len didn't have one growing up, he can at least relate to their shared worry of Barry.

"A lung sample," he says, the words heavy and raw on his tongue. He can't spit them out fast enough. "He has spots on his lungs, ever since his confrontation with Nimbus. They haven't gone away, but they're not getting worse either. They told him not to use his speed unless he's supervised, because he has a tendency to get breathless and dizzy."

West stares at him for a long moment. "And I made him run," he says, eyes wide.

"You didn't know," Len says, though he's not sure why he's reassuring the detective; a while ago he blamed West, too. But West truly didn't know. Len did, and he let Barry leave anyway, so the fault is his.

West drags a hand across his face, taking in a shaky breath. It makes him look younger and more vulnerable than he is; he's in full parent mode right now. West is everything a parent should be, Len decides – a protective father, a worried parent, a good cop… Everything his own father wasn't.

In that moment, there is envy. Barry's had a good life despite the ups and downs, and he understands why Barry was reluctant to give that up when he had the chance. He's grateful, too. Grateful for a lot of things – for getting to keep Barry, for the fact West has been there for the kid, and for the fact Barry doesn't know what it's like to have an abusive drunk for a father.

"I'll… I'll keep you posted," West finally says, voice rough. "Thank you for telling me. Why did Barry want to keep it from me?"

"He didn't want you to worry when we don't even know what's wrong," Len tells him.

"So there _is_ something wrong…"

He knows it's not the answer West wanted, but he's probably better off knowing.

He nods slowly.

West takes in another shaky breath. "They're working on it?"

"They are. I'm sure when he gets to STAR Labs they'll do more tests."

And Len will be right there with them. He'll be waiting at STAR Labs when Barry arrives.

West nods, slowly. "Alright. Alright. I'll just… I need to get back to Barry. Thank you for telling me, Snart."

"Len," Len says. "Call me Len."

West stares at him for a moment. "Len," he says, testing the name. "Alright. Sure, Len. You've been good to Barry so far. I guess I misjudged you. You really love him?"

"I do," Len confirms with a nod. "I know you think a lot of things about me, Detective, but I do not lie. I might withhold information, but I don't lie. I love Barry, and I will never use that as manipulation."

West hesitates only briefly, before nodding. "Alright, Len. I'll be going now. I'll keep you posted."

"Do you have Barry's phone?" Len asks.

West blinks at him. "Yeah, he… when he's in the suit he can't…"

"I know. My number's in there if you need to call me. Call me immediately when he gets released to STAR Labs, and hourly so I know what's going on."

West nods, and then finally moves toward the open doorway.

Len watches him leave, hating that he can't follow.


	22. Chapter 22: Open Biopsy

**A/N:** I finished this chapter at lunch at work, but sadly had no internet access there, so I had to wait to post until I got home. And since my car has no heat, I had to painstakingly scrub ice off my windows before I could leave, so I'm just now getting home, 40 minutes after clocking out. When I live literally 3 minutes away. Sigh. I hate my car. But it's a choice between a new car, or a laptop, or an xbox one... so... sigh. I don't know what to get with my discount. Oh well.

Sorry, rambling, it's been a really long night xD

Anyway - here's another chapter, before too long :D Yay! And it's even a little longer than usual! Huzzah!

Chapter length: 3240

Onward!

* * *

CHAPTER 22 – Open Biopsy

It takes six long hours before the doctors are willing to release Barry, according to West. Lisa is with Iris, but won't give Len any details save for 'he'll be okay', which really doesn't help Len's nerves any. Neither of them are giving him many details, and he needs to know what's happening.

When he gets the call that Barry will be released within the hour, he immediately heads to STAR Labs. It's empty, but then he knew it would be since Cisco and Caitlin are with Barry right now, where he himself can't be. He knows how to get inside; it's not the first time he's done it.

He waits for them in the Cortex, pacing back and forth which is very unlike him, but he's a ball of nerves and he can't help it. When they finally _do_ arrive, it's nearly eight at night, and they push through the opening into the room with Barry leaning against Cisco, looking out of it. He's pale, too – whiter than he's been since Len's known him.

The kid's glazed eyes land on him. Len's hands clench into fists at his sides as he bites his lower lip, keeping still as Cisco leads Barry into the medical area. Barry has the audacity to smile at him as they walk past.

"Heyyyy, Lenny," the kid slurs, and Len frowns.

"He's, uh, pretty out of it," Cisco says as Len follows them into the medical area.

"How?" Len can't help but ask, because the kid's metabolism eats through everything, right?

"They gave him a lot of – well, let's just say they realized his metabolism was eating through everything so, uh… well, Caitlin made something that can slow his metabolism for a little while, so he wouldn't have to be _completely_ without painkillers when she gets the lung sample, but, uh… so we gave him something to calm that down, then they gave him something to make his heart stop racing, and, well – that's not exactly good for him, so we're going to fix that," Cisco rambles, depositing Barry onto a bed. Then he continues like Len's head isn't spinning. "But it was the only way they would release him to us, if his heartrate was normal, so…"

"Lennyyy," Barry says, lifting his head from the pillow to smile at Len, "I loooove you."

There's this airy cadence to his voice. Len takes in a breath and sits on the edge of the bed when the kid's fingers reach for him. He entwines their fingers, feeling Cisco's eyes on him, but he doesn't care about that. Barry's skin is cold. "You'll fix this?" he asks.

"We'll fix it," Caitlin says determinedly as she enters the room. "First we just need to flush his system."

She starts grabbing IVs and jabbing them into Barry's arm. Barry blinks, wincing slightly, but otherwise gives them no notice, focusing instead on Len. It's this wide-eyed look like Len's the only thing that matters in the room.

After a moment, those eyes droop and finally close.

"He's probably exhausted," Caitlin says, writing something down on a clipboard, and for a moment Len's reminded of a real doctor in a hospital. "He's had a very long day."

"Do you know what's wrong, yet?" Len asks, looking back down at Barry, who seems to be sleeping.

Caitlin is quiet for a long moment. He glances up to see her and Cisco sharing looks. His jaw clenches.

"Tell me."

"We won't be sure of anything until we get a sample," Caitlin says gently. "We'll worry about it then, okay? Right now, let's just flush his system and let him rest. You look like you could use some rest, too."

Len scowls; he's fine.

"Ah-ah," Caitlin says, poking his chest with a finger, "no arguing with me, Mister. I'm the doctor here. Get some rest; we'll talk more in the morning."

Cisco's stomach growls, then, loudly. "Oh, uh – I guess I skipped lunch. And dinner. If I'm hungry, Barry's gonna be starving. I'll go get some food."

As he moves to leave, Len looks back down at Barry.

He's pale, and cold, and it's wrong.

Len's tired of seeing him like this.

This is why it's best to not care about anyone, the cynical part of his mind says. It's just easier without worrying about people. When you let someone in, you open yourself up to a lot of emotional turmoil, and he's not good with that. It's always been easier being cold with everyone.

It's bad enough worrying about Lisa, but now Barry, too…

He scrubs a hand over his face and realizes he and Barry are alone in the room.

He can hear Caitlin's heels clicking on the floor, so he knows she's not too far away.

He shifts a little on the bed, unconsciously tightening his hold on the kid's hand.

Barry begins his soft little snore, and that knot in Len's stomach eases ever-so-slightly.

xXx

"It's as good as smelling salts," Cisco says with a grin, waving a cheeseburger under Barry's nose. Len snorts until Barry's eyes actually open and he instantly sits up, already biting at the cheeseburger. His eyes are glazed, the lids barely open, and there's this look that reminds Len of the hunger-fueled haze which can cover Barry's mind from time to time, after a lot of running, a long day, or sex, if he doesn't eat.

It was worrisome at first – okay, it still is – but Len's a little more familiar with it now, though he tries not to let it happen. He tries to keep the kid fed, which is certainly a task when one is dating the Flash.

After the first five cheeseburgers, Barry begins to regain coherency, actually taking time to chew his food before swallowing. Len sits back, no longer having to worry about the kid choking.

"Hey, guys," Barry says with a happy sigh as he takes another bite of his food. "What's going on?"

"You collapsed in the middle of the station, man," Cisco explains, standing next to Len's uncomfortable plastic chair.

Barry frowns. "Oh. Right. That."

"Yes, _that_ ," Len says.

The kid winces. "Uh – sorry? I didn't mean to. I felt fine at first, and then, uh… it just kind of hit me. I don't remember much after that – what happened?"

"You were taken to the hospital, and they were concerned with your tachycardia," Caitlin says, entering the room.

"I always have tachycardia," Barry sighs.

"Yes, but to most people, it's unusual, so they were concerned about it," Caitlin tells him. "They kept trying to fix it, which only made things worse."

"That explains the nausea," Barry mutters, nodding. "Alright, yeah – how did I get here, then?"

"Caitlin managed to create something that temporarily slows your metabolism, which allowed their treatments to work, and your heart slowed down enough that they were satisfied and released you," Cisco explains. "After a _lot_ of convincing, by the way. Joe can be scary. Anyway – you might feel a little, uh… sick to your stomach for a few hours."

Barry shrugs; he seems fine now, eating and everything. His gaze slides away from Cisco and Caitlin, focusing instead on Len. "How long have you been here?" he asks, but it's not demanding; merely curious, maybe a little worried. He's in a hospital bed right now, hooked up to IVs, and he's worried about Len.

Barry Allen can be very frustrating.

So instead of answering Len just narrows his eyes at him, and it's all the answer Barry needs.

"Oh," he says quietly. "I'm sorry."

"How do you feel?" Cisco asks, dragging the kid's attention back to him.

"Fine," Barry says. "A little tired, and my stomach hurts, but other than that I'm fine. Honest."

"We took another quick scan of your lungs while you were doing your Sleeping Beauty impression," Cisco says, glancing at Caitlin.

"The spots are the same," Caitlin says. "They aren't worse, but they aren't better, either."

Barry sighs heavily, sinking back down into the pillows. "Well… I guess that's good."

"We're going to schedule the biopsy for later today, if that's okay with you," Caitlin tells him, and Barry winces.

"Uh… do we have to?"

"Better sooner than later."

"Are you going to use that metabolism stuff you created?" Len can't help but ask, speaking up for the first time since Barry woke, and instantly the kid's eyes are on him but Len's looking at Caitlin curiously. She created that concoction so Barry could feel the relief of painkillers for a short while, after all.

"I don't have any more," she says regretfully. "I only had time to make a little, and it wasn't even tested before we gave it to him at the hospital, which… I didn't like doing that. I could make more when I go back to work on Monday, but I really don't think we should wait that long."

Monday is three days away; today is Friday.

They've waited this long, but the fact she doesn't think they should wait longer to do this, even if it means making Barry experience the pain…

It's worrisome.

"Great," Barry mutters. "You know super speed doesn't equal a high pain tolerance, right?"

"We know," Cisco says apologetically.

"We'll be as fast as we can," Caitlin assures.

Which means nothing to a speedster, Len's sure.

Caitlin and Cisco leave them alone, then, to get things ready for later today. Len shifts in the uncomfortable chair, his left leg asleep.

He can feel Barry's eyes on him and glances back at the kid.

"You look like crap," Barry says.

Len scowls. "Back at you, kid."

The kid smiles. "At least I have an excuse."

Len snorts. "I do too."

"Oh? And what's that?"

"My fiancé decided to be an idiot and got sent to the hospital," Len replies easily.

Barry sighs. "I'm sorry. I swear I felt fine at first."

"You would have done it even if you didn't feel fine."

And that's the problem.

"What do you want me to say, Len? The station was under attack; I had to do something! I was in the suit, it was tracking my vitals, I was only running around the room… I was being as careful as I could be."

It does sound like he was at least _trying_ to be careful… but deep down Len is angry. Anger is cold and white hot at the same time, deep down, boiling and freezing and pushing against the rest of his thoughts. He's still not sure if he's angry with Barry or himself.

Maybe both.

Probably more himself.

He should have followed.

"Be more careful next time," Len says.

"Yeah, sure, I'll get right on that," Barry says, rolling his eyes. "I don't remember you worrying about me this much before, you know."

Len stiffens but says nothing.

He did worry before, but perhaps not to this extent. But Barry's the Flash; what reason did he have to think anything could take down the Flash, before the Singularity? Now he knows, and he worries, and he can't stop himself.

"Wait…" Barry says uncertainly. "Wait, wait, wait. Does _Joe_ know? Does he know about, uh…?"

"Yes," Len says with a nod. "I told him about the spots."

"Why?" the kid breathes, staring at him.

"I had to," Len replies. "You were in the hospital; he already knew something was wrong."

Barry frowns for a moment, before he sighs and nods. "Yeah, okay. I guess you're right. I guess it's better he knows. Oh, crap. That means Iris knows. She's gonna hate me for not telling her."

"I'm sure she'll get over it," Len tells him.

Barry shakes his head glumly. "She can hold a grudge. It took me nearly dying via giant gorilla for her to forgive me last time."

Len frowns. He vaguely remembers this conversation, about the gorilla. "Well, no hunting giant gorillas to earn forgiveness this time."

Barry snorts. "Yeah, let's not do that. One giant, psychic gorilla was more than enough for me, thanks."

A giant, psychic gorilla.

The kid leads an interesting life.

xXx

Len isn't ready for the surgery. Barry is more prepared than he is, and he's not even the one going under the knife.

It took some arguing, but Len is allowed to remain at Barry's side, though not for the reasons he wants. The patient is usually knocked out for this procedure, but that won't work with Barry; however, he still needs to remain still, as a wrong movement could lead to unnecessary bleeding, and while the kid heals fast, it's just best to not let that happen.

Since he will be awake and aware for the process, he might need to be restrained, which is why Cisco and Len are on opposite sides of the bed while Caitlin will be doing the procedure. Len didn't want to be here to hold Barry down; he wanted to be here to help ease him through him. This is wrong.

"This is really gonna hurt, huh?" Barry asks uneasily, swallowing thickly as he lays on the bed, shirtless, a small 'x' marked on his left side where Caitlin will be making an incision.

"Sorry, kid," Len says, and he really means it. He's sorry it's come to this, and he's sorry it's his fault.

"Not your fault," Barry says, closing his eyes. "Alright, alright – I'm ready. Let's just do this."

He doesn't sound ready. He sounds – fearful. But that's to be expected, Len decides.

"Just think about nicer things," Cisco says. "Like puppies, or Len, or…"

"Got it, Cisco," Barry cuts him off. "Just do this already."

Len's jaw clenches, but he remains silent as Caitlin approaches them with a surgical knife. Len's never been a medical person – he's never been very interesting in medical practices or anything like that, but now he wishes he knew what to expect here. All he knows is Barry will be cut open where the black 'x' is marked, and he can only imagine how that will feel.

Barry takes in a shaky breath and his fingers find Len's, squeezing tightly. Len squeezes back to let him know he's there, and he won't be going anywhere. With any luck, he won't even need to hold Barry down and restrain him; that's the last thing he wants to do, after all.

"Alright, Barry," Caitlin says gently. "You're going to feel a sharp pinch, but I just want you to breathe through it, okay?"

"Okay," Barry replies.

And then the knife is moving, and it's positioned along the left side of his ribs, aimed to open a slice between two ribs for easier access. An 'open biopsy', Caitlin called it. Len looks away from that area; he's never been squeamish, but he's never enjoyed watching certain people in pain. People like his sister, and Barry. There's a difference between blood and blood from the people he loves.

A very big difference.

Barry's eyes are still closed, though there's now a crease in his brow, probably from the cool feel of the knife's edge lightly pressing into him.

"Okay," Caitlin breathes. "I need you to remain still, Barry. Can you do that for me?"

Her voice is gentle and soothing, though a bit shaky; she's nervous, and it shows, but Len appreciates the effort. He's sure Barry does, too. He can't imagine this is easy for Caitlin, either; she has to cut into her friend. At least Len doesn't have to use the knife.

He's never been a fan of blades. Guns are much simpler.

"Alright, here we go. One… two…"

The knife presses in.

Len isn't watching the blade, but he knows the second it breaks skin because of the way Barry's face tightens and his lips form a thin white line. His whole body stiffens, but he remains still, though his hand tightens firmly around Len's. The kid has quite the crushing grip. Len winces but allows the kid to keep crushing his fingers.

Finally Caitlin puts the knife down.

Len's not focusing on what she's doing, looking instead at Barry's face.

"You're doing great, Barry," Cisco says.

"Just a little longer," Caitlin reassures.

Out of the corner of his eye, Len can see red. There's blood along Barry's side, slipping free of the incision as Caitlin pushes her gloved fingers inside. He quickly averts his gaze further away, because, again, there's quite a big difference between blood and the blood of loved ones.

There's a reason he hates seeing Lisa injured, and Barry.

Caitlin does something, because Barry tenses further, and Len can't stop the grunt when the kid's hand tightens once more. It's like he's breaking his fingers. And then the kid's hand starts vibrating as well, and that's a weird, painful feeling which leaves Len's fingers automatically uncurling from the blurred ones.

"Take it easy, kid," Len breathes, regaining control of his hand, wrapping his fingers around Barry's this time, squeezing enough to stop the vibrating. "You're okay. It's okay."

Half-lidded, pain-glazed green eyes focus on him before they snap shut as Barry swallows thickly, Adam's apple bobbing furiously. It's clear he's trying to stay still and keep from crying out. A part of Len wants to tell him it's okay if he cries out; he doesn't have to be strong all the time. But another part of Len is just thankful he hasn't had to hold him down yet. And so he keeps silent, mostly because his voice is lost behind the lump in his throat.

"Okay, okay, okay," Caitlin says. "Alright, Barry, almost done… Just stay still for me… You're doing great."

She does something else, but Len's not looking in that direction. He's keeping an eye on Barry's face, even if he hates seeing the pain etched there.

Barry arches off the bed suddenly, and Cisco pushes him back down as Len's hand tightens around the kid's. Pain-filled green eyes find Len's again.

"H-Hurts," Barry breathes shakily.

It's this terrible, raw sound Len absolutely hates.

"I know," he manages to say. "I know it does, but you're doing fine, Scarlet. You're okay. It's almost over. Right, Caitlin?"

"It's almost over, just a moment longer," Caitlin assures.

There's blood on Barry's bottom lip from where he keeps biting down on it to keep from making a sound.

"Almost over, Scarlet," Len tells him. "Almost over."

The next minute lasts an eternity. Caitlin's doing something, and Barry's side is sticky red. Len holds Barry's gaze as the kid takes in a breath, releasing it as slowly as he can. After another squeeze of Len's hand he draws in another breath, and another, until he's mostly calm.

"Done," Caitlin announces, pulling away from them. "You did great, Barry."

Barry releases a jagged breath and allows his eyes to fall shut, the muscles in his jaw working furiously.

Caitlin wipes away the blood. "Your side is already healing."

There are perks to speedy healing.

Just a terrible downside when it comes to pain meds and anesthesia.

Cisco follows Caitlin away from Barry, presumably to process the sample.

Len leans forward and kisses Barry's sweaty forehead. "You did good, kid."

Barry's eyes open somewhat. "That… sucked," he says tiredly.

"It's over now," Len tells him.

Barry squeezes his hand lightly. "I love you."

"Love you, too, Scarlet. Rest now."

The kid's eyes fall closed, and Len sits back in the chair, nursing his sore hand.


	23. Chapter 23: Knowing

**A/N:** Quick note: There's a prequel-ish story to this called "A Pretty, Painted Picture", told from Barry's POV instead of Len's, which was actually a lot of fun to write. I might have to go and add some Barry POV scenes to this in later chapters, who knows xD It might be way too late for that, though. We'll see how it goes, though.

Hey, guys, been like five days again, sorry xD I don't mean to keep taking forever, I swear. It just happens, especially when I work 5-night stretches and then spend the majority of my free time sleeping, so... xD Yeah, there's that. Anyway, thanks so very much for the reviews and everything! They really keep me updating both this story and the series, so thanks again :) I really appreciate it!

Chapter length: 2647

Onward!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 23 – Knowing**

Len has to leave STAR Labs for a bit early the next morning.

He doesn't want to, but as Captain Cold he has certain obligations, and Barry is sleeping soundly. The chair is uncomfortable, anyway, and he has many kinks in his neck from staying in it for so long. He doesn't plan to stay gone long; no more than an hour, and it's early, the sun barely up. When allowed to do so, Barry likes to sleep in; so Len should be safe to disappear for an hour.

That doesn't make leaving any easier, though. He doesn't want to leave – feels so guilty for leaving, like he's betraying Barry, but he needs to let Lisa know how things are going, and he needs to meet with the Rogues to plan their next heist. Personally, the heist can take a backseat for now, but everyone's a little on edge and Lisa practically begged him to 'come out and play', or Mardon might cause another catastrophe or something.

Len told her that if Mardon messes up again, that's it – he's out of the Rogues. Captain Cold does not give third chances.

But as it is, he leaves Barry at STAR Labs; Cisco is there, and he told him to contact him should anything happen, and to keep Barry there if he wakes before Len returns. Cisco gave him a tentative thumbs up before offering a quick, 'say hi to Lisa for me'.

After leaving STAR Labs, Len meets up with the Rogues in an abandoned building which has basically become their headquarters. Lisa has even started decorating it a little – there's actual furniture here now, even if it is just simple wooden chairs. There's also a long wooden table with building layouts resting on it.

Around it stand the others, all waiting for him. He's thankful he made it back to the safe house first to get his parka and cold gun – all the trademarks of the Captain Cold persona.

"Well, well," he says coolly, "what have we here?"

Lisa grins at him. "Something big, dear brother. Something fun."

Len's heart might not all be in planning the heist, but Captain Cold enjoys it.

xXx

After the meeting is over, Lisa pulls him aside as the others leave.

"So how's Barry?" she asks. "Iris has been busy and hasn't given me an update."

Iris wasn't there during the procedure, Len remembers. She might not know much at all. "He's fine," Len replies. He's not sure how much he should tell Lisa – he's already told Joe, which means Iris knows, which means Lisa probably already knows, too. So if he mentions it to her, Barry can't be angry with him.

"Iris said something about his lungs?" Lisa asks, confirming Len's suspicions.

Len sighs. "Yeah – kid's got spots on his lungs they're worried about. They got a sample last night."

He doesn't mention the fact the kid's body eats through painkillers and sedatives. He doesn't mention the open biopsy, or how Barry was awake for it, or how it felt watching him squirm in pain.

He doesn't mention it, but Lisa seems to know anyway.

"Oh, Lenny…" she sighs, shaking her head. "That was hard, huh?"

Len shrugs. "It's over now. He was sleeping when I left."

"Sorry to pull you away," Lisa says. "Everyone was just getting antsy. Regular meetings might make things go more smoothly."

Len can understand her reasoning. "How's Mardon and Hartley working out?"

He knows his own take on them, but her input is important, too.

She shrugs. "They're okay, I guess. Hartley's a bit of a bitch, but that's actually kind of amusing. Mardon's… well, he's Mardon. He's got a stick up his ass and he's still not happy with Joe West, or his family."

 _His family._

The words echo through Len's mind. He doesn't realize his hands clench into fists until Lisa's hand lands on his shoulder, cooling the rage.

"He won't try anything," she assures him. "We've been keeping an eye on him, and he has nowhere else to go if he burns his ties with us. He won't do anything."

Len nods once, sharply. "See that he doesn't."

Because there aren't third chances, and if Mardon attacks Barry, he's getting an ice shot through the chest.

Revenge is always better served cold, after all.

xXx

He returns to STAR Labs after being gone for two hours; Barry's still asleep, which is a little worrisome as he's been out all night and now all morning. The kid likes his sleep but even so he's usually up and ready for the day by now, unable to stay still for too long.

Caitlin is checking his vitals when Len enters the room. She offers a tired smile and puts the clipboard down – it's almost like this is an actual hospital instead of just a side room in a lab. "I got the preliminary results," she says, chewing on her lower lip somewhat, something he's seen her do more than once. It means she's bothered about something, can't get it off her mind, worried; he doesn't like it.

"Tell me," he grunts, sitting heavily in the plastic chair he's claimed as his own ever since arriving.

She takes in a slow breath. "Maybe we should wait for Barry to wake up."

It makes sense; it involves Barry, so he should be awake for the results. But Len can't wait anymore. He can't. He needs to know.

It'll drive him crazy if he doesn't.

"Tell me," he says again, a hardness to his voice – the _Captain Cold_ voice, as Barry calls it.

Caitlin sighs. "I ran a variety of tests to be sure, and re-ran them early this morning, and they keep coming back…"

"Tell me," he demands for a third time, when she tapers off.

"It's Nimbus," she says. "I don't know how he did it but he left this… _impression_ , I guess, on Barry's lungs. Like cancer cells – they've mutated certain areas, leaving the spots and a deflated lung capacity, which is why he's passing out and getting dizzy. He's not getting enough oxygen, especially when he runs. A speedster needs a higher oxygen concentration than a normal person."

 _Nimbus._

The chair beneath him has become ice, if only in feeling.

He's glad he's sitting, he decides; otherwise his feet might have given out. Instead he sits back with a heavy breath, casting a quick glance at Barry. "I killed Nimbus."

Nimbus is dead, so how is he still hurting Barry?

 _My fault,_ Len thinks, and knows deep down he's right. This is all his fault. Barry got hit that last time because of him. If he hadn't been there… if he hadn't gone to help…

The thing about being Captain Cold is you don't have regrets – not really. He's always sure of his movements and plans when he's Captain Cold. When Len Caldwell goes in to fight alongside his superhero boyfriend, things get nasty for the people he loves. This is why he isn't a hero.

"I know you did," Caitlin says, oblivious to Len's thoughts as she walks around Barry's bed, adjusting an IV and picking the clipboard back up. "But a part of him was still inside of Barry's lungs when you… iced him."

Len nods numbly.

"That part is still alive, and it's attached itself to a new host, mutated; and Barry's a meta-human, but he's not like Nimbus so his body is seeing it as a threat instead of part of itself. I can't change his genetic makeup to make his body accept it or flush it out."

"So… how can we help him?" he asks, because they _are_ going to help him.

And he has to fix what he broke.

He's never been a fixer, but he's willing to try. He has to try. This is his fault.

Caitlin hesitates; the silence says it all. Len takes in a slow breath and shifts his gaze away from the steady rise and fall of Barry's chest to instead focus on Caitlin and the way she's chewing on her lower lip once again. She catches him looking and sighs, releasing her lip from between her teeth. "We're going to have to find a way to… I don't know. It's complicated because right now the spots aren't growing, but if we tamper with it too much, it could get worse instead of getting better. I'm a geneticist, not an actual doctor…"

"You're all we have," Len tells her, somewhat sharply, and she blinks at him, taking in a slow breath.

"I know, I know," she says breathily. "I'm… I'm working on it. We'll fix this."

They have to – for Barry. He doesn't deserve this.

xXx

Barry doesn't seem entirely disturbed by the fact a piece of Kyle Nimbus was left inside of him, and is what's harming him. At least, he looks calm enough on the outside – he smiles, says he knows they'll figure it out, and calmly gets out of bed and stretches. All very normal for Barry Allen, but his eyes tell a slightly different story. They're a bit too wide, a bit too bright, and Len knows the kid's worried.

It just makes it worse, he decides.

Caitlin says he can leave, but she wants to run some more blood tests on him now that they also have the lung sample. She says it can wait until tomorrow, though, if he wants to go home. Barry jumps at the chance to leave, practically dragging Len out of STAR Labs and onto the motorcycle.

The kid's arms are tight around him on the way back to the safe house. Len can't tell if the vibrations in his arms are from the kid actually vibrating, or from the motorcycle beneath them. Maybe it doesn't matter.

They're home soon enough, and Barry merely tightens his grip.

Len takes the key out of the ignition. They sit there for a long time, in the cloudy afternoon air. Eventually, Barry sighs and releases him, slim arms falling away, and they climb off the motorcycle. Lisa is in the living room when they enter; she looks up as they step inside, and grabs the remote, muting the TV before giving them her full attention.

"How'd it go?" she asks, quirking a brow, obviously not expecting to see them today.

"It's fine," Barry says immediately. "But I think I'm going to shower and get all this stuff off me."

As he walks out of the room, Lisa frowns at Len. "Stuff?"

Len shrugs, dropping heavily onto the couch. "Stuff from the IVs, there's still a marker on him, etc."

She nods. "Right, so, yeah – a shower is in order. You look like you could use one too."

He scowls at her. "Are you telling me I look bad? You just saw me this morning."

She snorts. "You looked shitty then, too. No offense, Lenny."

He rolls his eyes.

"Maybe you should shower with him," Lisa suggests.

It wouldn't be the first time they've showered together, but Len's not sure about it today. Barry's still healing quickly, so there's no mark of what happened to him yesterday, but a part of Len feels like that is the issue. He needs the reminder of what happened; Barry's body just erased everything and is a blank canvas again, save for the small 'x' still on his skin from the black marker. Even though it was sliced open yesterday, not even twenty-four hours ago, the 'x' is somehow all that remains.

But then he thinks of Barry's arms around him on the ride here. Maybe Barry doesn't want to be alone any more than Len does.

So he nods and takes his sister's advice. She unmutes the TV as he exits the room, walking down the small hallway toward the bathroom. He can hear water running through the door; hopefully Barry didn't lock it like he sometimes does when they have company. Lisa walked in on him once and since then he's been skittish whenever she or Mick are here when he's showering.

He tests the knob; it twists in his grasp, and he pushes the door open. Barry isn't showering yet; instead he's got the bath faucet running and is kneeling next to the tub, testing the temperature of the water. He hasn't heard Len enter, it seems. A second later, after adjusting the dials one last time, he stands and turns on the shower spray, clad only in his pants at the moment.

Len closes the door behind him. The quiet 'snap' it makes leaves Barry spinning to face him, eyes wide. He must have been deep in thought to not have noticed until now; normally he seems to have a sixth sense for that kind of thing.

"Hey, kid," Len says. "Want company?"

If he says no, Len will leave. Barry might be feeling a bit overwhelmed after the past few days – past few weeks – so if he wants a little alone time, that's okay. Len is willing to give it to him.

But the kid merely smiles at him. "If you're offering," he says.

He nods, and steps closer. The shower spray taps against the shower curtain, partially open. If they don't hurry, they will be having a cold shower. Sighing, he grips the bottom of his shirt and pulls it over his head, letting it drop soundlessly to the floor. Barry smiles again, gaze tracing the lines up Len's arms and over his shoulders, onto his back.

Barry has always enjoyed Len's tattoos. To Len they were just something to pass the time, something he could control even when everything else in his life was spiraling out of control. What he did with his body was all up to him. A primal part of him enjoyed that feeling of control, and then he became attached to the lines in a way he wasn't expecting. Some of the tattoos have meaning, but a lot of them he got when he could get to a local tattoo parlor where he wouldn't be recognized, after laying low from a heist for a time. After a successful heist, he liked to add a bit to the design, until multiple tattoos became one very large series of lines and designs.

And Barry likes to trace them with his hands when they are alone in bed, or sitting on the couch. In fact, it's how Lisa originally caught them together, Len remembers with a smirk.

"See something you like, kid?" he asks.

Barry's smile grows somewhat, eyes twinkling. "Oh, I like very much. Turn around."

Once upon a time, Len wouldn't have done as he asked. Once upon a time, he hated having his back to anyone except Lisa. If he couldn't trust them to have his back in a fight, then they had no business being behind him. But Barry was different; Barry would always be different.

So he turns.

Barry's fingers are light and warm against his back, tracing the outlines. A familiar routine, soothing in its own way.

Then the kid stops. "We should, uh – shower."

It's a good idea, if they don't want a cold shower. But that doesn't mean Len's pleased at the lack of contact. Who knew his back was so sensitive?

He turns and they finish undressing, throwing their clothes in a rumpled pile on the floor before stepping into the shower and under the warm spray of water.

Even beneath the spray, Barry's tense.

"Hey – Scarlet."

Barry takes in a slow breath and turns to partially face him, damp hair dipping toward his downcast eyes.

"We'll fix this," Len assures him quietly, something he's not used to doing.

He's not usually the 'reassuring' type.

"Yeah?" Barry asks, dragging his gaze up to look at him.

Len nods firmly. "Yeah, we'll fix this, Scarlet."

 _I won't let you down again._


	24. Chapter 24: A Punny Procedure

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay again, guys. I've been working on prequel story things, like _A Pretty, Painted Picture_ and _Last Call for Sin_. I've got some more planned, too :) So there's that. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews and everything, you guys are so awesome!

Chapter length: 3961

Onward!

* * *

CHAPTER 24 – A Punny Procedure

"We're going to have to cut them out," Caitlin says, apologetically, the next day.

Barry stares at her, pale.

Len probably looks just the same.

It was bad enough getting the sample; how's it going to be when she has to literally cut him open and physically remove the spots? Len doesn't want to remember the twisted look of pain on the kid's face, or how much it will happen when Caitlin does this.

"No," Barry says shakily. "Nope. I'll live with them."

Len shoots him a quick look, but he can understand where the kid's coming from so he can't be too angry.

"Barry," Caitlin says slowly, ever the voice of reason, "you're not getting enough oxygen to use your super speed because of these spots. So it's either we cut them out and you heal, or you stop being the Flash and quit using your speed. What's your choice?"

An ultimatum. Len's been a fan of ultimatums in the past; they make things much simpler at times. Right now, though, he despises them. Hates them because of the wide-eyed look on Barry's face; hates them because of the way the kid's breath catches in his throat as he stares at Caitlin like she's just murdered ten puppies.

"Stop being the Flash?" Barry repeats quietly. "No, I – I can't do that. I… I love being the Flash."

There's a lack of conviction in his voice, though, which leaves Len frowning at him. He knows the kid loves being the Flash – the kid's all _about_ being the Flash, he lives and breathes it and does it so well. But now there's a flicker of doubt in his tone that Caitlin and Cisco both seem to be missing, but it's evident to Len. Entirely too obvious.

 _We're talking about this at home, kid._

"Then we have to do this, dude," Cisco says sympathetically, clapping a hand down on Barry's shoulder. "I'm sorry, man."

Barry's teeth catch his lower lip and chew for a moment, before he sighs. "Just… Just let me think about it."

"What's to think about?" Cisco asks, eyes widening, but it's just as Len suspected.

Len pushes to his feet. "He's given you his answer. He'll think about it, and we'll get back to you. Come on, Scarlet – we're leaving."

"Leaving?" Barry repeats, and Len nods, snatching his arm and hauling the kid to his feet. They need to discuss things, privately, and Barry just seems like he needs to get out of here for a while, after being given the ultimatum.

"Leaving," Len says firmly, daring Cisco or Caitlin to argue. Cisco puts his hands up defensively and backs off; Caitlin quirks a brow but says nothing, and they move past the two of them toward the doorway.

Barry doesn't say a word as they leave STAR Labs, and Len's not sure what to think of that, really.

The drive back to the safe house is ridden in engine-filled silence, Barry's arms tight around Len's waist, all agile warmth flush against his back. Those arms untangle as Len pulls the key from the ignition and they climb off the bike. Silently, they march into the safe house. It's empty, dark and quiet inside; Lisa isn't here, and the all the curtains are drawn shut.

Len flips a switch, bathing them in light.

"Alright, kid," he says, eying said kid, "spit it out."

Barry frowns at him. "Huh? What do you mean?"

Len snorts. "You've got that whole wounded puppy thing going for you, and what's this about you not wanting to be the Flash?"

"I never said that," Barry says thickly, eyes wide.

"You didn't have to," Len tells him, sighing. "So spill, Scarlet; what's wrong?"

"I just… I don't know…"

"You know. Tell me."

Barry's silent for a long time, looking down at his hands as he sits heavily on the couch. Len stands next to him for a beat, before joining him so they're on equal footing, so to speak.

Finally, the kid sighs.

"I just… Being the Flash is what caused the Singularity in the first place, and… and everything. It's what made Wells, or _Eobard_ I guess, go back in time in the first place. The Flash has just… I mean…"

Len frowns. "You're blaming yourself for the Singularity, and everything this Eobard guy did?"

"Well, I mean – he did it because of _me_ , right? So it's my fault."

Len shakes his head. "No, kid, it's not. You're not to blame for someone else's decisions."

If there's one thing Len knows for certain, it's that. It's a basic fact of life.

"He came back here to kill me," Barry says, running a hand down his face. "Instead he killed my mom because future me followed him back to stop him. So it's my fault; in the future, I did something that set him off so much that he thought traveling back in time to kill me was the answer."

The more Len hears of this Eobard guy, the less he likes. His frown deepens, lips twitching downward.

"So if I was never the Flash…"

"But you are the Flash," Len tells him, "and you enjoy it. I know you do."

"I do," Barry says. "I lost my powers once, did I tell you that?"

Len shakes his head, but the kid's not looking at him, instead focused solely on the ground. "No, you didn't."

"We called him Blackout," Barry tells him. "Long story short, he temporarily stole my powers from me; some kind of mental block, I guess, I don't know. I got them back, obviously. But for a while, I was powerless, defenseless – just back to normal, boring Barry Allen."

"Barry Allen is not boring," Len says, as he's said before. "I happen to like him a lot."

Barry glances at him, briefly, before returning his focus back to the ground. "Back then, I couldn't imagine life without my powers – wasn't sure if I could do it, because I absolutely loved being the Flash. Everything about it – wind and power rushing past my face, running hundreds of miles per hour… saving people… I loved it all."

"And now?" Len asks.

"Now I just… I still love it. I get a thrill; it's… amazing. There's no feeling like it in the world," Barry tells him adamantly. "I love it. I love being the Flash, I just… I don't know if I _should_."

"You don't know if you deserve it," Len says, and the kid nods.

If there's one thing Len's certain of, it's that Barry is the most pure-hearted person he's ever met. He definitely deserves to be the Flash, deserves to want to be the Flash, deserves to love it. If anyone does, it's him.

"You deserve it, Scarlet," he tells him seriously. "Look at me."

It takes a second, but Barry's eyes lift from the ground to instead focus on him.

He holds the speedster's gaze for a long moment. "If anyone deserves to be the Flash, it's you. If anyone else had gotten those powers, they wouldn't have become a superhero."

Barry scoffs. "Anyone could have done it."

"You're wrong, kid. If I had gotten those powers, I would have been the best criminal in the world, but still a criminal."

Barry frowns. "There's good in you."

Len shrugs. "Be that as it may, I am what I am. I know who I am. I know what I would have done if I'd woken with those fancy powers of yours. You, on the other hand – the first thing you did with them was try and help people. That says a lot about the type of person you are, Barry, and quite frankly I like that person a lot."

Barry stares at him for a long time, before a slow smile slips across his face. "Thanks, Len. I love you."

"You too, kid," Len says with his own smile. "So are you going to let them fix you, or not?"

Barry's smile falters. "I mean – yeah, I guess I have to, don't I? If I want to keep being the Flash, which I _do_. I just… this is really going to hurt, Len."

"I'll be with you," Len says.

"Thanks. That helps."

And then the kid sinks into his side, and they sit there together on the couch for a long while.

xXx

The procedure is scheduled for the following day, after Barry gets back with them.

The good news is Caitlin has managed to make some more of that concoction she used on him at the hospital, which slows down his greedy metabolism. The bad news is there's no guarantee how long it will last, or if it will even work well enough for them to give him painkillers.

They can't knock him out in case he has a bad reaction, and they need to know how his pain levels are so he needs to be awake to tell them. That's also a downside.

Caitlin feeds the IV into Barry's arm, injecting him with her concoction. Barry lays on the medical bed in STAR Labs, left foot tapping nervously, nearly vibrating. Len sits next to him in that uncomfortable plastic chair while Cisco pushes the equipment into the room.

"Give this a few minutes to kick in," Caitlin tells them. "You're going to feel buzzed, Barry. It's perfectly fine."

Barry nods, shooting Len a quick look.

Len squeezes the kid's hand reassuringly. It's all he can do at the moment; he's too busy trying to swallow around the lump in his throat as his gaze skitters toward the equipment Cisco's just wheeled in on a moveable tray. There's a _rib spreader_ there.

Caitlin notices his gaze. "We have to go through the ribs to get to the lungs, since we need to actually cut the spots out," she tells him apologetically.

"Fuck," Barry breathes, hand tightening around Len's.

Len squeezes back, unable to find his voice in that moment.

This is going to be bloody, and painful, even with the slowed metabolism and painkillers. He's not squeamish by any meaning of the word, but this isn't just some random person's body, or random person's blood – it's _Barry_ , and that makes all the difference.

Len's never ran away before, though, and he's not going to start now.

He's going to be here from beginning to end, no matter what happens, and he needs Barry to know that because the kid's got this look in his eyes now, as their eyes meet.

"Chill out, kid," he says as calmly as he can – it sounds perfectly normal, for which he's grateful.

Barry draws in a slow breath. "The puns again, really?"

"It'll be over in a flash."

"You're terrible," Barry says, but he's smiling faintly.

"No need for the cold shoulder."

Barry chuckles, eyelids drooping somewhat. The concoction must be kicking in, then. Well, that's good, Len supposes. So why, then, is there a knot in his stomach at the realization it's working? Maybe because that means they're that much closer to cutting him open and using a _rib spreader_.

"How are you feeling, Barry?" Caitlin asks, noticing the same thing as Len.

" 'm good," Barry tells her drowsily.

"Good. I'm going to give you the painkillers now, okay?"

" 'kay."

Caitlin moves toward the IV again. Barry squeezes Len's hand, causing his eyes to leave Caitlin and instead travel back down to the shirtless speedster.

"Love you," Barry says with a goofy smile.

Len draws in a breath. He's not sure what to do with buzzed Barry.

"Don' go?" the kid asks sleepily.

"Not going anywhere, Scarlet," Len tells him.

Barry nods, seemingly satisfied, and his eyes fall closed.

He's sleepy, drowsy and probably feeling good, especially as the painkillers kick in, but it's not enough to render him unconscious. He needs to be awake, after all.

"Barry, still feeling okay?" Cisco asks from Barry's other side, the side Caitlin's on as well.

"Mm," Barry replies.

"Alright, I'm going to start now, okay? I need you to just relax. No sudden movements," Caitlin tells him, and then gives Len and Cisco a pointed look. Cisco nods while Len merely clenches his jaw.

She wants them to hold him down if need be. Hopefully it won't come to that.

Caitlin approaches the tray with the equipment, and picks something up. Len doesn't look, instead attempting to relax his posture since Barry can probably feel it in his hand, even if his eyes aren't open to properly see Len.

Caitlin steps up to Cisco's side. She brings a blade to the small black lines etched across Barry's exposed chest, and she presses the tip against the skin. The flesh indents before giving way, blood spilling from the new cut along the black line, and Len looks away, up toward Barry's face.

There's a crease in Barry's brow, but he's not moving or making a sound, though Len knows he's awake.

He tries not to focus too much on the blood, or Caitlin's movements. Instead he squeezes the kid's hands when his lips pull back in a pained expression, but still he doesn't make a sound. His eyes open and lock onto Len's, and Len holds the gaze, squeezing his hand again.

There's this _sound_ as Caitlin uses the bone spreader. Barry's grip is crushing.

The pain receptors in Len's mind tell him to release Barry's hand, or do something to get him to relax his grip because _ouch_. He does neither. Instead he squeezes back despite the prickling pain from the kid's death grip, and holds his gaze.

No words are spoken, but no words are needed.

Eventually the sound stops, ample distance created between the ribs so there's access to the lungs. The kid's eyes are screwed shut, but he hasn't moved away and he hasn't shouted in pain, so Len assumes the painkillers are working, for now. Who knows how long they'll stay in his system, though. They're on a variable time clock.

He chances a glance at Caitlin, and wishes he didn't.

Quickly he snaps his gaze away. Barry's eyes are still tightly shut, his face pale.

Caitlin's digging around in the opening she's created, probably attempting to remove the spots inside of Barry's lungs. The kid's skin is as red as his usual Flash suit. The bed is equally red, as are Caitlin's gloved hands.

Barry's always looked good in red, but this is entirely different.

Barry jerks suddenly, and Cisco's hands are on his shoulders, holding him down. "It hurts," Barry breathes, eyes opening and staring at his friend in betrayal.

"I know," Cisco says apologetically, "I know it does, but you're doing great and we're almost done."

That is a blatant lie, of course. They might be almost done with that particular side, but the kid has two lungs that need to be taken care of, not just one.

The muscles in Barry's jaw twitch beneath the skin, his neck taut as he throws his head back into the pillow, attempting to remain still so they can continue with ease. It's admirable, of course, and Len's proud of him for it, but that doesn't make it any easier to see.

"Caitlin," Cisco mutters, catching Len's attention. He drags his gaze away from the speedster to instead focus on the two of them across the bed. Cisco's pale, with this look in his eyes; he looks worried, and he usually seems more focused and calm.

"I know," Caitlin hisses back without looking away from her work.

"What?" Len snaps quietly, the first time he's spoken since this thing started.

Caitlin shakes her head.

"Say it," he says.

"He's losing a lot of blood," Caitlin says tightly. "Since his metabolism's slowed, he's not healing immediately so he's bleeding more than I expected, that's all. It's okay."

If that's the case, though, then why does Cisco look so worried?

"Are you sure?" Len can't help but ask.

"Cisco, bring up the diagram again, please."

She's ignoring him. Great. Len's jaw clenches tightly.

Barry's grip is going to break his hand.

He remembers Lisa's crushing grip when they were kids and her shoulder was dislocated and needed to be shoved back into place. A childhood acquaintance shoved it into place, having dealt with it before, while Len held her hand and attempted to reassure her in a way only a big brother could. He thought her grip was so tight for an eleven-year-old girl.

Barry's reminds him of that, but it's worse. Len's fairly certain there's a crack in the bones, and he dares not even flinch his fingers to test this theory.

Cisco holds up a personal bad for Caitlin to see. She glances at it briefly and nods.

"Just as I thought. Okay, last spot on this lung."

She moves her equipment around; Len looks at Barry's face as the kid tenses, fingers attempting to penetrate Len's hand.

"You're doing great, Barry," Caitlin says calmly. "Just stay calm for me – stay still."

"H-Hurts," Barry manages through a rough breath. It has to be difficult to breathe when Caitlin's doing things to his lung at the moment, but he's powering through it well enough.

Small mercies and all that.

"You're doing great," Caitlin says again. "Annnd – done."

Barry releases a breath of relief.

"With that lung," Caitlin continues somewhat apologetically. "Sorry, Barry. The next lung has fewer spots so it won't take as long, okay?"

That's definitely a _whimper_ coming from the kid's lips. Len feels a growl bubbling in his mouth but swallows it down at the last second, instead forcing his fingers to flex as he squeezes Barry's hand. Pain shoots up his hand into his wrist and arm, but it's worth it when Barry looks at him gratefully.

Cisco mutters something to Caitlin. Len looks over at them to see Cisco still looking worried and Caitlin shaking her head, chewing on her lower lip as she hastily presses bandaging to the wound she's created.

After taping the bandaging into place with slick, red-stained gloves, she moves around the bed to Len's side. The scent of blood is strong in the air, all metallic and coppery like a room full of pennies.

It gets into Len's nose and mouth – he can _taste_ the blood.

"Okay, Barry, you're doing great," Caitlin says, pressing the knife into his flesh again.

It's harder to ignore when it's right in front of Len.

He watches blood ooze freely from the new cut – a long, wide cut. Caitlin pushes flesh away with her slick fingers, pressing into the wound, feeling for the ribs as she brings up the rib spreader.

Len tries to imagine it's _not_ Barry's blood spilling onto the bed and staining pale skin. He tries to imagine it's _not_ Barry's rib that thing grabs and spreads.

Barry makes this difficult when he cries out, the painkillers clearly wearing off. Now he's struggling to sit up and shove Caitlin away, and there's a lot of blood slushing from the wound the more he moves.

Cisco moves accordingly, to shove him back down and hold him onto the bed, but then Barry's vibrating and snapping at them to _let him go_ because _oh god it hurts_ and he's overpowering Cisco. Len pushes to his feet, uncertain of what he's going to do at that point, but he has to do _something_.

Untangling his hand from Barry's is painful, physically and emotionally. The kid shoots him this betrayed glance, eyes wide and watery, brow creased with pain and desperation. Len snaps his mouth shut and helps Cisco hold him down onto the bed. Barry whines pathetically and twists.

"Keep him still!" Caitlin snaps. "He's losing too much blood!"

The previous wound's bandaging is soaked through now, because of all the agitation. Cisco shoots Len a glance, eyes wide and fearful and concerned, and Len glares at him. Now is not the time to panic. Now is the time to act and fix things.

"Barry," he snaps, looking back down at the twisted expression on his fiance's face. " _Barry Allen_. Look at me."

Barry's gaze focuses on him. He's breathing too hard, panicked and pained and struggling. "L-Len," he whines, a knife to Len's heart, "it _h-hurts_! G-Get off m-e! _Lemme go_!"

"Take it easy, Barry," Len says, holding his gaze. "Look at me, only on me, focus on me. You're okay. I wouldn't let anything bad happen to you, would I? Huh, Scarlet?"

Barry draws in a ragged, shaky breath. "N-No…"

The trust is another knife to his heart.

He remembers that betrayed look.

"So you're fine," Len says firmly. "You're okay. I know it hurts but you're doing great and it's almost over. The more you struggle, the longer it takes, and I, for one, am ready for this to be over. Aren't you?"

Barry gives a weak nod.

"Right, kid. So calm down and breathe for me, Scarlet. In, out. In, out."

Barry inhales and exhales with his words, sinking back into his pillow.

Len's smile feels more like a grimace. "That's good, Scarlet. In, out…"

He shoots Caitlin a quick look, and she nods.

Barry tenses as she cuts into his lung, biting down on his lower lip so hard there's blood on his teeth when he drags in a ragged breath. "L- _Len_ …"

"I know, I know," Len says. "It hurts. Just chill out."

Barry grimaces. "P-Puns, really?"

"You enjoy my puns, stop denying that you do."

"R-Really?"

"I'm very speedy with my puns."

Barry scowls as much as he can with that twisted expression.

"The cold shoulder again, Scarlet?"

"S-Stop."

"It'll be over in a flash."

" _You're the worst_ ," Barry wheezes, screwing his eyes tightly shut as Caitlin does whatever it is she's doing. Len's still just standing there, hovering over the kid with his hands firm on his shoulders even though Barry's not struggling anymore.

"Yeah, but you love me anyway."

Barry smiles briefly, before it fades away to a grimace of pain. "Cold…"

"Flash."

"N-No…" Barry says, frowning. " 's cold…"

Len shoots Caitlin another look.

"It's the blood loss," she says without looking away from what she's doing. "His temperature's dropping. The painkillers have worn off so his healing should kick back in soon. Almost done."

She says it all so methodically. Len's jaw clenches once more as he looks back at Barry.

"Done," Caitlin says a moment later. "Alright, just – I'm going to bandage this side too. How's that side looking, Cisco?"

"Bleeding's almost stopped; I think his healing kicked back in," Cisco says.

Len releases a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

A few minutes later Barry's side is bandaged, and his other side re-bandaged. The red is cleaned away from the bed and his skin and there's still a crease in his brow but he's looking much more relaxed.

" 's over?" Barry asks sleepily. He has to be exhausted after all he's been through today.

Len sinks back into the plastic chair. "Yeah, Scarlet – it's over."

"Spots gone?"

Len sighs. "I don't know, kid."

Caitlin and Cisco left to dispose of the equipment and whatnot. He's not sure what she did with what she cut out of the kid's lungs, or if it even worked. For all they know the spots could just come back and it was all for nothing.

Len's hand throbs sharply as he unconsciously attempts to flex his fingers. He looks at his hand for the first time and realizes it's red, angry and swollen.

He grits his teeth and pushes his hand back into his lap.

"Love you," Barry says tiredly, unaware of his hand.

Len draws in a slow breath, watching the kid for a moment. "I love you, too, Scarlet."


	25. Chapter 25: The Good Life

**A/N:** Well, guys... this is it. The final chapter of this story. It's been a lot of fun writing it and it became so much longer than I ever thought it would. Originally I thought it might only be around 4-6 chapters, but boy was I wrong! You guys have been so very amazing throughout this story and for that I just really wanna thank you. So thank you! Without you guys this story wouldn't be possible.

I tried to keep going on this story, but it kept sounding "meh" to me afterward, so I just wound up deleting that bit. This chapter is short, but it's the final one, so I think that's okay. I'm not done with this series by any means, but for now, for this particular story... it's over, and it's been so much fun.

Thank you, again. And I hope you enjoy this final chapter.

Until next time!

Chapter length: 1647

Onward, for the final time in this story!

* * *

CHAPTER 25 – The Good Life

The Flash has a speedy recovery – of course he does. He's the Flash, and according to the new scans Caitlin took this morning, the spots are still gone, even a week after the procedure. The spots are gone, and his lungs are working normally, for him. He ran on the treadmill a few times, being monitored, and nothing happened – he didn't get dizzy or breathless or pass out. All very good signs.

It's over, and Len is grateful.

His hand is another matter entirely, though. Barry apologized profusely when he discovered what he did to Len's hand; currently it's wrapped in a makeshift cast of white bandaging to keep him from moving it too much. Not broken, Caitlin said – just enflamed from too much pressure against tendons, nerves and bones. It's going to be sore for a while, and this will cushion it a bit but still allow him to use his hand if absolutely necessary.

All in all, things are going particularly well, a week after the procedure.

The paperwork for their new apartment comes through on a lazy Monday morning; Barry arrives at the safe house in a blur Len was not expecting, since the kid's supposed to be at work. He's so excited, with this wide smile on his face as he thrusts the paper into Len's good hand. It takes a second for Len's mind to catch up with what's happening, but when it does he brings the paper up and reads it. It's their lease, and they can move in whenever they want. The apartment is theirs, and it's ready.

They have a home together.

And then he's smiling, too. He can't help it – the feeling arises from a warm place in his stomach and then his lips are yanked back sharply into this wide grin he can't stop as he looks at Barry.

Barry gives a laugh and a kiss, along with a few quick words telling Len they'll start packing when he gets off tonight, and then he's gone in a flash, disappearing as suddenly as he arrived.

Len looks back down at the paper in his hand.

The apartment is theirs, Barry's health is fine again, and they're getting married in December.

Life is good.

xXx

Lisa is thrilled that the paperwork finally went through and they are getting their own apartment. She's going to remain at the safe house, claiming it has become home to her, and now she won't have to worry about having Cisco's clothes on the couch since Len won't be there. Len imagines Cisco will be spending more nights with Lisa after he and Barry move out.

After they both move out.

It reinforces the thought that they _are_ living together. Sometimes that thought takes a bit to sink in, and when it does, it always leaves him with the urge to smile. As he's alone right now, he allows the feeling to fully blossom and he's grinning widely as he packs clothes into a box. He doesn't have many clothes – a lot of long-sleeved shirts, but only a few pairs of actual jeans, a few pairs of sweatpants for lazing around the safe house, and a couple of short-sleeved shirts. Oh, and his parka. Can't forget that.

He gently folds the parka before laying on top of the pile in the box. After sealing the box, he turns and looks around the room.

It's been three days since they started packing. Barry offered to do it all in one go, claiming he's done it before when he moved back home with Joe after Iris moved out, but Len declines. If they are going to move in together, in their own apartment, they're going to do this right. And that means painstakingly packing everything the old-fashioned way, together. It's slow and tedious and Len's not as young as he used to be, but they spend the better part of three days together, packing random things from the safe house and taking it over to the apartment via a moving truck.

Barry grumbles the whole time, claiming they could already be living in the apartment by now, but Len's enjoying this. He's never _moved_ anywhere before; he ran away from his father, and these safe houses are just… a convenience. When he's ready to move cities, or feels the safe house has been compromised, he'll abandon the safe house completely, and that includes all of his equipment and clothing, save for his Cold gear now.

But now… now he has _things_.

Lots of things, things he's not sure how he's accumulated.

When did he get a bookshelf and books? When did he get that long-sleeved shirt he likes so much? When did he get that toothbrush holder, or that alarm clock, or his favorite pillow or bed set or-

He just has a lot of things. Possessions. He has a lot of possessions, things he owns, things he _wants_ to take with him.

Barry has things; of course he does. He's always had things. Like his favorite running shoes, and other shoes since he goes through them so quickly, and his favorite pillow and his red toothbrush and his laptop and _when did they get a griddle for pancakes_ …

They have so many things.

The apartment is soon filled with boxes, and Len's not sure how that happened. He thought he'd have to buy everything – or steal it, because he _is_ a criminal, after all – to make this place feel full and like a home should. Now there's boxes everywhere and when the _hell_ did they get this much _stuff_?

"I could unpack it all, if you want?" Barry offers, practically begging.

"Old-fashioned way, Scarlet," Len chides, casting him a smirk. He knows it's driving Barry crazy going this slowly. Normal pace.

Barry sighs heavily. "Leeen," he complains like a child, "come _on_ , I can have all this done in like three seconds!"

"We're doing it together, Scarlet. Like a normal couple."

Barry brightens at that – he always does when Len mentions their relationship. He tries not to do it too often so it doesn't lose its appeal.

"You know… I don't even know where to start," Barry offers a moment later, staring at the boxes when they're ready to start unpacking together.

Len smirks. "I'll make the decisions, then."

He steps up to a random box and opens it. Dishware. Since when did they even have a complete kitchen set? He does not remember this. Well – he _remembers_ it, because he's eaten off these plates before and hey, that's his favorite mug right there, perfect for his coffee, but he doesn't _remember_ it. He doesn't remember getting a complete set, or when he'd ever _think_ to buy a complete set.

"How about you unload boxes and I'll organize?" Barry offers.

Len scoffs. "I've seen your version of organization, kid. No dice."

Barry pouts.

Len smirks. "How about I tell you _how_ to organize, and it's a deal?"

Barry grins and nods.

"Put the plates on the middle shelf of the upper first and middle cabinets, cups and mugs on the bottom shelf, and pans in the bottom cabinet, under the counter."

Barry disappears in a flash, presumably to do just that. The items disappear from the box almost faster than Len can pull them out, the items instantly snatched from his fingers.

Len reaches for the next box.

xXx

It takes a few days, but soon enough everything is unpacked and the apartment looks like a home should. They'll need to get a better couch, and Lisa kept the TV so they'll have to get one of those, too, but other than that the place is pretty well furnished. They left their bed at the safe house; instead they were given a kind-size, new bed, already waiting for them in the apartment.

A gift from Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak, according to the tiny note attached to it. Once again apologizing for kidnapping them. Len wants to throw the bed out on pure principle because it's _Ollie_ , but before he reads the note he made the mistake of sitting on said bed, and no. Nope. The bed is too comfy.

Barry definitely agrees when Len drags him down onto it.

All is not forgiven, but it's a start.

"So can they come to the wedding?" Barry asks, warm body flush against Len's side.

"They're on probation, but I suppose," Len grunts.

Barry is very happy about this answer.

He crawls on top of Len, pinning him to the comfortable new bed, and Len's pretty happy about it, too.

Life is so very good.

xXx

Caitlin and Cisco have left STAR Labs.

Len's angry when he hears this, but he knew it was happening. Caitlin already has another job and Cisco finally fully accepted the job offered to him at the precinct. At least he'll be close, Barry says.

Nearly five months after the Singularity, and everyone's disbanded except the Flash.

Barry still runs around saving people, and sometimes at night, slips out of bed to go fix the city when he can't sleep. Len tries to wake up when the kid moves, but Barry can be very sneaky when he wants to be, especially when he's feeling guilty. He thinks it's his job to fix the city, since he broke it.

Random shops and buildings get miraculously put back together through the night.

Barry denies doing it, but suddenly becomes very handy around the apartment if something breaks or something.

He seems to know electrical wiring, and carpentry, suddenly. The kid's a poor liar.

Len does not like the kid sneaking out in the middle of the night to fix the city.

He likes the thought of Barry fighting enemies all on his own even less.

He's just not sure what to do about it, though.

Not yet.

 _ **fin**_


End file.
